b3ta.com user Dr Phil Kitten
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Recent front page messages:

- I love you, Ted.

- I love you too, Mary.
(Fri 19th Dec 2003, 22:14, More)

Yo yo yo BITCH! Where be my line-fresh tuna? I ain't eating no dried up sheeeeeyit!

(Fri 5th Dec 2003, 16:56, More)

That's why they're always snuffling, you see -

they've got hayfever!
(Wed 12th Nov 2003, 21:41, More)

Doobie doobie doo...

Click for guaranteed embiggenification!

[edit]Arse, you wouldn't see his shorts in the reflection from that angle... ARSE.
[edit2] like this.
(Wed 29th Oct 2003, 22:26, More)

YES, DARLING, you were wonderful. Be a sweetie and get me another Vittel please, darling?

(Mon 15th Sep 2003, 23:18, More)

Can I post this here?
I just made it for my profile in 4rthur, and it's turned out rather well I thought...

(Fri 5th Sep 2003, 22:00, More)

It occured to Dave that his Blind Date had "nipped to the loo" 3 hours ago

...and it was now closing time.

Click for embiggenication.
(Sun 31st Aug 2003, 23:13, More)


Clicky to enhugify

(Thu 14th Aug 2003, 20:12, More)

I call this the Walpuss.

(Tue 12th Aug 2003, 13:19, More)

I don't LIKE that pair, get me ANOTHER one. A NICE ONE.

Click for biggitinessity
(Tue 5th Aug 2003, 21:24, More)


(Sat 2nd Aug 2003, 20:56, More)

I hope there're no snakes down here...

clicky for full-size

(Mon 28th Jul 2003, 18:45, More)

Falling in love again... never wanted to... what am I to doo...?

(Thu 24th Jul 2003, 22:44, More)

It was a lovely party, but Jill just couldn't enjoy it properly.

...she kept thinking she hadn't quite got the hang of this fancy dress lark.
(Mon 14th Jul 2003, 23:13, More)

They're all the rage you know.

Appologies to any Japanese speakers for the horribly babelfished slogans.
(Fri 11th Jul 2003, 14:59, More)

Josephine was so happy to hear about Bananaman's birthday,

...she did a little dance.
(Mon 7th Jul 2003, 22:29, More)

Bugger - look what's in there. Let's just find another pub.

Click for a bigger cock, geddit?

(Sun 6th Jul 2003, 23:45, More)


It's Yurtle!
(Wed 2nd Jul 2003, 22:38, More)

I can't wait for this to come out.

(Sun 29th Jun 2003, 12:00, More)

Definitely my chair now, you monkey-faced fucko.

(Fri 13th Jun 2003, 15:03, More)

Sometimes, Dave wondered why he even bothered.

clicky for widescreen view

[edit]And now I have to dash out for dinner - gah! See you all later.
(Fri 4th Apr 2003, 20:24, More)

bedtime for kittens.

Right, I really AM going now.
(Fri 4th Apr 2003, 0:43, More)

REACH! For the stars...

...Gosh, Bradley's looking a bit better these days, isn't he?
(Fri 28th Mar 2003, 14:11, More)

Hey Amerella
This is what I was thinking:

(Wed 26th Mar 2003, 12:10, More)

Julie couldn't believe she'd won.

(Mon 24th Mar 2003, 14:19, More)

As he swung in the breeze, Denis pondered how the fuck he'd got into this mess.

With apologies to Mr B Alive for nicking his pussacat.
(Sat 22nd Mar 2003, 19:47, More)

Er... do you mind? We're a bit busy right now, little girl.

(Thu 20th Mar 2003, 21:08, More)

All at once, Mac realised he was too old for this game.

Click for biggie before Dr. Phil yells at us again
(Wed 19th Mar 2003, 20:45, More)

I fancied a change from kittens.

clicky for full effect

"And then I said to her..."
"No! She never!"

(Thu 13th Mar 2003, 20:39, More)

Mmm, I can't wait for summer.
I love icecream.

