^ proudly upholding /talk's anaphylactic relationship with talent

( .Yeti., Wed 24 Jun 2026, 16:59, More)

I'm force-pulling your bulbous fuselage from the swamp right now IYKWIM

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 24 Jun 2026, 15:58, More)

Loves it she fucking does, hmmm

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 24 Jun 2026, 15:29, More)

I hope you do it in as Yoda-ish a voice as possible.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 24 Jun 2026, 13:49, More)

tell a story, tell the customer a story, tell the customer a story about the carrots in their dinner, they need to be able to imagine their food in this fridge, ok great everyone let's break there, and could someone please stop jack crying again, look nobody loves this stuff jack, we'd all rather be writing our porn novellas, but we are where we are
( vladimir it's ironic bcs in real life I'm an absolute cunt, Wed 24 Jun 2026, 10:21, More)

Alright Dr Seuss’ lifestyle coach

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 23 Jun 2026, 23:55, More)

by heavily featuring football I assume

(piss and shit, Tue 23 Jun 2026, 21:04, More)

did you workout how to get into your house

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 23 Jun 2026, 20:28, More)

I went to see a late night showing of Fellowship when it came out.
I was with a female friend, and she was definitely in the minority. There were two Tolkien nerds behind us who had clearly paid to be upset about how unfaithful it was to the book. I asked them to pipe down a bit at the start when Galadriel's voice-over mentioned "the creature Gollum" ["The CREATURE?!?" one of them exclaimed, incredulously].

At the end, as the credits said "based on..." one of them yelled "based LOOSELY on the book by JRR Tolkien!"

tl;dr: even if all your sex has been cancelled out, it's still more than they ever had.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Tue 23 Jun 2026, 16:03, More)

I was half cut in the pub once, rapping a bit of Beastie Boys, and when I did the line 'the girls I like are underage' was one of those moments when the pub had gone momentarily silent.
One of the greatest moments of my life.
(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 23 Jun 2026, 8:37, More)

alright every tedious cunt on FB when GoT was a thing

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Tue 23 Jun 2026, 7:50, More)

Smegolas, surely

( .Yeti., Mon 22 Jun 2026, 22:47, More)

Alright, Richard Curtis and Ben Elton.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 21 Jun 2026, 22:05, More)

the little silver twat that hangs round with Buck Rogers

(piss and shit, Sun 21 Jun 2026, 16:28, More)

-simple +angel

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 21 Jun 2026, 13:55, More)

Did you hear about when the cops in Pastryland caught a thief?
They put him in a custardy sweet.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 21 Jun 2026, 10:42, More)

i presume you never watched W then?

( MiseryCunt i stole your sig and i liked it, Sat 20 Jun 2026, 23:31, More)

Don't chew ever

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Fri 19 Jun 2026, 19:44, More)

I’ve never clicked so swiftly

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 19 Jun 2026, 14:34, More)

But they swallow

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 19 Jun 2026, 14:30, More)