Fighting nerds.
It may come as a surprise to some that there are many different forms of nerdery - alongside the standard computer, science and car nerds are the fighting nerds.

I know a guy, who shall remain nameless (but he's a scouser), who served in the army for 10 years from the early 80's to 90's.

He saw the frontline many a time, which no doubt screwed him up somewhat. But I think the major contributing factor was that he was never 'de-trained' upon coming out. He had a very hard time readjusting to civillian life, made worse by the fact that the rave scene was just starting when he came out, and he spent the next 8 years after that taking drugs.

But I digress. It is impossible to do even the most basic of things without the guy talking about defense techniques.

Making a cup of tea? The guy tells you about the many and varied ways you can hurt someone with a kettle.

Giving him a lift somewhere? He gives you a lecture on 'Evasive Driving Techniques'.

Watching a Bruce Lee movie? He insists on letting you know about every single move in the film. (He is also a bit of a martial arts wizz).

He's also the type who demonstrates how to immobilise someone, on you, whether you want him to or not.

All he ever thinks or talks about is violence. He's not a violent person - he never practises any of this stuff - he's just very well studied in the art of doing someone over.

Nice bloke though.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 15:14, Reply)

I get really happy
when I see my digital watch read 11:11:11 or similar. To the extent of watching it when I see it's at 11:10:00 (say) and waiting for the wonderful moment.

Not necessarily nerdy, but pretty sad.

edit: As kitescreech points out, 12:34 is also good.
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 15:10, 12 replies)

Like the IT crowd but grubbier
.
Way back before the dot.com boom, I worked for a small IT company, which had 15 staff. Fourteen nerds and me.

They did their IT, nerdy stuff, I did the admin - all that boring (but necessary) stuff like payroll, ordering paper for the printers, hiring cleaners for the office etc.

For the first eight weeks, no-one spoke to me. I eventually got tired of this (cos I like a wee chat) and asked the boss if there was a problem. His answer? "Yeah, you're a girl. You intimidate them. Not by anything you do, more by what you are. You wear skirts and high heels and that scares them."

It took about three months before they stopped hiding from me. What eventually did it was the coffee machine carry-on. The old one broke, and they spent two solid weeks comparing every coffee machine on the market, price v spec, you can imagine. I got fed up with it, got money from petty cash, went to John Lewis and bought the one with the biggest jug.

They were horrified. My lack of consideration for their previous efforts forced them to actually speak to me - if only to point out I had wronged them. They threatened to booby trap my PC - I threatened to put them all on 40% tax deduction. I also threatened them with de-caff coffee and they buckled under the strain.

Gradually, they came to realise I was human, if a somewhat lesser species (in their eyes) and worthy of at least the occasional kind word. We settled into a decent working relationship, and I got to know them as people rather than just workmates. I still keep in touch with a couple of them - the more grounded-in-reality ones - and look back more or less fondly on that job.

What has always stuck in my mind was the office Christmas party. The boss declared that the party would be on the last working day before Christmas (a Friday) and that he'd supply the booze. We were free to invite partners. I was the only one who had a partner.

MrWitch and I were going out that night anyway, to his works' party, and we arranged that he'd meet me at work, we'd have a drink or two, then go on to his night out. I duly got myself dolled up - shorter skirt than normal and a bit more war-paint, and the party commenced. Our nerds were just getting used to the slightly more glam version of a young WeeWitch, when my beloved rolled up. Already half pissed, dressed up in Burtons' finest, slim tie, clean shaven, the works. Hair styled to within an inch of its life. Ready to party, 80's stylee.

We stood around for about fifteen of the longest, most awkward minutes of my life to date. Me, my nerdy friends, and my big, manual-worker boyfriend. They had absolutely nothing in common, and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

After Christmas, back at work, only one of them mentioned the "party". He wanted to know if I thought changing his dress style would help get him a girlfriend. I did a bit of diplomatic skating around the subject, reluctant to confirm that uncombed hair and brown cords weren't exactly helping him and excused myself to the ladies' loo as fast as I could. It was never mentioned again.

I still look back fondly at that time, once the ice had been broken the guys were the most loyal of friends, and only the promise of more money (lots more money) lured me away to the dirty world of international insurance brokerage.

I remain a friend to every nerd I meet - even if some of them are kind of hard work. Which is probably why I hang around b3ta - it takes me back to my youth.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 6 Mar 2008, 15:09, 2 replies)

0% Nerd
I'm not nerdy. I don't have the dedication, stamina, or passion to be so completely involved in something that I know almost all there is to know about it.

And that makes me sad.

I admire you guys very much.
*sniff*
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 15:09, Reply)

To be fair, I'm pretty nerdy
But I don't obsessively order everything in order, like DVDs and whatnot. I just remember where I put them last- damned good memory, that's my geek trait.

