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Profile for Holly Would:
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My best posts as voted by you!


And some t-shirt designs


A selection of stuff I have done (CFB and hover for a partial explanation).

Feel free to gaz me about anything.



A big thank you to whoever is responsible for the B3tard hosting, which is where all these are located.

Recent front page messages:

pee

(Fri 10th Aug 2012, 22:12, More)

sweet d:reams.


edit:blank version if you, too, want Brian to ruin a nursery rhyme. :)
(Sun 19th Feb 2012, 20:57, More)

Self piercing? That's going to get ugly fast.
just realised I had another pea, mind if I park it here?

(Thu 27th Jan 2011, 22:21, More)

pea.

(Wed 26th Jan 2011, 22:14, More)

Have I broken one the Ten Commandments?
Thou shalt not make Craven images?

(Sat 27th Nov 2010, 22:58, More)

Endorsement?...Make it so.

(Tue 16th Feb 2010, 21:35, More)



(Thu 19th Mar 2009, 22:08, More)

Harry Hill will present everything on itv.

(Mon 9th Mar 2009, 19:49, More)

first ever tablet cartoon.

(Thu 18th Sep 2008, 20:03, More)



(Sun 13th Apr 2008, 22:29, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Bedroom Disasters

Anal Adventures in the Dark
This is not my story but a friend's that I love to tell. The last time I told her how much joy the story brought me and other people she was horrified that I was retelling it to anyone who would care to listen. Given that this is the internet and anyone could be reading it I have asked, and been given, permission to share.

If you've ever seen Chasing Amy, you'll recall the scene where Banky and Alyssa are comparing injuries sustained in the pursuit of sexual gratification, each attempting to out do the last. This story came to light in similar circumstances. I had just played my 'I've manage to accidentally get semen in three different girls' eyes' card. Lucy's topped that.

Lucy and her boyfriend had been enjoying a late night romp when the focus moved from front bottom to bottom true. Despite the claims made in Brokeback Mountain, spit is not the most lubricating of fluids and it was agreed an alternate solution was required.
Now, I've never asked why Lucy didn't have lube. She strikes me as the kind of girl to have a store of this kind of thing, kept not far from a collection of toys, but it transpires she didn't. What Lucy did have, working in the beauty industry, was a well stocked cabinet of lotions and potions, and it was to here that her boyfriend was sent. In the dark he grabs a bottle and a few squirts here and there, a bit of working it into the important areas followed by working it into the important area. It worked perfectly and, as far as I gather, a good time was had by all involved.

The following morning the boyfriend woke and headed to the bathroom. As he positioned himself in front of the toilet he looked down to find his once white penis had developed a distinctly brown hue. As he stood, confused, he noticed his palms, too, were now much browner than he remembered. He returned to the bedroom and stood naked at the foot of the bed. Brown palms forward, matching manhood. Lucy's stifled giggle quickly turned to full on guffawing when it was confirmed that the impromptu lube was, in fact, fake tan.
(Sun 26th Jun 2011, 22:46, More)

» Bedroom Disasters

The Clap. Alt title - Everyone's a Fucking Critic.
My second long term girlfriend came from a slightly lower OFSTED ranking school, so knowing someone who had become pregnant whilst still at school was perhaps not so surprising. (Yes, I'm a snob and to prove my place of education wasn't much better it turned out the father was from my school).
Now, no-one could blame this girl for trying to enjoy her teen years, though she probably had a better time of it than I did, funded by the state. So, we were occasionally asked to baby sit, and on this instance to have him overnight.
He would have been around one and a half, maybe two. We set up a mattress for him in our room to keep an eye on him if he needed anything or stirred.
Morning followed an uneventful night. It was a glorious morning for this young and amorous male and, after checking that sleeping child was still indeed sleeping (and, I must stress, we were well out of sight), set about trying to even the score in our long running game of shove-piggy-shove.
I forget the position we chose*, but which ever it was caused each thrust to be punctuated with a satisfying slap!.
slap!..slap!..slap!..sclap!..slap!..clap!..sclap!..slap!..clap!..clap!..clap!..clap!
By now we had stopped, yet the slow clap continued...
The infant in the room had woken in the middle of what he presumed to be a fun clapping game and decided to join in**.


A tad irresponsible, I admit, but in my defence I was young and irresponsible at the time.

* I presume doggy style but cannot be sure
** by join in I mean by clapping.

(Tue 28th Jun 2011, 18:41, More)

» Hypocrisy

sometimes whilst
looking at someone and, based solely on their appearance, I find myself thinking

'you're a Daily Mail reader.'
(Mon 23rd Feb 2009, 14:18, More)

» Tactless

lost it on the Snake's Faux Pas
A friend, his girlfriend and myself had acquired tickets and back stage passes to a Def Leppard arena gig by way of my mate's recently seperated farther dating the ex of the tour manager. I can't say any of us were especially taken with Def Leppard, however our interest was peaked by the news Terrorvision would be the support. We'd all seen Terrorvision numerous times before and were always entertaining. In fact my mate's girlfriend had managed to obtain a drumstick at the last gig of thiers she attended (note how I didn't say catch, it was less quick reaction, good hands of a slip fielder and more GreckoRoman).
At the end of the gig we make our way back stage to take full advantage of a free bar. Being the first such experience we half expected to be mingling with the stars. As it happened, the only member of either band to be there was Def Leppard's drummer.
My mate's girlfriend decides to join the queue talk to him. Eventually, she gets to him and, following the standard exchange of pleasantries, she asks "is Shutty around? You see I have a drumstick of his at home and wanted to ask if I could get another...as I can't play with one."
(Thu 10th Nov 2011, 17:04, More)

» Conspiracy Theories

WWI was not started by the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand
Rob Newman's beautifully told, and convincing, argument. Well worth 45minutes of anyone's time.
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0106vfc/Saturday_StandUp_Robert_Newman_Apocalypso_Now/
(Mon 5th Dec 2011, 21:21, More)
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