My gaffer
I have my Rules exam on Friday. A whole day of intimidation and me showing a criminal lack of knowledge, and it's Ms Official's birthday so I'm going to be a right ray of sunshine.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 May 2009, 21:08, archived)

will there be questions like 'a man is running to the platform at 4mph, calculate how many steps away you need to press the button to close the doors just as he gets there'

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 26 May 2009, 21:11, archived)

I do that without thinking
I can tell how far they are away not by looking but how insistently they whimper "MATE! HANG ON" and how heavy their footfall is. I'm a pro.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 26 May 2009, 21:13, archived)