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These are your mum's genital piercings.
spacescience.arc.nasa.gov/images/Saturn_rings.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 17 May 2009, 11:38, archived)
This is your mum taking her knickers off
maps.google.co.uk/maps?hl=en&ei=yOkPSpaAGIia_Abj3Z2jBA&q=mull+of+kintyre+map&ie=UTF8&t=h&ll=55.555049,-5.353088&spn=0.602763,1.779785&z=10
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sun 17 May 2009, 11:42, archived)
You're wanking to a map.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 17 May 2009, 11:44, archived)
You grow plants in your garden hoping they'll grow into porn-hedges like you found in the 80s.

(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sun 17 May 2009, 11:45, archived)