Morning Wankers!!
How are you on this damp Sunday morning?

I'm going to the gym when my hangover clears. Aside from that, I've got no plans for today.

What does the latter part of the weekend hold in store for you?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:16, Reply)

Alright?
Today is a day of doing fuck all. Didn't finish work until late on Friday and then spent yesterday decorating so I'm Shattered Battered today. Got to rest so I have the energy to attend a 7am meeting in Luton tomorrow.

I may go to Brent Cross later to buy some new pants, but that's about as exciting as it's going to get.
( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:20, Reply)

New pants.
Wow. That is pretty exciting.

How is the little 'un? Sleeping well I hope.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Wife and baby are away for the weekend due to the domestic chaos caused by decorating.
They are then going to Boston on Friday for a couple of weeks. It's like being a single bloke again.

This of course means lots of beer and a massive amount of wanking.
( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:35, Reply)

I'm thinking of taking a week off
Probably starting on the 12th, I might head up your way if you fancy a pint.

It depends on what courses I can find that look interesting.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Do it. We drink.

( Battered I was Agent Orange, Special Agent Orange, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:48, Reply)

I'll be in touch.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)

i think I will watch lots of tv

( K Swizz all my bells are ringing, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:44, Reply)

Weekend is already gone here.
I spent yesterday moving house, today dyeing my hair, watching Big Bang Theory and having cuppas. And meeting flatmates. Tomorrow I have a job trial at a cafe in town. Should go well, I'm hoping.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:50, Reply)

How is the study going?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 9:57, Reply)

not started yet.
It starts on tuesday. Currently just printing off the lecture notes.
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Peeved.
Which is at least a step down from the "displeased" of last night.
(Crowsephine : not as supreme as a proper crow, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:00, Reply)

did someone call you a flop haired limp wrister again?

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:11, Reply)

hahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:36, Reply)

Worse. Far worse.
Seriously, I'm flapping and teapotting around the place in an Olympic-level hissy fit that would make Louis Spence look straight.
(Crowsephine : not as supreme as a proper crow, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Poppet can't come to the desk right now
But she sends her sympathies and wishes she cunt someone in the fuck for you.

Sincerely,
Neil (on her computer while she's in bed)
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:03, Reply)

Eh?

(Crowsephine : not as supreme as a proper crow, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:04, Reply)

Poppet is having a lie down because she is tired
so she asked me to type her reply for her because she is wrecked from moving house
(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Ah, I see
Well, it'd be great if you could tell Poppet that, if I knew who actually deserved to be cunted in the fuck, I'd set her right on them, but otherwise I appreciate the gesture.

And thank you, Neil. Have a biscuit.
(Crowsephine : not as supreme as a proper crow, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:12, Reply)

sitting around, reading
feeling a bit glum about the week ahead. it's all going to be a bit dull.

SHould be cheery really, a week to sit on my arse with very few commitments.
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:09, Reply)

but it's all worth nothing if you aren't able to wank

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)

My left arm works fine thanks.
it's avoiding wearing it down to a bloody stump that's the problem
( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

phew
I'm sure you refered to it as 'your wanking arm' the other day. Are you ambiwankstrous?
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:25, Reply)

well, it's not the same, but it get's the job done.

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)

buy more tissues

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

I might get up in a minute.
I can't see us doing very much today, as he's still crippled and I'm a lazy bitch. After wandering around the park yesterday in a t shirt, it seems odd that Weston is wetter than an otter's pocket today.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Arr, it's damp in the capital of the West Country too.
I'm going to put the kettle on, fancy a brew?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Oh, god, yes.
No sugar. And I don't suppose you have any Lactofree?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

You're right. I don't have any milk free milk.
I can do you a black tea if that helps?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:26, Reply)

That's racist.
Anyway, Lactofree is still cow's milk. It just doesn't have any lactose.

Are there any biscuits?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:28, Reply)

Yeah, I've got nice and chocolate biscuits.
Or there is cake.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Oooh.
What kind of chocolate biscuits?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Quite nice ones.
Some of them are wrapped in foil, some of them aren't.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:31, Reply)

There's posh.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)

How is your sister in law to be getting on in a new country?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:33, Reply)

They had quite a house full yesterday when I spoke to them
But I think she got past the border safely. She'll be fine.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Good stuff!
Exciting times for them. When I'm next in Edinburgh, I could take some hub-caps with me and get them biked over as a house warming.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)

I'm sure they'd appreciate that.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)

It'll be like a home from home for Roota.
Are you going up to visit them soon?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)

In the summer. It's my mum's 60th, so we've had a three line whip to be there.
I'm sure we'll make it over the bridge to see the new gaff.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)

Nice.
SqueezyJet have a sale on at the moment too.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)