This one's seafood flavour. S'got real prawn bits in, too.
(Thu 6th Mar 2003, 18:14, More)

right, you guuuuuuuyyyyyyyys...
I'm 'shopping a fancy kitten in jewellery which I intend to get printed onto some fabric and put on a handbag/shopper sort of thing. They're selling this sort of thing in shops these days and I thought fuck that, I'll make my own.

Trouble is I don't know if I haven't already gone too far... suggestions please?

Click for biggie
(Mon 3rd Mar 2003, 19:23, More)



Bloody hell, all that effort for a small lame pun.
(Sun 2nd Mar 2003, 12:16, More)

Look. I bring Mousefishes.

(Tue 25th Feb 2003, 14:04, More)

Thank you sir
How's THIS for speedy shoppin'!

clicky for big (legible text on the notepad, basically...)

"If I juss walk in a nice shtraight line, the kind mister pleeshman will lemme go home..."
(Wed 12th Feb 2003, 22:16, More)

I say,
what's a nice young Loris like you...

...doing in a place like this?
(Mon 13th Jan 2003, 21:53, More)

Washing Day again...

(Sat 11th Jan 2003, 1:21, More)

Chinchillery, chinchillery chin-chin chereee
Chinchillas are lucky as lucky can beee!

"Mornin' Missus, got any chimbleys need sweepin'?"
(Fri 10th Jan 2003, 23:55, More)

She's only trying to make a living you know...

(Mon 16th Dec 2002, 22:41, More)

I dunno.
If you want something 'shopping...

...you've got to shop it yourself!
(Wed 20th Nov 2002, 20:53, More)

Little Andrei couldn't quite understand

Why he felt such a compulsion to let the hamsters out and take the top off the fish tank...
(Tue 29th Oct 2002, 20:25, More)

well, here goes.

(Sat 7th Sep 2002, 15:48, More)

Look, it's Squirrel Jesus, everybody!

(Mon 5th Aug 2002, 10:53, More)

Here goes my last, best hope for ever winning a competition:

Claudia and Flopsy are very much in love...
(Mon 22nd Jul 2002, 22:01, More)

may I point out
that that took him a whole 10 minutes to produce.

I on the other hand have been slaving away on my challenge entry for SOME HOURS, and this is what I have:

I'll post it again (without starting a new thread, naturally) on Monday, and enter it then. I might fiddle with it a bit more before that, 'cos let's face it - for the time I've spent on it, it Could Be Better.
(Sun 21st Jul 2002, 0:38, More)

I don't feel very well today...

... I think I'll go back to bed now.
(Tue 2nd Jul 2002, 13:28, More)

If you ask me,

...Geri's lost a bit too much weight these days.
(Wed 12th Jun 2002, 12:27, More)

Ahhh... I think I've got it now.
this is my imaginary friend. It tells me to buy shoes and clothes and makeup and wine and cigarettes even when I have no money...

At least, I think it's my friend.
(Sun 14th Apr 2002, 18:09, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Pure Ignorance

I was in the Natural History Museum in London, looking at the Dinosaurs, when I overheard an American (yes, again) gentleman pointing at one in an attempt to educate his spawn.

"You see that? You're descended from one of them!"
(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 1:06, More)

» Irrational Fears

Bathroom mirrors. I used to be terrified of them, but
I'm trying to overcome it with ever-increasing success. I think it stems from crappy horror movies. Something always happens to the (often nekkid and thus unable to run) girl in the bathroom, and often for a "clever" camera angle they'll show it through the bathroom mirror. Candyman, candyman, etc.

This fear manifests itself in two ways: I have to try not to blink if I catch sight of myself in the mirror ('cos then the director will "cut" to the scary thing behind me when I open my eyes) and I have to leave a "nice" face in the mirror (to try to persuade it not to get me next time).

[edit]Also, Mullet Over is right - Daddy-long-leggeses are terrifying.
(Tue 27th Jan 2004, 20:02, More)