b3ta.com user mofaha
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You can reach me at mofaha ~at~ mofaha ~dot~ com

Cockweasle presented this award to me.
It is for good snarns. I am very proud of it.

Recent front page messages:

(Sun 29th Aug 2021, 13:16, More)

Jokes are ok?

(Sat 28th Aug 2021, 12:38, More)


(Fri 18th Jun 2021, 20:07, More)


(Tue 6th Apr 2021, 2:25, More)

It's my candle day

(Sun 21st Feb 2021, 13:08, More)


(Tue 3rd Nov 2020, 0:31, More)

(Wed 18th Mar 2020, 16:35, More)

wait for it

(Sun 6th Oct 2019, 20:37, More)


An oldie
(Fri 27th Sep 2019, 22:07, More)


(Mon 22nd Jul 2019, 23:40, More)


(Sun 14th Jul 2019, 15:48, More)


(Sat 29th Jun 2019, 19:42, More)

2001: A Space Officey

(Fri 25th Jan 2019, 17:49, More)

topical repost

(Thu 17th Jan 2019, 19:44, More)

Stan Lee has died, new icons and image challenge imminent

(Mon 12th Nov 2018, 19:11, More)


(Mon 23rd Jul 2018, 3:11, More)

wakka wakka wakka

(Thu 19th Jul 2018, 5:08, More)


(Sat 30th Jun 2018, 22:24, More)

it's a

(Sun 13th May 2018, 3:59, More)

I just realized this oldie actually qualifies

(Sun 6th May 2018, 19:55, More)

Bonus Self

(Thu 12th Apr 2018, 20:10, More)

well then

(Fri 6th Apr 2018, 4:31, More)

(Tue 13th Feb 2018, 23:49, More)

(Wed 29th Nov 2017, 21:53, More)


(Sun 12th Nov 2017, 18:38, More)

(Mon 19th Jun 2017, 2:10, More)

Hope I'm not over-reacting

(Tue 23rd May 2017, 18:08, More)


(Thu 18th May 2017, 18:01, More)


(Thu 18th May 2017, 18:00, More)


(Tue 8th Mar 2016, 2:49, More)

It’s a vast waste of space

(Wed 17th Feb 2016, 20:09, More)

The tributes pour in!

(Thu 11th Jun 2015, 15:13, More)

(Thu 30th Apr 2015, 2:10, More)

Apparently yes.

(Fri 10th Apr 2015, 16:55, More)

(Sat 31st Jan 2015, 23:41, More)

(Fri 9th Jan 2015, 21:32, More)


(Wed 26th Nov 2014, 1:30, More)

I'm not even remotely sorry

(Sun 26th Oct 2014, 22:14, More)

(Wed 1st Oct 2014, 22:01, More)

Epic :)

(Wed 24th Sep 2014, 15:50, More)

(Fri 12th Sep 2014, 19:58, More)


(Thu 17th Jul 2014, 14:48, More)

Topical repost

(Mon 30th Jun 2014, 16:01, More)

(Fri 22nd Nov 2013, 16:47, More)

(Tue 29th Oct 2013, 18:36, More)

(Sat 17th Aug 2013, 22:06, More)

(Sun 28th Jul 2013, 6:22, More)

WHAT? oh.

(Wed 24th Jul 2013, 23:10, More)

(Sun 14th Jul 2013, 7:08, More)

(Sat 22nd Jun 2013, 7:04, More)

So yeah

(Wed 24th Apr 2013, 17:43, More)

(Thu 11th Apr 2013, 22:58, More)

Choose dilithium

(Wed 27th Feb 2013, 1:35, More)

10 years

Thanks all :)
(Thu 21st Feb 2013, 2:11, More)

(Mon 11th Feb 2013, 6:05, More)

(Sun 3rd Feb 2013, 16:40, More)

I may not know much about art

but I know what I like
(Mon 7th Jan 2013, 18:27, More)

(Thu 3rd Jan 2013, 20:56, More)

(Thu 6th Dec 2012, 17:37, More)

(Tue 13th Nov 2012, 17:16, More)

(Fri 14th Sep 2012, 17:44, More)

(Fri 7th Sep 2012, 16:50, More)


(Mon 20th Aug 2012, 16:04, More)