I wonder if anyone has tried having sex with an otter's pocket.
Do they even have pockets?
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)

You filthy beast.
So, how did it go? Was it a date?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)

I'm not sure, had a really good time though and we're meeting up next saturday.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Derby day, innit?
I'm off to the pub after I've had another coffee and a shower.
( Davros' Granddad Monty, could you grow up and have a life? Kthxbai., Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I'll be watching DG
Are you and Sporty going to have a massive fight by the Tyne?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I'll probably be too trousered.
Whatever the result.
( Davros' Granddad Monty, could you grow up and have a life? Kthxbai., Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:41, Reply)

Gym, spring cleaning, light saber maintenance, man u v yids, Xbox

( SteveFrench What's it all aboot eh?, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Best euphimism for wanking ever.

( Davros' Granddad Monty, could you grow up and have a life? Kthxbai., Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:44, Reply)

haha

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:58, Reply)

parents coming round in a bit
then off for lunch. Later I will panic as I've forgotten to prepare something for a lesson tomorrow. Then a brief melancholy before bedtime. You know, the usual
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 10:59, Reply)

Are you going to cook your folks a super noodle sandwich?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

One of the serving suggestions for super noodles
Is to put them in a pitta bread, then top it with flaked tuna and mayo.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Briefly I read that as "topped with a flake"
me likey
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

You disgust me.
In other news, I'm glad you still exist.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)

What made you think Cavy stopped existing?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:29, Reply)

I turned off my computer.
And seeing as she's just an incidental character in my life story, she ceased to exist.
Do keep up.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Hang on.
When I'm not online do you forget I exist?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:32, Reply)

It's not that I forget.
it's just that you don't exist.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)

But I do still exist.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Are you sure?

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Yeah.
Totally sure. As sure as eggs are eggs.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:40, Reply)

I only exist to
help exposit the plot. I mean, apparently my fb picture even looks a bit like hers. Lazy authors.
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)

No, no. that's going to be a plot twist.
You'll turn out to be my evil twin or something.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:36, Reply)

You're a couple of spastics.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:36, Reply)

But you love us

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:38, Reply)

I tollerate you.
You love me.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:39, Reply)

I tolerate your flid spelling.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Zing.
*sobs*
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:43, Reply)

shut up, man
we are hilarious
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:42, Reply)

True.
Not as funny as someone getting hit in the nads by a football, but funny enough.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)

And sexy. Don't forget sexy.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:44, Reply)

*pulls 'duck' face*

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:45, Reply)

I have met you, remember.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:46, Reply)

so you already know

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Know what?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:59, Reply)

that we're hot stuff

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:00, Reply)

Hey, Captain.
What online dating site do you recommend?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:05, Reply)

What, so you can avoid it?

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:06, Reply)

OUCH!

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:08, Reply)

hahahaha
I thought she was your friend.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:08, Reply)

:(

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:12, Reply)

OKCupid
it's free and it lets you update as many pics as you like and change your profile and it's less uptight than some of the others.
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:07, Reply)

I'm not signing up for a free one.
There might be poor people on it.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:08, Reply)

it's way better than the ones you pay for
you'll get more messages and there are things to arse around with on there like stupid quizzes and questions
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:10, Reply)

I'd need you to explain to me how a stupid quiz
Might help with meeting someone.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)

well some are ones like myers briggs and stuff
others perhaps they could just be good to start a conversation about, or just waste time while you stare at the computer longing for the love of your life.

the questions are the thing they work out compatibility on
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:15, Reply)

I might just go to the pub instead.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:16, Reply)

are you a chicken, mcfly?!

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Why don't you make like a tree...

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:19, Reply)

and drop your nuts?

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:29, Reply)

Hahaha.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

*cries*
Busted. In all my unsexy glory.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:04, Reply)

McFly!

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:05, Reply)

Shut up, I like McFly.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:05, Reply)

haha, busted!

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:08, Reply)

I think B3th has
McFlown
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:13, Reply)

No, I'm still here.
Just reeling from the abuse.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:18, Reply)

Sorry b3th.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:20, Reply)

oh! cool!
That means I get more lines in the story
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:37, Reply)

Oh grim times.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:47, Reply)

How was the fish last night Gonz?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Hah, the food was alright, although I know better to do some stuff than next time...
... I over-crowded the chips, but too many in there and they wern't cooking minus a few in the bottom. I was gutted 'cus I bigged them up big-time. Next time I know better though. The fish was quite good though, simple cod, the first one was shit and I binned it, but the other 3 were really good (the fillets were tiny so we got two packets of 2 fillets). I then deep fried some "Malteaster" bars in the left-over batter.

