FFS
What are you doing this weekend?

I am seeing my chicken-pox-ridden kid this evening and staying over with her. I'm going round a chum's for dinner tomorrow and back round to see my daughter Sunday morning.

In case you were wondering.

Alt: something about raffles
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:55, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

My colleague's kid has just been diagnosed with chicken pox.
The colleague has never had it and his wife is newly pregnant.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 14:57, Reply)

Ouch. Not a good combination.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:00, Reply)

Oh dear.
Maybe you should order them a tiny Star Trek coffin, just in case, like. With a slogan on it, like:

'Live long and..err, never mind. Soz'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:00, Reply)

I'll make it look like a torpedo
and then we can have one of their burial in space ceremonies and then throw it out of the kitchen window.
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)

There you then. SoRTED.

Next problem please?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)

I think this is one of my better ideas, frankly.

( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Gosh yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)

They'll be alright, just be careful.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:06, Reply)

I don't understand how anyone can not have had it
Both my kids had it by about their first birthday, did they not ever go near any other kids?
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:09, Reply)

In some parts of the "realm" we have running water and soap.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:11, Reply)

Yes yes I know all about your modern witchcraft
But that doesn't stop Chicken Pox does it?
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)

Pretty much, sanitation is the best way of stopping it.
As is using tissues to stop sneezes.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:25, Reply)

Nursery School makes it almost unavoidable no matter how hard we scrub them

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:31, Reply)

Shit-all, most likely
I want sleep. Lots and lots of lovely sleep.
(berk, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:01, Reply)

That was me yesterday after a mammoth steakathon with Lighty, Lusty and, errr Stunny on Weds.
However I slept like a fucking champ last night and will doubtless be asleep by half nine tonight as there's nothing to do at my ex's once Len's asleep.

I've already been through all my ex's stuff so many times it's boring.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:04, Reply)

Have you already tried on all her clothes then?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:06, Reply)

Fuck yeah.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)

I can't remember the last time I 'slept like a champ' sadly
I'm permanently knackered.
(berk, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)

The trick is to alternate
between caning epic mountains of booze and drugs and staying up half the night, and then recovering. Your problem is that you haven't pushed it quite far enough. Then total exhaustion will sort you out.

I'm a doctor so you can trust this advice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)

ditto
I was in bed by 11 and slept till 7:30 this morning. Feel fine now. Might go to see that Avengers movie at the weekend
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)

The human body's capacity for self-repair is amazing.
I've been testing this for some time now, so I know for sure that it is.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)

Pub tonight, Dim Sum lunch tomorrow
then maybe go see Wheatus... but probably not. Then sunday that's my fun day.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:03, Reply)

Christ they were abysmal.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)

"play teenage dirtbag"
will be heard I'm sure.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)

as will 'well they've played it now, shall we go home?'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:14, Reply)

I mentioned earlier in the week what I am doing at the weekend and as a result MMPS called Poppet an internet fatty and a row started, so I'm saying nothing.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:03, Reply)

You fucking troublemaker.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)

I know, right?
It's always me, stirring something up, I can't help myself.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:10, Reply)

Friend's 40th piss up on Sunday. I have already signed her up to mailing lists for stannah stairlifts, mobility scooters, hearing aids, surgical clothing, walking frames and incontinence products.

Other than that just spending time with my daughter.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:05, Reply)

Looking after my horrible nephews and drinking, lots of drinking

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:06, Reply)

My mothers having a garden party for the jubilee
and has written on the invitation "Dress as if for the queen"

I don't think she means anything like what I intend to wear, but it is what I would wear for the queen.
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:07, Reply)

Hahahaha
'you don't know her like I do, mum. She fucking loves this shit'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:11, Reply)

I'm thinking of wearing a T-shirt that simply says
Fuck Off The Queen.
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)

YM

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:08, Reply)

Once again, no sex for you, then.
Unless the snip has turned you female.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)

Maybe your mum just needs to be hit
with the full force of PJ's ballistic masculinity to be set back on the righteous path of cock, cock and more cock?
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:13, Reply)

Thats what most lezzas need
a damn good shagging, that'll sort them right out. Couple of multiple orgasms from a good hard cock and they'll be back on the straight path
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:15, Reply)

Most lezzas except for the REAL diesels
because we're better off that way
( Kroney, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)

Most of the documentaries i've seen about lezzas they seem to get bored
and start sucking some guys cock after about 5 minutes
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)

I like Sid the Sexist's reply on being asked what tupenny lickers do.
"Well they sit backwards on a chair and fiddle with their twats 'n' that".
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)

