It's on.
Battered - yet again you have shown your worth as a human being. Firstly you clearly exhibited your failure to understand even the most basic precept of marketing and publicity by constantly giving apeloverage lots of free advertising for his book in the name of you harassing him for posting a picture [shock, horror!]. Constantly. I honestly suspected that you were a patsy or sock-puppet for a while because you did such a good job.
Now you have shown your complete lack of empathy by clearly not understanding what grief and bereavement are about on any level whatsoever. I'm pretty sure you only apologised because it was a condition of you becoming "un-stepped". (Mods - so not all stepees are equal? My stepping was a whole week, not just a day and I sure as fuck didn't harass and accuse someone over the fact that their girlfriend had died.)

AB - you got married. Well done. From what little interaction I've had with your missus she seems like a balanced and vivacious person. I'm sure she relishes spending time with you amidst both of your busy schedules.
Yet here you are for many hours of the day and night posting what really amounts to little more than drivel. Arguing and trying to wind up strangers on the internet isn't really a 'thing'. Ultimately you're just wasting time (as am I but hey I'm not here half as as much as you are and tbh most of the time I spend here is when my family is asleep).
AB, get off the computer, go to bed and have a lovely warm snuggle with your missus.
BTW: Your "Archives" aren't an achievement, they're actually kinda obsessive and creepy.

Shambo - altho you spend much of your time here as well my suggestion is the opposite.
If you are half as much as a cunt in RL as you are here no-one & I mean absolutely no-one deserves to be subjected to your arrogance, bile and invective. You spending hours here spitting your hatred must be a genuine respite for your family.
Keep it up.

inb4 - "upset on the internet", "not going to fuck your wife for you", "cheers", "alright", "something, something OkCupid" and... EDIT: pictures of Steve MacDonald/Noel Edmonds etc.
Oh, I'm sure there's something else I've forgotten.
EDIT: Wait that was it - sheds.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 22:35, 53 replies)

ringofyre - wanker
( Major Turd for tonight only, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 22:46, closed)

Happy Candlemas!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:38, closed)

fankyew

( Major Turd for tonight only, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:01, closed)

fuck off you dull spastic

( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 22:49, closed)

I'm not sure this is going to help!
Battered - yeah, a nasty little cunt.
AB - the 'married' thing isn't too interesting but the archive does provide some laughs. It is a bit obsessive, but how someone chooses to waste their time isn't really any concern of mine.
Shambo - I imagine if someone took this place seriously, then a few of his comments might sting. But I don't, and he can be quite funny. He does spend an astonishing amount of time here but, again, it's not something I worry about.
Ringofyre - just can't help feeding the trolls.
( 4Q just lurking, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:13, closed)

oh dear
Ringofyre- Fat Australian sex pest with a paedobeard and swinging fixation. Can't stop bellending.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:21, closed)

Bindun sorry plummy.
See the end of my post.

Plummy - not such a bad fellow. Until he gets behind a keyboard.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:32, closed)

Cheers.
And it's 'El Plummo' to you.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:39, closed)

Plummie
cause it makes you sound like a right Plum!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:33, closed)

Fuck you!
Lot,,,

I'm clicking.

Stop the fussing and bring back Legless!
(Suck it and Sea, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:51, closed)

Cheers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:56, closed)

at least Battered,
Had the good grace to realise he'd stepped over the line and posted accordingly.
Strange how the real trolls fail to pick up on this.

But then again, social awareness usually comes with social interaction.