(Thu 16th Aug 2012, 22:00, More)

I made this for you guys

(Tue 7th Aug 2012, 7:44, More)

(Thu 12th Apr 2012, 22:47, More)

(Sun 12th Feb 2012, 3:12, More)

(Fri 2nd Dec 2011, 22:41, More)

Famous last words

(Tue 1st Nov 2011, 17:28, More)

(Sun 25th Sep 2011, 3:29, More)

(Wed 7th Sep 2011, 18:00, More)

(Wed 10th Aug 2011, 18:48, More)

Just like me, they long to be

(Tue 7th Jun 2011, 16:46, More)

(Tue 19th Apr 2011, 23:12, More)


(Mon 21st Mar 2011, 20:29, More)

(Mon 7th Mar 2011, 19:34, More)


(Wed 23rd Feb 2011, 21:38, More)

(Mon 14th Feb 2011, 20:15, More)

(Sat 29th Jan 2011, 20:24, More)

My site
(Thu 11th Nov 2010, 13:19, More)

My site
(Thu 4th Nov 2010, 16:32, More)

My site
(Tue 5th Oct 2010, 23:34, More)

My site
(Mon 27th Sep 2010, 22:51, More)

My site
(Sun 26th Sep 2010, 18:53, More)


My site
(Mon 20th Sep 2010, 15:34, More)

My site
(Thu 16th Sep 2010, 17:08, More)


My site
(Sun 5th Sep 2010, 21:17, More)

My site
(Tue 31st Aug 2010, 20:35, More)

my site
(Thu 26th Aug 2010, 14:04, More)

My site
(Thu 5th Aug 2010, 17:52, More)

My site
(Fri 25th Jun 2010, 6:28, More)

my site
(Sun 6th Jun 2010, 4:27, More)

(Thu 15th Apr 2010, 14:44, More)

(Sun 28th Feb 2010, 18:20, More)

(Wed 27th Jan 2010, 22:37, More)


Repost for challenge, hope you don't mind
(Fri 25th Dec 2009, 18:50, More)

(Tue 22nd Dec 2009, 4:48, More)

(Thu 10th Dec 2009, 11:38, More)

(Fri 7th Aug 2009, 19:52, More)

(Thu 14th May 2009, 19:37, More)

(Mon 2nd Mar 2009, 22:33, More)

(Fri 6th Feb 2009, 5:36, More)

(Mon 15th Dec 2008, 8:06, More)

Ho ho fucking ho.

(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 14:46, More)

(Wed 29th Oct 2008, 12:13, More)

(Tue 7th Oct 2008, 15:57, More)

(Wed 16th Jan 2008, 22:16, More)

(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 23:06, More)


(Wed 28th Nov 2007, 23:23, More)

Hello :)

(Tue 23rd Oct 2007, 18:14, More)

(Mon 6th Aug 2007, 22:36, More)

(Mon 2nd Apr 2007, 23:15, More)

my site | rss feed
(Wed 14th Mar 2007, 17:09, More)

my site | rss feed
(Sat 10th Feb 2007, 14:30, More)

my site | rss feed
(Wed 10th Jan 2007, 0:04, More)

my site | rss feed
(Thu 4th Jan 2007, 17:05, More)

A little bit early for '06 nostalgia perhaps?
my site | rss feed
(Mon 1st Jan 2007, 16:24, More)

my site | rss feed
(Sat 30th Dec 2006, 16:44, More)

my site | rss feed
(Fri 22nd Dec 2006, 14:31, More)

my site | rss feed
(Wed 20th Dec 2006, 19:34, More)

my site
(Wed 8th Nov 2006, 6:28, More)

my site | rss feed
(Thu 5th Oct 2006, 21:00, More)

my site | rss feed
(Tue 3rd Oct 2006, 18:08, More)

site | rss
(Wed 20th Sep 2006, 18:24, More)

my site
(Wed 23rd Aug 2006, 21:35, More)

my site
(Sun 20th Aug 2006, 4:47, More)

my site
(Sun 9th Jul 2006, 23:26, More)

(Tue 4th Jul 2006, 0:55, More)

Barbara Cartman

my site
(Fri 19th May 2006, 3:12, More)

Drugs are bad, mmmkay...

