b3ta.com user japper
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» The Onosecond

texting while driving..
A girl from work sent me a picture of her new vibrator. So while driving I replied with something like " wow, I really want to see you play with that while you suck me off " all using the best driving text skills ever seen.. Then for some reason I selected my girlfriend in the phone book and sent it to her instead… the onosecond hit, and I was forced into making up a creative explanation involving watching a vibrator review on sex tips for girls on channel 4, sending her the picture, blaming 02 for her not receiving the picture , then having to be enthusiastic in bed for a week..
(Thu 26th May 2005, 14:59, More)

» We have to talk

holiday baps..
Seeing a smashing pair of baps in Bulgaria while on holiday with my ex initiated my "we need a chat.."

She had the sun lounger in front of me and the then GF, and was on her own. Cracking looking lass, size 14, lovely lungs, blonde, early 30's, just my type. So i spend the whole day peeking over my book imagining that my GF at the time wouldn't miss me if i disappeared back to the room to get out the sun, in a covert cover to take miss lovely back to her room and give her the holiday seeing too she obviously craved.

Never happened, so I decided enough was enough when we got back home and started one July afternoon with "have you got a mo, we need a chat" few tears, but really I was glad that I didn't have to dress as a pirate in bed anymore.

(Fri 20th Apr 2007, 10:09, More)

» Road Rage

thumbs up.
As previously mentioned road sarcasm all the way for me..

I just give 'em the thumbs up, sometimes with a wink, and on rare occasions a thumb / forefinger gun like salute with a wink and a very satisfying clicking noise, followed quickly by a thumbs up.
(Fri 13th Oct 2006, 12:33, More)

» The Worst Journey in the World

from Salou, spain to Stanstead
30 mins into the flight the trolley dolly's started to move around with a bit of importance, then the plane jumped around a bit with the customary stomach up in the throat feeling with what comes with a good bit of turbulence just like the best of roller coasters. Anyway, shortly after captain comes on the speakers and tells us all about the sudden loss of hydraulic pressure that resulted in falling 20,000 feet. Then he said reassuringly "if I had any doubts about the integrity of this plane I would land it immediately" Thanks mate, only another hour and a half to worry about that.
(Thu 7th Sep 2006, 15:59, More)

» Apparently I'm a sex offender

teenage window pervin'
When i was 14 i used to stay up for hours and hours hiding behind the bedroom curtains, teenage throb in hand, waiting for the woman next door to have her final slash before going to bed as she was generally stark bollock.
(Wed 23rd Aug 2006, 15:36, More)
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