since I don't have a real answer, time to make up some spectacular-sounding bullshit for the internet
I held my school's shot put, discus and javelin records when I was in the sixth form and got scouted by a national coach for Team GB, but the coach dropped me when he saw how well I was getting on with his supermodel girlfriend
(, Mon 8 Feb 2021, 10:59, archived)
each class had to nominate someone for every event, the class thought it would be funny to nominate me for everything.
it was quite funny sitting in the woods near the playing fields hearing my name being shouted over a tannoy for the 1500 metres whilst trying burn some soap bar into a spliff
(, Mon 8 Feb 2021, 11:30, archived)