Oh, and being able to quote h2g2 line and verse, and still being proud of the fact that I had the enormous privilege of interviewing Douglas Adams.

Oh, and teaching myself html at the age of 16. Only laziness prevented me from going any further.

Quoting lots of things line and verse... oh Christ I'm fucked, aren't I?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:59, Reply)

I have been told i am a geek....
I strongly protest in the way that only and alpha male geek can. with facts and figures.

I am pedantic and have some areas of knowledge i probably shouldn't. I was in my mates Dr who club when i was 10, and made to study the Dr and the books. I still have a huge knowledge and usually can object to Dr Who pub quiz questions - favourite is "how many Dr Who's have there been?". McGann is always a spanner in the works. sometimes they even just some up with 6!!!!

I have a degree in Applied Maths and stats. (only offset in geekiness by the 3 year hedonism of being at Uni in the 90's - Rave on).

I have a huge huge memory for kids TV shows from 15-20 years ago. i scored 97 out of 100 on the recognise the kids tv show excel quiz that went round a year or so back. my mate thought she was good, nay excellent, with 95. I couldn't hold back my smug glee.

I wrote some software for my acorn electron as a Darts practice simulator to train my real darts playing up. (it did the scores and had "players" to "play" against).

I just sold my transformers collection - 150 actual transformers and the first 150 issues of the comic from 1983 onwards. And can still name them and think the movie - although excellent - is simply not the same story.

Shit. I am a geek. Probably in the same way you get a functioning alcoholic i am a functioning geek. I will always be a geek on the inside, but sometimes i can hold it all in.

And yes. i was bullied at school for a bit. That was mainly coz i was a chunky monkey.

And i just edited my spelling mistakes out of this after i posted this. arsecheeks
( bazza van der trance , ooh baby baby, baby baby. Get up on this., Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:57, 2 replies)

Politics geeks are called wonks
I count myself as a geek and a wonk.

On the politics side, I regularly stay up till... well, the next morning, just so I can watch election results and debates from the U.S. I can recite the names (and most the capitals) of all 50 states in alphabetical order, as well the number of congressmen most states have. Naturally, I own every episode of the West Wing.

Geekery: In the space of one month I bought (and read) 40 Star Wars books. I own 22 Magic: The Gathering books as well as all the Discworld books. I have Pokemon Season 1 on my computer. I have just spent $119 dollars on limited editions of the Superman Soundtracks.

Oh, and I collect comic books. And I'm learning the PokeRap.
( Pretender, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:55, 1 reply)

Star Trek nerdiness
You know Spock's trademark hand gesture, making a V with his hand? I've been known to hold my middle and ring fingers together and my thumb and forefinger together, and spread my little finger and the index and middle fingers- in other words, the reverse of Spock's gesture.

The meaning? Die young and destitute.

Very few get it.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:54, 3 replies)

How nerdy? Quite a bit actually...

and it hasn't done me any harm.

Love,

Bill Gates
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:53, Reply)

I can recite most of the Horus Heresy from memory.
Now I'm off to shoot myself.

(I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if I actually still played the games, but I haven't touched them in years.)
(Bearded Whumpus In chav Britain, schoolgirl offers sweets to YOU!, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:52, 2 replies)

I...
...really like University Challenge.

And I think that Mastermind is too easy.

Actually, maybe that just makes me a twat.
(rockdoctor, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:48, Reply)

There's no worse geek than a VW geek.
I knew a guy who had a beautifully restored split-window VW Bus.

It was all he talked about. He would attend VW shows in it, and he boasted that he once drove from here to Morocco in it without breaking down (apparently something of an achievement for an old aircooled VW.)

I was gutted for him when the local youths robbed it, crashed it and set it on fire. You wouldn't have thought a van was worth crying about, but the guy was never quite the same since.

He's had a few Veedubs since then - mostly Mk1 Golfs and Beetles. And they're still all he talks about.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:47, 2 replies)

As a child...
I collected spark plugs. Nobody offered a similar collection on swap-shop so I must have been uniquey!

My dad threw them out when he cleaned the garage. I was heartbroken.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:46, Reply)

More evidence of nerdiness...
I completely mastered Goldeneye 64. Earned every single cheat. I also learned not only the location but also the order of the spawn points on the multiplayer maps so that I could kill my opponent before they'd even worked out where they were. A well spent childhood if you ask me.
(Mr Eraserhead Why aren't you a lemon?, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:43, 1 reply)

I feel remarkably un-nerdy
After reading a few of these I actually feel *less* nerdy than usual. This is impressive as I'm a theoretical physics PhD student who collects warhammer 40K.

