Sepp Blatter has asked the Germans to look into alternatives to the penalty shootout to decide drawn matches in football.
What do you think they might come up with?
( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:03, Reply)

The Final Solution.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:04, Reply)

A dance off

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Reduce the number of players over a period of time, it'll still be shit I imagine

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:05, Reply)

Rap battle?

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Rock, paper, scissors?

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:08, Reply)

World war?

(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Ha, beat me to it.

(Poppet Now in new, Lean Mean Fighting Machine form!, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Whichever team the player with the best hair is on, should win.
Only because Fulham would win every time thanks to Bryan Ruiz.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Bring back Carlos Valderrama!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:11, Reply)

I can still vividly remember him crying when England knocked Columbia out in France 98.
God knows why. But Bryan, oh Bryan, I want your sleek barnet of perfection; tinyurl.com/cwp54v9
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Yeah, Countdown just isn't the same these days.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Now that is my sort of joke.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)

Two from the top and 4 from your bottom please

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)

Charades?

( Bill Clay shoots the glass on, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Falling out of a guard's tower?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Football is gay and tedious?

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)

They should make them play on but remove a rule every 10 minutes. First handballs are allowed, then there's no offside rule, then there's no such thing as a dangerous tackle.

in fact, fuck it, this is just how football should be played. 90 minutes but every 10 they stick a pin in the rule book and whatever rule it hits no longer applies.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:12, Reply)

No, this is how football should be played:
One second into the game, the grounds should be sealed and Zyklon B pumped into them, killing all the players and fans.

Rinse and repeat.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Well they are asking the Germans to come up with ideas, so you may get your wish.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Spoken like a true Willie Woofter.
Football is ace, and you just don't like it because you were never cool enough to get picked.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)

It's because I'm not common.

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)

I beg to differ
You frightful oik.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Corner count.
It might encourage more attacking play and result in fewer draws.
( JeffTheDogFucker, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Seeing as most footballers are retarded
I think asking them to count how many corners there are on the pitch might be seen as 'disabled abuse'.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:16, Reply)

diabled abuse? nice touch mongo.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Won't the answer always be 'four'?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)

In your own time

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)

hahaha

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)

FOOTBALL IS FUCKING SHIT.

( Battered How you doing Randy, what's happening?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:17, Reply)

You have to calm down, you're going to do yourself an injury.

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:23, Reply)

I am a temple of calm, contemplation and peace.

( Battered How you doing Randy, what's happening?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:25, Reply)

They should go to 'points', like in boxing
based on complicated algorithm taking into account possession, shots on target, number of fouls etc.

Or flip a coin.
( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Penalties are fine, any alternative will be shit.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Kick each on them in the shins in turn, last person standing is the winner.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Shin kicking was an old english village pastime.
People would end up having bits of their leg bones missing and stuff.
( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)

I just looked it up
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shin-kicking
They used to build up tolerance by hitting their legs with hammers :S
(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)

Muay Thai boxers do that too.

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:43, Reply)

Kung fu types also do this to arms and legs
You cause tiny fractures which then heal, making the bones much tougher or something.

Then they eat a tiger's cock if they're impotent, or something.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:53, Reply)

first one to invade poland

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Let free a couple of excitable dogs on to the pitch.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Oh man, do you remember that day back in school when a dog got into the playground!? Oh, how funny was that!

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)

I WAS OFF SICK THAT DAY :(

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)

you were running around in a snoopy costume

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:36, Reply)

He just wanted to encourage the strays to mount him.

( Bazongaloid Superfly MAYDAY with a badger gonna GIT yo sucka!!!! says "GO SWANS" in that there 'stralian football, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:37, Reply)

hence the marmite smeared around his hairy poo chute
nice
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)

NOM

( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:42, Reply)

We've all got our own particular methods.
I find this to be the most effective.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)

i never had a dog on my playground
well, apart from that Poppy Williams LOL
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Even men with steel hearts love to see a dog on the pitch

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Why don't they keep the penalty shootout,
and just get rid of the tedious 90 minutes of kicking the ball around the field that precedes it?
You could get the whole World Cup over and done with in one day.
( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Try one of the the hockey alternatives we use
it's kind of like penalties, but rolling. Attacking player one-on-one with the keeper, starting from about 30 yards out. 10 seconds to score.

/serious answer is tedious
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:32, Reply)

yeah
because footballers can cope with hockey tactics
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:34, Reply)

hockey is for pricks

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:37, Reply)

totally. and shitcunts.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)

And they all have stupid nicknames.