Is that from the same Sid the Sexist where he says
"Its ok pet, I'm a modern man, I'll take you up the shitter then shall I?"
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)

It may well be.
Edit, the silver tongued cavalier!
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)

Classic

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:26, Reply)

They were very large scissors

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:14, Reply)

No, you just have tiny bollocks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)

No, they are just far away
and holding a banjolele
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)

Hahahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)

I will be
Riding 15 miles in 45 minutes
Riding a fixie
Watching The Hunger Games and not thinking its a good adaptation from the book
Putting real corks in to bottles of homemade wine
And suffering about a 17% failure in mac hard drives compared to less than 1% on PCs (but only at my work place)

Have I missed any?
( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:12, Reply)

I thoguht you had already seen teh Hunger Games?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)

I have already done all these things

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)

you're so hip I'm amazed breathing isn't too mainstream for you.

it's all internet banter, but seriously, a fixie? that's going too fucking far, man.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:19, Reply)

shopping and cinema and dinner tonight
seeing my friend who is over from zurich tomorrow lunchtime, then party tomorrow evening, and out sunday night. non-stop party-shop.

never been to raffles. i've had afternoon tea at reids, though, which is apparently fairly comparable.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:16, Reply)

Richard Reid's?
The 'shoe bomber'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)

yes
his champagne was exquisite
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)

Aw man he tries to blow up a plane and then he gets to snog Jessica alba in that film

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:20, Reply)

Pub tonight.
Taking photos of people running Sunday morning.
And going to an art gallery in the afternoon, for a bit of culture. Which you sodding plebs know nothing about.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)

'Taking photos of people running'?
Women, running from you, by any chance?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:18, Reply)

No it's a 10k run here, and 40,000 healthy people will be running down the street.
They usually run TOWARDS me mate. *Polishes fingernails*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)

To ask you to stop taking photos of them?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:35, Reply)

That only happened once,
when I was hiding in Primark's changing room.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:41, Reply)

Scottish Cup final and single malts tomorrow
Tip runs and putting up bunk beds on Sunday

Alt: Apparently you can raffle off any unwanted dogs here: raffledog.com/ . I haven't read the T&Cs or anything but I think it's a valid assumption.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:17, Reply)

FINALLY some raffle facts!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:24, Reply)

whimpering and crying
with occasional breaks for crying and whimpering.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:19, Reply)

No plans for tonight
Tomorrow I'm seeing family for my Nephew's birthday, with a mention or two of mine as well.

And it's my birthday on Sunday, quiet afternoon pint, methinks.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:20, Reply)

Happy birthday for then, young man.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:21, Reply)

Thank you, good sir.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)

You're in Macc aren't you?
Start a birthday fight.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:28, Reply)

Nope, travelling up to Liverpool, even better(!)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:49, Reply)

Watch the thieving scouse twats don't nick your bank card then.
Oh wait...
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:57, Reply)

The thief was a Stokey, even worse!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:15, Reply)

This weekend I am giving Swipey a multiple orgasm

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:23, Reply)

+ by masquerading as a screaming bent-shot.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 18 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)

If it works

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)

Involving chocolate fingers?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:27, Reply)

i have a very busy schedule this weekend
how long will it take?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:34, Reply)

He's usually done in about 30 seconds.
Especially if you dress like an oven glove.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:36, Reply)

good for him
but what about ME? he promised it to ME.

takes more than an oven glove to get me frothing at the gash.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:39, Reply)

Exactly, he will orgasm over you mulitple times.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)

hmmm
good for the skin though it is, i think i'll stick to my creme de la mer, gracias.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)

You what's in that right?
It's just fish jism.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:47, Reply)

i don't actually use that
at the moment i have a lancome one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:01, Reply)

Depends how many you wants

( Peej, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:39, Reply)

try some "ribbed for her pleasure" condoms
but turn them inside out first.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:43, Reply)

Going Borough Market with my dad and brother.
Then the pub and then watching the Champions League final somewhere in Blackheath as we're hopeful there won't be too many Chelsea knobheads round that way. All my mates are still at uni and the doris is going to Copenhagen so it's gonna be a family affair for the meantime.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:44, Reply)

Congratulations.
You're the first b3tan I can recall referring to the missus as a "doris". I seem to recall this is a West Country term?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Fri 18 May 2012, 15:47, Reply)

It's a cockney term for a prossie, non?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 18 May 2012, 16:22, Reply)

Are you not afraid of catching shingles?
Its very nasty for old codgers like you.

Alt: He's the gentleman thug from Viz.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 18 May 2012, 15:54, Reply)