I rarely post but his Mea Culpa seems fair enough to me.
Unless you're a troll.
(Docofair, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 23:58, closed)

Call me a cynic
but I get the distinct feeling that Battered's stepping was so short due to his apology. To whit if you read most of his posts after that he certainly doesn't come across as very contrite at all.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:29, closed)

Just as well for his sake he never did anything REALLY bad like post a picture of Keith Chegwin or make a joke about a shed.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:31, closed)

I hear your shed is such a shithole, it's referred to as a slough.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:43, closed)

You didn't
call me a cynic.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:43, closed)

So, hang on...
...you're happy for people to make appalling insinuations about someone who's suffered a traumatic bereavement......but taking the piss on a comedy forum is bad?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:30, closed)

And this kids, is why you should never drink and internet.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:01, closed)

You're not wrong there, AB, because if you do then
something or other and then strangers you'll never meet will something, something.
So think on!
( 4Q just lurking, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:05, closed)

That's actually less coherent than the OP.
Well played.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:22, closed)

Really? You're actually struggling with that?
Gosh.
( 4Q just lurking, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:24, closed)

The header was clear...
...and then it went downhill.
Needless to say, I had the last laugh.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:28, closed)

Now fuck off.

( 4Q just lurking, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:31, closed)

Cheers.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:32, closed)

Cheers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:36, closed)

Cheers.

( 4Q just lurking, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:37, closed)

Cheers.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:40, closed)

Dry as a nun's nasty here AB.
And here you are at midnight your time bashing away at the keyboard with your glib response instead of being snuggled up in a warm bed with your missus.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:22, closed)

I'm too busy calling fucking idiots fucking idiots.
From my bed. On the laptop. With suggestions from the wife.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:23, closed)

Idiots fucking idiots.
That sounds like a bad genetic recipe...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:30, closed)

Ringo..
..you're the product of criminals inbreeding with other criminals. You tell me.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:32, closed)

Wrong AB
I'm actually a very proud Naturalised Australian.

I come from English and Afrikaners stock originally.
So. You tell me.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:35, closed)

I take it all back..
...ex-pats and racists is definitely a healthy gene pool.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:37, closed)

I'm not sure either of these traits is actually genetic. But then, I'm no doctor. But then, neither are you.

I don't know what to think now.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 0:45, closed)

The idiots fucking idiots
has me pondering shambo's parentage...
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 1:21, closed)

Wow
No self-awareness whatsoever
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:46, closed)

I have a dream.
I'm buying a lotto ticket tonight.

If I win a sizeable amount of money, and have some change left over after purchasing Tasmania, I promise I'll offer Ringo, AB, Shambo, Battered, Legless, Apeloverage and another lucky random B3TA'n an all expenses paid trip to Brisbane so we can all go to the pub together and enjoy cold beer, sunshine and steaks cooked over a gas fired bbq.

I'll also invite a documentary film crew to record the ensuing carnage when everyone has a skinfull and tempers fray.
( Ken Oath, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 2:29, closed)

As long as you're buying mate.
EDIT: I'll bring the saussies if you like - my mate Sam is a butcher. No lips, tits and hooves in his sangers, altho I hear he makes the Meanest Equine Lasagna in the West!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 3:24, closed)

You got something against tit sausages?
( Ken Oath, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:53, closed)

Y'know what, Oathsy?
You're alright.
I've only met one of the b3tans Ringo mentions in his post (although he continues to deny that, but that's a different story), but I have it on good authority from the LOVELY Stuj that the others are LOVELY.
Perhaps Ringo could do with a break from the internet for a while.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:41, closed)

Brisbane B3ta bash?
Im in.
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:50, closed)

Soz you're not invited.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:51, closed)

You want to get half a dozen or so internets out of their mum's houses at the same time?
Good luck with that...
(cs1ca, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:25, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/fightclub/post1905635
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:25, closed)

put them on ignore Ringo. or stop whinging. this is just stupid, and not relevant to Qotw,
You're pushing actual stories off the front page, stopping the casual lurker from reading them, and turning it in to some sort of cliquey hate club which is more likely to put off new posters.
I don't know what the site traffic is like, but I know plenty of people lurk here daily, they don't care about this shit. There is a board for off topic discussion, and general discussion. Please use it and stop clogging up the story board with your opinion.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:36, closed)

Clickin dis

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:38, closed)

I already have him on 2.0
the tragic twat is logging out just so he can get upset.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:41, closed)

Textbook not bothered behaviour.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:56, closed)

He'll back pedal soon and claim he started this weepy thread to troll the trolls.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:56, closed)

Well said.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:43, closed)

I agree entirely with this
apart from the invitation to use the off topic board which I would like to withdraw on your behalf. Eff that, yo.

