Sad as it may seem
I can translate most of that
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 21:49, archived)

Not surprising, as it's a modern* parody.
* 80 years old, rather than 1500.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 11 Jun 2009, 21:58, archived)