Rhodes, The Belair
I stayed here recently. First holiday abroad with my girlfriend and figured it would be worth splashing out a bit of extra cash on a two week all inclusive in a 4 star hotel.

The only problem was - everything.

A Hotel offering all inclusive beer and food and snacks...free wi fi internet access as well as nightly entertainment.

Snack Bar - if you missed breakfast it wasn't a problem as the snack bar opened at 10:30am, only it didnt. On the first day when we missed breakfast (I was severely hungover so much so I was still drunk) I went to get a burger and chips from the snack bar that quite clearly had (AI) next to it. Only to be told that all inclusive snacks were only available when the hotel wasn't busy, or more precisely not during peak time.

All inlusive drinks - GREAT STUFF lager is available all day from 11am until well 11am the next day! But that was it as far as alcholic drinks were concerned. My girlfriend doesn't drink lager so we had to pay for any alcoholic drink she might have wanted until it turned 7pm and then local alcoholic drinks were made available.

Lunch and Evening meals - I was not allowed a pint of lager in a pint glass. Although if i ordered two halves a lager that was fine...there was no rose wine, there was however white and red which was so finely mixed right in front of us to create some hybrid that most certainly was not rose, it would have been better on chips.

Free internet - nope you had to buy cards from the recption area for about 10 Euros for an hour.

Entertainment - by far the worst part was that the so called entertainment that was supposed to be on every evening was only on 3 nights a week, and it was the same three acts the second week as it was the first week. Which were ALL shit. Some guy with a keyboard and CD player singing songs half of it in Greek and the other half in English was probably the worst and to top it off he really genuinely did have a look or a cross between Jimmy Saville (our lord and saviour) and Triple H (apparently). This meant that for the other 3 nights a week unless you wanted to sit completely on your own after the evening meal and drink shite lager on your own you HAD to go out and spend money.

Regardless of this, and regardless of the huge dent it made in my bank account we had a great time and met some great people and we didnt let it get us down. It was great fun informing all the new guests as they arived and went looking for a snack at 10:30 that they may as well be pissing in the wind.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 15:33, 29 replies)

I stayed in the Rhodos Royal
The snacks bar was open and available pretty much all the time
The lager tap was available 24/7
For the ladies they also had red and white wine taps, plus cocktails were free from the bar while it was open
I was allowed a pint at dinner
Decent entertainment too
Don't know about the wireless because I was on holiday, so fuck the internet
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 16:08, closed)

In Kallithea? We looked at that.
But the resort looked barren when it came to places to eat out, venture to in a drunken stupor.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 16:48, closed)

It was a short walk to Faliraki
which wasn't spectacular but I did score some weed and the missus found somewhere that sold Strongbow
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 17:18, closed)

Faliraki was kinda fun when I was into blur and chlamydia.
Glad you enjoyed it, I love the Greek Islands, if I could retire early and move somewhere a Greek island would be a potential destination.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 18:37, closed)

I went Indiana Jonesing off the beaten path in the caves beneath the Lindos Acropolis
...though the best thing I found was a rock on the beach, with YIUX carved into it, which my friend identified as a shot from one of the Rhodian slingers (from between 400-100BC) - YIUX translates as "Look out!" so it's the ancient world's equivalent of writing "Have a nice day" on the side of a bomb :)
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 19:32, closed)

If that's true that's excellent. I hope you still have it.
We did the whole Lindos Acropolis thing. Walking up it in that heat was pretty harsh though, walking down it was even worse. The bay there is lovely for a bit of a dip though.

I didn't even know there were any caves there if I had I would have had a mooch.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 20:22, closed)

If you look back at the acropolis from the bay they're right there - some of them go really deep as well
thedogladysden.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Lindos-cave.jpg

The slingshot is in my friend's collection of antiquities, accompanied by a little card with my name and "Rhodes expedition, 2014".
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 11:19, closed)

I did see those caves as we approached by boat, I wish i was back there now.
regardless of the shit hotel.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 14:17, closed)

Weed and Strongbow?
That's some exotic shit, right there! Must have been a real disappointment when you got back to boring old Britain.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 10:37, closed)

Oh I know, crazy times
The missus only really likes Strongbow for some reason - I can only assume it's because she grew up outside the UK and so never got sick off it as a teenager. It makes holidays a bit of a pain though because we always have to find some expat bar that sells the stuff, while I'm happy with whatever beer the locals drink.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 11:22, closed)

I think we might have different expectations as to what constitutes 'great fun'

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 16:18, closed)

Ah you were a guest.
Nevermind eh?
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 16:47, closed)

FRESH!

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 16:32, closed)

the en-suite was weird cos there were dice on the mirror

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 18:51, closed)

I recommend that people never take all inclusive in Europe. Mexico and the Caribbean for all inclusive.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 17:35, closed)

I did Kenya it was fucking excellent.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 18:08, closed)

Cape Verde is also good

( social hand grenade I was a lurker before you were a lurker, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 18:17, closed)

de niro was ace in that

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 19:34, closed)

Done Antalya. It was spot on.

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 1 Dec 2014, 20:21, closed)

Cancun was awesome beyond words

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 7:54, closed)

All inclusive pits
The way I see an all inclusive hotel is an open prison. You don't want to eat out because you've paid for your food but the food you've paid for is usually bad. So you're trapped in some shitty hotel for the sake of paying up front. And because no one wants to eat outside there aren't any places outside to eat even if you wanted to.

We booked one night in a place in Fuerteventura because it was close to the airport and the early flight we had the next day. The town was called Caleta de Fusta and had potential (nice beach, promenade etc.) but so many hotels were all inc, that the potential was squandered - a tiny strip of bars and clubs was all there was.

The hotel itself was a shithole called the Broncemar Beach Hotel. Cunningly named because it was nowhere near the beach. It was quite impressive how they managed to screw people over while still boasting to be all inclusive - Thomas Cook scum class quality with ants partying through the rooms, people walking straight past the bedroom windows, cats crapping everywhere, ice cold pools, outrageous internet fees, and coin operated TVs(!).

Avoid all inclusive like the plague. Maybe some are nice but so are lots of restaurants. At least if you have a bad meal in a restaurant you can go somewhere else. If you have a bad meal in an all inc, tough shit you're stuck there.
(MagicMoose, Mon 1 Dec 2014, 22:58, closed)

Went all inclusive in Turkey last year and it was excellent. Resort was spotless and the food was outstanding.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 2 Dec 2014, 13:30, closed)

You get...
What you pay for!
(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 14:05, closed)

This actually seems like pretty decent advice.

( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 14:17, closed)

You wanna do Lindos instead and forget
AI on Rhodes, AI on Rhodes is mostly shit
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 10:43, closed)

Went to Lindos for a day and a night the first time i went but it was rather expensive where we stayed.
I will know for next time.
( spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 12:56, closed)

Cheaper resort of pefkos a tem minute taxi ride away if you wanna cut costs
its all pool bars and beaches though, all quite nice
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Tue 2 Dec 2014, 17:39, closed)

West coast of Corfu - best snorkelling, hilly walks, fortresses 'n' shit.
Where I'm going, I don't need Rhodes.
( joefish It's hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Wed 3 Dec 2014, 17:40, closed)