As you were.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 8:55, closed)

We need a /crybaby

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:03, closed)

or /waaaambulance?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:04, closed)

Or the Mods could just ban the poor fucks.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:15, closed)

Alright Windy?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:04, closed)

alright Ringo.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:45, closed)

Changed my mind, this should win instead.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:15, closed)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:39, closed)

This.
I do wish that the same handful of squealers would stop falling for the same generic, predictable lines each week.

Something about my sex life.
(cs1ca, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:37, closed)

b3ta.com/questions/selfimportant/post1843075
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:08, closed)

Jeeeesus
you are a utter bellend aren't you?
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:30, closed)

Another brilliant contribution.
Well done.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:40, closed)

Ringo, old boy
You and I have no previous so I've no reason to call you a wanker or similar, and shan't. But this whole "kicking against the pricks" thing you've got going on above isn't going to do you any favours. Were you really expecting any of those cited to suddenly start applying real-life values to the internet and humbly apologise for their former actions? Or the mods to descend in force and proclaim "CEASE THIS TERRIBLE BULLYING"?

I don't know what your experience of school was like but if you were ever bullied, you should remember that if you acknowledge said bullies they know they're getting to you and keep at it. That's what you're doing here. Appealing to their real life sensibilities won't help, if everyone acted on here as they do IRL the place would be dull as fuck. Take Battered for example. He's lovely IRL. But, you know, dull as fuck.

Fair play to you for fighting your corner, I'd have done the same before I got the hang of this place. But you're just giving them more material to work with.

tl:dr - LOL shurrup LOL
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:52, closed)

I'm trying to work out if I'm being complimented here or not.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:53, closed)

Oh darling you know perfectly well how I feel about you
*waves coquettishly*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:59, closed)

You horrid troll.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:08, closed)

RIGHT THAT'S IT YOU'RE ON MY LIST
I'll sort you out as soon as I've dealt with First Group Eastern Counties, mate. I'll take you to the fackin' cleaners
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:12, closed)

my granny could duff you up and she's been dead for years.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:38, closed)

That would explain my KY bill

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:01, closed)

Believe it or not
a lot of the time I actually enjoy it.
And you're right - I expected neither, it's more the "flies on shit" effect that I'm going for. Present company excepted of course.
And hey, I had a nice tete-a-tete with a few people I rarely get to "converse" with, no-one was really hurt and here we are.
Shout Battered a beer for me next time you see him. Then tell him he's a cunt.
From me.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:28, closed)

I'll have to bill you for expenses I'm afraid

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:01, closed)

woah, WOAH
why am I not on that list you wanker?
(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 9:54, closed)

loser

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:07, closed)

YEAH ! RIGHT ON BROTHER !
Don't worry about AB, he's a male nurse. How pathetic is that, spending all your time thinking "I am a nurse and I am a boy. I should be a doctor but DUR DUR DUR I R 3 THICK, WHICH IS 1 MORE DAN 2 THICK."

And as for Shambles, he's not a real doctor, can't even write prescriptions !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:29, closed)

<3

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 10:36, closed)

Why don't you go and do something furfilling with your life for once in your life like go eat out a bumhole

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:01, closed)

I'll fill your fur.
I'll fill it reeeeeal good. Awwww yeah.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:34, closed)

Oh great, resorting to taking the piss out of my reigistered mental disorder; dyslexia.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 11:42, closed)

Only because you don't have a fat wife
and haven't been recently bereaved.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 12:07, closed)

One day, shambles.... one day.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 21 Mar 2013, 12:14, closed)