Oh, and to echo crackhouseceilidhband, these things are made slightly worse by being female. (I have glasses *and* currently braces though, so I think I win a bit)

Somehow I expect this QOTW is going to be an exercise in one-upmanship as we each try to out-nerd the other. That in itself is pretty nerdy. How ironic.
( catness, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:38, 4 replies)

Nerdy? Maybe,
geeky? Yes.
I read and collect comics, have attended several conventions ( full-on freak goldmines ) and keep mine bagged and boarded.
I used to play paper and pencil RPGs- Call of Cthulhu, Runequest, Paranoia, Warhammer ( long before 40K ), Car Wars, Bushido and that's just the ones I can remember.
I have a completist streak, which had me searching for a copy of The Sheep Look Up by John Brunner twenty years after I first read The Shockwave Rider, and which compels me to search out every work by a given author or album by a band even if they aren't much cop compared to the one I really liked.
Despite this, I am 15 years into a very happy relationship with my Significant Other; she reads some of the comics, listens to some of the music, but flat out refuses to read the SF because of the cheesy covers. Can't win 'em all.
( uncle bastard is twanging a dan moi, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:37, 1 reply)

I used to be the Dungeon Master
at Haute de la Garenne (Jersey).

Arf! Arf!
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:36, 4 replies)

I am quite technical
and often pedantic, i work in computers, i've used them every day for several hours a day since 1980, i'm never far from one and everyone I know considers me an 'expert'. Its true that pretty much any problem you throw my way I'll fix it - technical or not. I'm just quite logical and can figure most things out. The world is a relatively simple place to figure out most of the time. I am quite nerdy I suppose.

However, I dont really get many of the current nerd/geek things.

Star Trek. Honestly? Really? Its fucking drivel. Only surpassed (at about 2000 mph) by Star Wars. Christ, thats toss. Seriously, pointy headed aliens? Fuck off... Apples iphone. Piss poor. Stupidly expensive - who the fuck have you ever met that uses O2 for chrissakes? Find ONE advantage I agree with that it has over my Nokia 6310 and I'll go out and buy one that instant. Ipods. Grr. Had a 3G model (40GB) for years, beautiful perfect machine. It died recently and I replaced it with a classic 160GB thing. Useless fucking doorwedge. Every single little feature has a 0.2 second delay built into it, the response of it is precisely SHIT, the wheel is shit, coverflow is shit? Coverflow? Who the fuck would ever use that? And the total motherfucking CUNT at Apple who thought they should add DRM to the Video out? You utter cunt. May your family rot with cancer. Try and fob me off with a £45 cable when the previous model would work with a £2 jobbie from maplins. You money grabbing theiving little fuckers. Vista? Fuck off. Cars? All shit. And expensive.

There is not one gadget anymore, not one thing, nothing, nada, that doesnt piss me off in some way. Look at the barrage of new things coming out - just browse the mags, websites etc and look at every phone, computer, toy, gadget etc - they are all shit in some way.

What ever happened to quality? And the first person who says 'macbook'? Fuck off.

For those that care, I find 3 things on this planet worthy of the status of'perfect'.

1. My Nokia 6310i phone.
2. Netapp filers. (very expensive SAN devices but they make me smile, they're brilliant and thats a rare thing in this age in IT).
3. X-Box Media Centre (XBMC). Isnt it sad that the most perfect way of watching TV is totally illegal at every level - from downloading it to watching it on my illegally modified xbox.

So yes I am nerdy, and I have high standards. Stuff really should work these days. It makes me really angry that mostly, its all shit.

Oh and computers (all of them)? Shit. Still.

Its 2008 for chrissakes. They should be good now.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:29, 11 replies)

Perhaps more of a geek than I thought, on second thoughts.
I actually like the music of John Zorn.

(In case you don't know what/who he is, look him up. "A chicken being raped with a fridge" is what comes to mind.)
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:28, 3 replies)

Kati-star-trek-symbol
Back when I was about 16, my best friend was dating a girl from another school who was a year younger. Out of the goodness of their hearts they decided to set her friend up with me. Apparently this girl was a huge science fiction nerd, which is good because so was I.

The first time they brought me to meet her, she didn't show up, although my friend thought he caught a glance of someone who looked like her only with glasses. Yes, she wanted to see what I looked like before agreeing to meet me. After that we started corresponding via notes, delivered by our friends. It was pretty well the sort of thing you'd expect two nerd high school kids to write, back before it was cool to be a nerd.

The weirdest thing was how she spelt her name. Kati with a Star Trek symbol at the end. I assumed she meant Katia but she told me the Star Trek symbol was anonymous.

