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This is a question Biggest opportunity I've blown

Not Alan Partridge tells us: "I was once offered the chance to co-present a programme on national radio. Audience of millions, but blew up spectacularly, my entire contribution being the rustling of paper in the background. I was that bad, I have since burned my copy of the pilot show." Tell us about your big break, and how you messed it up.

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 3 Apr 2014, 14:22)
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Regrets? I had a few
opportunities that I might have regretted, if I was shallower.

Chance to be the head of UK toy safety consultancy for McDonalds?
Turned it down cause McD are vile. Their child-centred ads and intensive farming are plain immoral, and not something I want to be associated with.

Secure career in industrial chemistry?
Mucked about too much in 1st year and quit uni - sending me on a spree of dead-end jobs, homelessness, long-term benefit scrounging, and finally, a work ethic, sense of self-worth, and a knack for living happily on very little money.


Casual shag with the boss's trophy wife?
Told her to ask me again when she was sober. She didn't.

Broadcast radio interview with Steve Albini?
Plonker from the student radio station didn't know his mic level from his elbow, so the recording wasn't worth shit. Nice bloke though - and the rest of Shellac. They thought I was from Depeche Mode (Dave Gahan copied my look - I had the beard first!).

*shrugs*
(I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 9th Level Pissant, Sun 6 Apr 2014, 19:04, 11 replies)
I wonder what the odds are of typing so many words at random and none of them making a single coherent or amusing phrase.

(I helped save b3ta! Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Apr 2014, 19:08, closed)
It would take a million monkeys with a million typewriters to produce the works of E.L.James.
But the monkeys would have to be horny.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 6 Apr 2014, 19:58, closed)
I thought the idea of QOTW
was to be a smug unfunny prick.

Did I get it wrong?
(I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 9th Level Pissant, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 18:25, closed)
oh i get it

(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 6 Apr 2014, 20:36, closed)
He's a pompous arse?

(I helped save b3ta! monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 6 Apr 2014, 21:00, closed)
I shall email it to Mr S Lee at the Grauniad.
He'll understand.
(I helped save b3ta! Invisible Wizard - 9th Level Pissant, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 18:26, closed)

"Casual shag with the boss's trophy wife?
Told her to ask me again when she was sober. She didn't"

Basically, your boss's wife didn't fancy you when she was pissed. That's how unappealing you are.
(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 7 Apr 2014, 10:00, closed)
that makes no sense whatsoever
Try again
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 15:42, closed)
It's not hard to follow, you must be very thick.

(I helped save b3ta! Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 9 Apr 2014, 21:01, closed)
It's not hard to type properly
You must be very thick
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 10:28, closed)

' head of UK toy safety consultancy for McDonalds'
You choking yet? No? That one's safe.
(HerWorseHalf, Thu 10 Apr 2014, 1:39, closed)

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