my site
(Wed 8th Mar 2006, 14:15, More)

my site
(Thu 9th Feb 2006, 14:43, More)

pizza : spam : my site
(Fri 27th Jan 2006, 19:22, More)


(Mon 26th Dec 2005, 15:09, More)

site | rss | store
(Sun 18th Dec 2005, 14:12, More)

site | rss | store
(Tue 6th Dec 2005, 15:23, More)

(Tue 22nd Nov 2005, 5:25, More)

my site || rss feed
(Mon 10th Oct 2005, 16:05, More)

(Sun 2nd Oct 2005, 3:51, More)


site | rss | t-shirts
(Tue 20th Sep 2005, 23:37, More)


my site | rss feed | kittin t-shirts
(Wed 7th Sep 2005, 16:34, More)

(Fri 29th Jul 2005, 19:00, More)

Supir Kittins!!

my site : rss feed
(Fri 22nd Jul 2005, 13:55, More)

Cat seances

My site
(Mon 6th Jun 2005, 18:21, More)

My site
(Thu 19th May 2005, 5:59, More)

My site
(Sat 7th May 2005, 4:52, More)

(Sat 9th Apr 2005, 21:59, More)

(Thu 7th Apr 2005, 21:54, More)

My site
(Tue 5th Apr 2005, 15:45, More)

(Sun 3rd Apr 2005, 17:37, More)

(Wed 23rd Mar 2005, 17:19, More)

My site
(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 14:08, More)

It's a long way home

My site
(Fri 18th Mar 2005, 12:10, More)

(Wed 16th Mar 2005, 20:06, More)


(Tue 8th Mar 2005, 20:23, More)


(Mon 31st Jan 2005, 1:19, More)

First attempt at this. Not great but I thought I'd share it.
(Sat 1st Jan 2005, 21:07, More)

My site
(Thu 18th Nov 2004, 19:09, More)

It's Little Tony Blair!

(Sat 13th Nov 2004, 16:45, More)

My site : edit... Thanks all for your kind comments :)
(Tue 5th Oct 2004, 16:51, More)

(Thu 9th Sep 2004, 5:55, More)

Boing! Boing! Boing!

(Fri 13th Aug 2004, 3:39, More)

(Wed 4th Aug 2004, 16:04, More)

(Fri 16th Jul 2004, 15:27, More)

(Sat 19th Jun 2004, 3:14, More)

Also , have a cheerful repost

(Sat 5th Jun 2004, 3:49, More)

(Wed 19th May 2004, 21:44, More)

(Wed 28th Apr 2004, 3:14, More)

Another look at last night's blasphemy.
Edit: thanks for fp and kind comments.
(Sat 27th Mar 2004, 13:34, More)

Don't do that dear, you might get bitten

Quick and oh so dirty.
(Sat 28th Feb 2004, 6:42, More)

(Tue 10th Feb 2004, 15:55, More)

How artists get their ideas : #2, Claude Monet

edit: Thanks for the comments :)
(Tue 10th Feb 2004, 1:34, More)

How artists get their ideas : #1, Edvard Munch

(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 12:38, More)

...and it was all a dream.

(Thu 30th Oct 2003, 3:30, More)

Don't think I posted this here either, not 100% sure though. Apologies if you've seen it before.
(Mon 28th Jul 2003, 19:26, More)

(Tue 8th Jul 2003, 15:14, More)

(Wed 2nd Jul 2003, 5:45, More)

(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 5:24, More)

(Wed 18th Jun 2003, 3:23, More)

No idea why

Hope this isn't too big.
Pic click further to biggify.
(Tue 4th Mar 2003, 13:53, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Sacked

Special delivery
I once worked in a silkscreen printers. Jack, the owner, came to the factory every day and sat in an office high above the factory floor at the top of a long flight of metal stairs. His beach-ball shaped body was framed by his stumpy little arms and legs and sweaty, round head. He was one of those permanently agitated people with a bright red face who look like they're about to explode. He was incredibly rude and arrogant, and clearly considered himself to be some kind of high-powered industrialist, rather than the owner of a grotty little printers in Walthamstow. He had a way of talking down to people that grated on me from the very first time I met him, and his low opinion of me was obvious from every comment he directed at me.

