Try rubbing a dry green scourer over rough porcelain.
Now that's a horrible noise.
(WANKERTRON you say "prick", I say "wanker", Thu 18 Jun 2009, 15:41, archived)

chewing a cotton sock still makes me cringe

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 15:42, archived)

The best thing for that is a pellet of cotton wool wrapped in tinfoil.
( C, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 15:48, archived)

GYAAHHH! MY TEETH! you cunt!

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 15:52, archived)