All in all, had an ace time, we're hooking up next saturday. Donno if it's a date or not, I don't really mind eaither way, but had a great time =)
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:01, Reply)

kiss her and find out!

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:04, Reply)

hell no
that's why we'll be off out to some pub or something
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

A super noodle carvery.
It's all go in Wales!
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)

YEAH!

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:27, Reply)

HELL YEAH!
A Cavy Carvery.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:30, Reply)

this has got a bit more creepy now

( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:34, Reply)

spit roast lolz.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Still feel slightly hungover
Going to sit around in my dressing gown doing sod-all until I run out of fags, then get showered and dressed, get some fags and do some more sitting around.

I should really do some washing up at some point, I'll see how it goes after lunch.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:21, Reply)

you made a decision about
accepting that job yet?
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:24, Reply)

No
I have to dig up a current copy of my CV which is on my work machine I think.
( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Cooking, washing up, theatre, willing the sun over the yardarm.
It's an exciting life alright.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:18, Reply)

sun is now over yardarm
what you seeing at the theatre? something classy?
( Citizen Cavy is reporting your crimes to the great leader on, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:19, Reply)

Sadly not
Some shit for kids.
Fortunately there is a bar.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:20, Reply)

hahaha
I was just looking at signing up for a dating website and it needed me to enter a dating 'profile' I might nick 'Cooking, washing up, theatre, willing the sun over the yardarm' as my intro.

I'll be beating them off with a shitty stick.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:19, Reply)

It worked for me

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:21, Reply)

I might just put 'Washing up' as the answer to everything.
That way, I can 'copy/paste' everything, it'll be quicker that way.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:23, Reply)

Good plan
Chicks dig clean plates. Probably.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:27, Reply)

You could just answer
'being bent and mean' to every question.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:28, Reply)

Another good plan
Chicks dig benders* and being mean is reputed to encourage keenness.


*well, 'swipe does.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

Do you think that me adding
'Fat chicks need not apply' is going to be a good closing statement?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:34, Reply)

It's alright.
I wasn't going to apply.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:34, Reply)

You're marrried.
And anyway, Gonz has 'first dibs' on you.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:41, Reply)

He won't wait forever.
But it's nice to be wanted.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:47, Reply)

You think Mr B3th will be one of those who lingers on and on?

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:52, Reply)

Not to hear him talk.
You'd think he wasn't going to see another xmas.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:02, Reply)

This is rubbish b3th.
Under 'appearance' I get to choose from 'average' 'attractive' or 'very attractive'

Why isn't there an option for 'face like a bag of spanners'?
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:48, Reply)

Do you get to quantify it?
"My mum says I'm very attractive..."
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:50, Reply)

So far, the only possitive I've been able to put in
That doesn't make me sound like a west country Amy Winehouse is 'dead good at beating mongs at Crazy Golf'.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:52, Reply)

Speaking of mongs
I've discovered football on teh telly. This has made me do a happy.

Even if it is only a shit Welsh team against a shit London team. At least I don't have to look at Adrian Chiles' smug fat face.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:56, Reply)

I'm watching the North East derby.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:58, Reply)

I don't suppose that's on terrestrial?

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:05, Reply)

ESPN

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

It's precisely this sort of shit that keeps me and Mrs Upinblue together
/an old romantic at heart
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:57, Reply)

All I want to put in is
'Fit bird required. Apply to this address. Even if you're not that fit, feel free to apply. Especially if you've got nice tits'.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:59, Reply)

Pure poetry.
I don't know any birds who wouldn't jump at an offer like that.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:04, Reply)

Oddly.
My profile has been rejected.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Your face has been rejected.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:24, Reply)

I hadn't uploaded a photo by that point.
Annoyingly, it's a generic 'your profile has been rejected' message, rather than anything specific.

But start as you mean to go on, rejected by the website before I get rejected by the other users.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:26, Reply)

Are you talking about a serious profile?
I mean, you didn't add in any of the stuff about fat chicks?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:28, Reply)

What's wrong with saying 'no fat chicks?'
The site allows you to choose your preferred skin colour of any potential partner.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

http://www.sports-dating.co.uk/
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Do you think that site will include a crazy golf section?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:45, Reply)

"no darkies"

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

It'll be an automatic language filter
Substitute "breasts" for "tits" and you'll be away.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Cheers Tangled.
I might swap the word clunge for clopper as well.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Best to be on the safe side

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 13:33, Reply)

It would certainly save a lot of upset later on

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:35, Reply)

Put it in capitals so there is no ambiguity:
NO FAT CHIX!!!
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:36, Reply)

Thanks Tangled.
I need help at this difficult time.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:41, Reply)

Here to help

( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:52, Reply)

Hobbies and interests
'Being bent and mean'