I'd only been there a week or so when I was called up to his office. I hated going up those stairs - those kinds of elevated factory offices are specifically designed to communicate the message, "I'm so much higher than you that you have to climb 200 stairs just to talk to me". I should really have been grateful though. It turned out that Jack had a Special Job for me to do. He needed a package dropped off at the Post Office. He held up the package, to help me understand. "Do ... you ... know ... where ... the ... Post ... Office ... is?" he asked, slowing down his speech and carefully pronouncing every word. Yes, I knew where the Post Office was. He told me anyway, in the same careful manner. He told me how to go to the window, how to weight the package, how to buy stamps. Between every instruction, he stressed again and again just how important this package was, how urgent its delivery was. "THIS ... MUST ... BE ... DELIVERED ... TODAY".

Jack saved the most important instruction for last. "You ... MUST ... give ... the ... package ... to ... the ... cashier". And don't try to put the package in the post box. And don't leave the package by the cashier's window. And DON'T PUT THE PACKAGE OUTSIDE. He repeated these very difficult instructions. He made me repeat them after him.

The factory foreman was up there the whole time and saw all of this. He was actually a nice guy, but not the most cheerful person in the world. He seldom smiled and he looked permanently worn out. He had a resigned look about him - I suppose he'd been listening to this kind of shit for years. Part of my difficult task was to report back to Jack when I'd returned from the Post Office, and the foreman was still up there in Jack's office at the top of those fucking stairs when I got back.

"Did ... you ... do ... as .... I ... told ... you?", Jack wanted to know. Yes, don't worry, I did it all exactly as told. I took the package to the cashier, I weighed it, I bought the stamps, I remembered to get a receipt, and then I put the package outside the Post Office, on top of the post box, just like I'd been told.

Jack turned crimson and literally began to shake. "YOU DID WHAT??!!". Don't worry, I said, I left it outside, on top of the post box, like you said. Jack had this white foam at the corners of his mouth at this stage. His beach-ball body was bobbing up and down and he was waving his stumpy arms, opening and closing his mouth. He was actually speechless with rage. "Naaah, s'all right," I said, "I'm only joking. I mean, I know how to send a package. I'm not a fucking idiot."

The most gratifying part of this was that the foreman, who had been standing next to me, emitted this little choking sound, and was then very obviously clenching his jaw, desperate not to laugh. He excused himself while Jack tore into me ("I DO THE FUCKING JOKES AROUND HERE!!") and when I returned downstairs there he was, and he gave me this beautiful smile, and he'd clearly spread the word, because so did everyone else in that miserable dump.

I lasted until the end of the day. It was so worth it.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2006, 15:05, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

Walthamstow Market
in the early '80s... a fat middle-aged woman, totally naked, with her face and body painted completely blue (or at least I assume it was paint), staggering a few steps, then bellowing out some primeval animal howl, then staggering a few more steps, then the howl again, all the while with her eyes, exaggerated because of the contrast of the whites against the blue of her face, darting around randomly, empty of everything except utter, abject terror. The eyes of an animal about to be slaughtered.
My brother afterwards: "Fucking hell, that was brilliant! You could see her tits and everything!"
(Thu 28th May 2009, 19:08, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

What do you call a recently-deceased ex-bond actor who has had his bodily hair removed in order to be prepared for embalming?
SHORN Connery!
(Tue 3rd Nov 2020, 3:44, More)

» Misunderstood

Chinese 5-spice
When I'd just moved to the US and before my London accent started to get diluted I had all kinds of trouble making myself understood. For me the funniest time was when I tried to buy some Chinese 5-spice mix from a local wholefood store. I'd looked at their spice section and couldn't see it, so I asked one of the shop assistants if they knew where it was. They never heard of it, which I thought was strange, but they said they'd help me look. We went over to the spice rack together, and the guy explained that the spices were in alphabetical order. I told him I'd realized that, but still couldn't find it. So he took a look and then apologised - there were no spices under J. "J?". "That's right sir. I'm afraid we don't have any Johnny's 5-spice".
(Wed 12th Oct 2005, 0:10, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

I tried a cannabis/extruded metal blend…
but it left me wired
(Wed 21st Jun 2023, 13:37, More)
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