When we finally met, she was what I'd expect. She wore a NASA patch on her backpack. We went on a few double dates, then I came to her place for our first actual date without our best friends there. I went for it and kissed her, and apparently it scared her and she broke up with me. It was disappointing because she was kind of cute, but clearly not ready. Hell, I'd only kissed two girls before up til that point, and this was the first time it didn't kind of freak me out.

A few years later, she coincidentally became my sister's best friend. She still was obsessed with astronomy and remains to this day. She got into the punk and ska scene and suddenly changed her image from chic nerd to ska kid, stopped wearing huge NASA backpacks and started wearing mini-skirts and fishnets.

She still loved science fiction, and when Star Wars Episode I tickets went on sales I hung out with her in the mall while she lined up for tickets. She even dressed up in costume for the movie. Too bad it sucked.

We ended up becoming good friends, and hung out a lot. She went through a long line of boyfriends, while I had a long dry spell. Finally I started dating a girl I had really strong feelings for (she had a British accent [what are you looking at?!]), and the first time I showed up with her on my arm Kati (no longer Star Trek symbol) suddenly realised what she missed out on. As soon as my girlfriend went to the washroom she started hitting on me (as did two other girls who suddenly just noticed me due to girl on my arm). Funny how girls work that way. Anyway, we never got together in case you're wondering. I moved to Korea and married a girl who doesn't get science fiction.

I just looked her up on Facebook and she's the same as ever. She's still that foxy Hungarian girl I remember (added in the likelihood that she somehow finds this). Her profile pic shows a heart drawn around her and Stephen Hawking. She runs an astronomy group with 172 members who hang on her every word, and judging by the comments she's gotten her column into a major newspaper. Oh well, none of them are the first guy who kissed her.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:28, Reply)

Geek Off
Me and a mate recently had a very public geek off in the pub, much the amusement embarressment of our better halves.

It seems I lost because being a James Bond geek, and having an unhealthy knowledge of obscure Italian horror and sleaze movies is nowhere near as geeky as being a founder member of the Walthamstow Dr Who Appreciation society.

I lost, but only because my geek-fads do not fall into what 'traditional' society deems geek-worthy.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:25, 3 replies)

Its 2008
and I still develop Amiga software.
( Lumpbucket tekcubpmuL, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:18, 3 replies)

Errrm
I used to have regular wanks to Carol Vorderman when watching countdown.



Sorry
( KISS.ME.WHERE.I.POO Signed the sex offenders register on, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:15, 5 replies)

Nerdyness
I organise my computer games and DVDs in chronological order by setting. Which is to say, it starts in "ancient times" going all the way up to sci-fi future stuff and then by play order (i.e Halo, Halo 2, Halo 3). My 3500+ songs on iTunes are organised by artist, album, song and genre and all have album art work. And lets not mention how I organise my "lonely nights" collection.
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:14, 2 replies)

Near Death Nerdiness
Last year I spent so much time sitting at the PC, gaming, that I suffered a blood clot in my leg (DVT). To worsen matters, part of the clot broke off and ended up in my lungs, leading to a pulmonary embolism. Apparently I was very lucky not to have carped it.

I spent a month off work in absolute agony. I was coughing up chunks of blood and receiving injections in the stomach and blood tests twice daily by home visit nurses.

What did I do to pass the time? I built a brand new gaming PC and bought a more comfortable chair of course!!

Mrs Smurf says I'm more geek than nerd though.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:14, Reply)

non pooter related nerdery
friend of mine reads the british rowing almanac every night before sleep comes. or to hasten sleep. probably.

its a yearly published list of all regatta/ head wins from every club, and results for gb, both domestically and abroad.

at least if you can program in basic its useful.

not like knowing who won novice mens pairs at bewdly regatta.

in 1983.

and by how much

and in what time.

and who they beat.
(magictorch, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:13, 1 reply)

Windows and office codes
At the place I work, we have a site license for Windows XP and Office 2003 (amongst other things). As it's a site license, the copies all use the same license codes.

I know those license codes off by heart, and can type them in without having to read them from anywhere.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:12, 3 replies)

I had a nerdy moment in the shower last night...
No, not like that.

But it occurred to me that, in the wake of the Emperor's and Darth Vader's deaths, the rebel Alliance really ought to have detailed plans concerning how to govern the galaxy. With a power vacuum of that magnitude, the risks of internecine, galaxy-wide war seem immense.

This sort of thing worries me.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:12, 3 replies)

before it was deemed a 'classic'
parents coming home early to find me with the TV on the floor and one of those old style tape recorders pressed against the speaker to record my Bladerunner video onto a 90 minute cassette

used to listen to it whilst painting (maybe over thirty times before I moved on)- me and the other bladerunner nerds used to fire quotes at each other in school during art class
(The Goat www.cuttingthroughthematrix.com, Thu 6 Mar 2008, 14:10, Reply)