Favourite holiday destination

'Somewhere that'll allow me to be bent and mean'

This has legs.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

Never mind the yardarm.
It's five o'clock somewhere.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:20, Reply)

The truth is I couldn't give a shit about the yardarm
But I do need to ensure that I will not be required to drive again before I can get stuck in.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:22, Reply)

Fair enough.
Are you in charge of many small people?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Two of my own
And at the theatre I will have a friend of the eldest too.
( tangledupinblue Your beat kicks back like death, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:28, Reply)

Oh joy.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 12:33, Reply)

The north east derby was well watchable.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 14:16, Reply)

I was just thinking how cool it would be if I could suddenly swallow a pill or something and be good at something, like playing the voilin.
I would love to be able to play the voilin well.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 14:45, Reply)

But you can code well!
And cook.

I saw that salmon thing on Saturday Kitchen yesterday morning, and I could just imagine you going "Oh my god, I have to make that. But I'll just change that one ingredient. And cook that bit slightly different. And add in something extra. And change teh presentation. Oh man, I totally have to make that for my my next swahray. It'll be a definite knicker-loosener."

Was I anywhere near close?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 14:50, Reply)

I'm watching Goldfinger.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 14:54, Reply)

Haha, it got me thinking about alternative ketchups and I wanna get some agar agar now.
I think the bouqay-guarney he used would be too subtle, I'm not convinced a tiny bit of pine and the other aromoates would infuse the oil enough. I think maybe something stronger like a few teabag would work though. The red cabbage ketchup got me thinking about using a combination of pickled cucumber/onion liquifide jelly/ketchup. And then, reversing what he did, by using red-cabbage sliced thinly as a texture thing, instead of the pickled raddishes. I'm not 100% hot on the low-heat salmon cooking, I imagine it would absorbe too much oil. I've never really tried confette before (the methord of slow cooking in fat), but it seems too much for me, a heart attack waiting to happen.

I wasn't concentrating while watching it, but those mayos to go with the chicken coujons looked right up my street, I'd love to sit in a bar and nosh on 'em with a pint. Americans have it right when it comes to bar-snacks, heavily fried and heavily sauced.

I think the most interesting thing this year that they've done, was actually something that [ginger headed radio guy, chris something, the one who fucked the Dr Who girl] did, which was a desert of strawberry filled deep fried raviloli.

0o0oh man, and code wise, hopefully by the end of the day I'll finish off something AWESOME.
( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:04, Reply)

So I was essentially right?

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:27, Reply)

Pretty much =) I still want to be able to swallow a pill and be able to play the voilin though.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:36, Reply)

I know you so well ; )

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:46, Reply)

you 2 are made for each other.

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:48, Reply)

Oh ello.
It's Eddie Kidd.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:52, Reply)

Eddie Flid.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)

I like this.

( Comradely&Quixotic still hating Thatcher,, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:25, Reply)

Alright Elaine Paige.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:50, Reply)

Alright Benny from Abba.


from Abba on the loose.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:54, Reply)

I look nothing like Benny from Abba, or a Benny on the loose.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:59, Reply)

Oh, so you're a benny tied to a tree?
Best thing, really.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:00, Reply)

I'm no Benny.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:01, Reply)

You're very touchy today.
Is it because you're not good enough to join desperatedating.com?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:10, Reply)

Yeah.
Rejected by the site has got to be a first. I was expecting to get rejected by the users of the site.

I'm tired b3th. That's why I'm a bit grumpy.
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:11, Reply)

You should have a beer and a wank.
Then a kip.

always helps me ; )
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:13, Reply)

I thought you'd give up drinking!

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:20, Reply)

Yeah, I have.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:21, Reply)

So are you wanking twice as often to make up for it?

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:22, Reply)

Ah, you remember being married...

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:24, Reply)

LET'S ELOPE !

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:11, Reply)

What about your doctor bird?
Don't you at least want to give her a go on teh Gonzmobile first?
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:17, Reply)

As a big fan of Jermey Kyle, I reckon if it all works out, you got another 3 weeks before the ship leaves port.

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 16:33, Reply)

so...how was last night?
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 14:56, Reply)

It was a good laugh !

( Ain't no 'igger like Gonz the J-'igger LETS GO GOBBO LETS GO !, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:06, Reply)

a day in the life of Roota's cat
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE6SyDFM2Z0&feature=related
( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:01, Reply)

When I phoned up last night
Roota's cat was hiding in a wardrobe. Then they turfed him out and he went to hide in the bath.
It must be a very scary new house.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:29, Reply)

Maybe he just wanted to unpack and have a soak before bed.

( JeffTheDogFucker JeffStock III - Now in the calendar, Sun 4 Mar 2012, 15:32, Reply)