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:47, Reply)

the absolute stupidest.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:49, Reply)

one might even be tempted to call them 'pricknames'

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:50, Reply)

well one might, yes.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:50, Reply)

so what do you do for fun?
apart from humping your cowboy-hatted oiseau a l'orange
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:39, Reply)

i hide shards of glass in astroturf

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:49, Reply)

that'll only fuck up footballers, Q
Hockey astro doesn't have blades, there's nowhere to hide anything.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:50, Reply)

i'll put itching powder in your socks

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:55, Reply)

one of our clients was just telling me that he slid across the dancefloor at a wedding
and got 3 inches of glass embedded in his shin.

i have been retching ever since.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:52, Reply)

I did that years ago in a dual-slalom downhill race
landed on a discarded beer bottle. Nearly took my fucking kneecap off.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:53, Reply)

christ badger
are there any bits of you that you haven't fucked?!?
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:54, Reply)

his bumhole
he can't reach :(
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:56, Reply)

probably not, no.
right arm, right leg and genitals are mostly intact so far. Fingers crossed.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:56, Reply)

and, as Q points out, my bumhole is probably OK.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:57, Reply)

well if you buy quentin a pint, you never know your luck...
.... or a half, apparently
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:58, Reply)

you deleted this and then reposted it
prick
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:58, Reply)

it was better as a reply to badger
but he hadn't made his comment when i first -

hang on. i don't need to explain myself to YOU, pigeon-fister.
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:00, Reply)

i saw a dove this morning
i wore it like a glove
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:00, Reply)

i'd smash it for a half of peroni

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:58, Reply)

bargain.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:59, Reply)

you kidding me? that shits £3 for a half, yo

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)

half an inch, he means

( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)

its all i've got

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:11, Reply)

Oh no
I lied about that right arm. Hit a slalom gate in Italy a few years and hyperextended my shoulder and elbow. I forgot they are drilled a metre into the snow.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:59, Reply)

dear god
you're a one-man A&E.

that just leaves right leg, bumhole and cock then. what kind of an injury could fuck all of them..... maybe steer clear of pogoing?
( rachelswipe if you logged out to read this, you're a twat, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)

Or one-legged daisy chaining.

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:09, Reply)

Serves him right for acting like a five year old, then.

(berk no mistakes no misbehaving, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

true.
Perhaps they should just each choose their top two "swordsmen", have them, in full kit, spitroast some vacuous fame-hungry scrubber in a seedy hotel, video it, sling it on youtube and see which one gets the most hits.

Long-winded but I feel effective.
( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)

This
Anyone old enough to remember Superstars?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Kevin Keegan's bike wipeout
is quite possibly the funniest thing EVER.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:41, Reply)

Exacurley

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 25 May 2012, 11:57, Reply)

second funniest
behind the clip of Anthea Turner being set on fire
(Bonzodog29 watched the sky turn hellfire red, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:20, Reply)

Or the Percy Thrower
'whoever did this must be mentally ill' Blue Peter garden vandalism monologue.
( Monty Boyce "Get the h*** out of my store", Fri 25 May 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Throw a dog into the mix as well and we've got a winner.

(PsychoChomp Nakkers, btw I'm probably calling you a cunt, Fri 25 May 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Whoever is the most handsome

( Two Hats 9/11 still freaks my nut out to this day, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:01, Reply)

I think they should come up with some means of opting out.
Like a board ignore. You choose to opt out and it doesn't appear on your telly, the news doesn't mention it and all those people that have trouble talking about anything other than the most pointless activity on the planet spontaneously combust.

That'd be just peachy, as I can't see any reason why the universe shouldn't revolve around me.
( Kroney Nyommy beaver anal glands nyomnyomnyom, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:03, Reply)

There's a woman in the park lying down with her knees up
She has a camel toe you could park a bike in
(Bill Paxton IT'S GAME OVER MAN!, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Tell my mum I said hi

( tangledupinblue is your clam in a jam?, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:09, Reply)

Moose Hoof

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:11, Reply)

Enduring image, isn't it? Mmmmm?

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:12, Reply)

Jumpers for goalposts

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:17, Reply)

cameltoes for goalposts?

( the mighty badger is a FANTASTICALLY gay horse, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:19, Reply)

apparently malc phoned tricky to describe an attractive woman he saw at the train station on his way to work this morning
i asked if he tricky was touching himself, and then malc phoned me to describe tracey

i touched myself
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:14, Reply)

well, I picked a good time to pop back in.

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:14, Reply)

to the park?

( The Light in Chains spank me like a disobedient avocado, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Screw you, beardy!

( b3th You're gonna need a bigger mod, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:18, Reply)

hahaha!

( sportscow The Kofi Annan of offtopic, Fri 25 May 2012, 12:22, Reply)