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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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my facebook has almost just redeemed itselfsomeone posted a photo of an orange girl with the caption.
'Ladies, there is a fine line between wearing make-up and looking like Crayola Gangbanged your face.'
When was the last time you or someone you know redeemed themselves?
alt. you can have one extra limb, what'll it be?
alt alt lunch?
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:21, 163 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Jimmy Carr, not being a dick about tax avoidance has tempered my MORAL OUTRAGE (, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:23, Reply)
HE'S ONLY SORRY HE GOT FOUND OUT !!!!!!!I making my living from incisive biting satire, however in the case of my personal tax affairs it's not my fault because the man told me to do it
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:25,
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^thisI know he's just a scapegoat but I hope momentum is carried on to change the law.
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girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:33,
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i heard they were all running away to jersey just to get away from you(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:36, Reply)
The general anti avoidance law may help.I think also banning advertising finacial services that say they lower tax burden or some shit.
Closing this one loophole is a start but it'll be replaced by another.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Oh god, I'm such a fucking twat.Everyone has gone out for lunch and I thought they were just getting lunch and coming back, so I thought I'd stay as I got packed lunch but I bet you they go eat it in the park or something so I could have went with them and been all social and HUZZAH.
Tell you what though, I make a fucking nice stir fry.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:27,
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They're implying they don't like you,and that you have crappy table manners.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:29, Reply)
I went to the market and got a steak burrito with guacamoleWent into the canteen to get a plate and guess what they were doing? Burritos. The cunts.
Still, if I hadn't gone to the market I wouldn't have a black pudding scotch egg for my dinner.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:35,
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Black Pud Scotch eggs are ace.I had some for a Crimbo dinner starter, with onion chutney. Noms.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:39, Reply)
The stall also does chorizo ones or chicken leek and tarragon. I might go back tomorrow.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:50,
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I redeemed my rose drinkning witha 5km run just now,but it's so hot amd humid in the changing room that you can't get dry and continue sweating even afer a shower.
alt: I'd have an extra arm, so I could strangle bobby and punch him in the ear at the same time
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:36,
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fuckin sainsburies pricksI've got £68 quids worth, no idea how to spend them
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:39,
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it keeps telling me it doesn't have enough information to verify meyou should fix that
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:46, Reply)
My wife, every time she buys me beer without me asking.unexpected beers FTW!
alt: is a penis a limb? Think of the lols. Or horrified screams!
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:38, Reply)
i was massively in love with a bloke that didn't even know i was alive Haven't spoke in 5 yrs
He totally sent me a friend request
Trying not to make a big deal of it
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:44,
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Aw hon!You have all your life ahead of you. There'll be others.
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girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:47,
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im not hung upIt just shocked me, it's hard to explain
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:52,
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Yeah! it was a bit of a shock when an old flame contacted me a few years ago on FB.I wasn't in love with him though.
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girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:56,
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you reckon he's knocked out a quick one over your holiday snaps yet?(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:47, Reply)
doesn't mean he hasn'the could still see some of your photos and fwonking himself twateyed over them as we speak
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:53, Reply)
it's doubtful although i look a lot better than i did before (
Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:55,
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i mean yeah He's obvs wanking over my photos, since the breast augmentation I'm considering becoming a playboy model
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:02,
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im sorry my beauty saddens you It should make you happy to know that if you have enough money you can make yourself beautiful too
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:07,
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You should ask him over for some pudding(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:47,
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I have a cheese and salami panini as it was the only thing leftthe meat tastes like donkey dick :(
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:49,
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I knew there was something missing from this threadI have a yoghurt for pudding
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:50,
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his was more about his colleagues than his food, stop trying to drop him in it(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:54, Reply)
But if I squeeze too hard "something" might come out of him(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 13:57,
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What does donkey dick taste like?I'm not experienced in eating it
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:02,
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Our loss is /board's gain(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:23,
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It looks as though you've already made some friends.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:30,
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Altalt: fillet steak served blue and a salad. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:26,
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I may be a vegetarian but I'm sure that when your meats blue, that's not a good sign.(
girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:27,
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It is if thats how you've ordered it, which is what I did. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:30,
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I'm tempted to try this with steak this weekendwww.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2012/mar/21/diy-sous-vide-cooking-bag-perfect-steak
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:32, Reply)
I cook shoulder of lamb sous vide and then finish it on a griddle. Delicious. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:33,
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There are two fairly stupid statements in that DIY sous-vide planI'll leave it up to you to decide what they are.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:44,
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I'm in a presentation and I forgot to breathe for a while. o_O(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:35,
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we're all totally gonna kick your head in when it kicks offjust you wait and see, your on your own now pal
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:37, Reply)
I'm afraid in the great b3tan standoff of 2012. The Quentin Wars. I must stand with battered for the greater good.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:39, Reply)
I got your back Q ignore the short one and the fat one(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:40,
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You would have me leave my daughter without a father?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:38,
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I'd rather french kiss a hot turkish urinal than put anything that you have touched in my mouth. Bleurgh.Besides black babies taste the best.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:42, Reply)
FFS, I keep dipping my paint brush in my squash and not my water!What a tard.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:51, Reply)
I'm doing some painting and I keep mixing up my drinking squash and my paint water. The other morning I woke up and was really thirsty so downed my drink from the night before... it was paint water.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:55, Reply)
Oh yeah, it's not about in the states much. Cordial. You add a little bit to water for flavour.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:59, Reply)
No, it's mainly fruit based, like orange, pineapple, apple etc. It's nice. When I was in Chicago the only place you could get it was one store and it cost $7. Which is like 3 times it's value here.
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:03, Reply)
He can hardly make it out the front door k(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:12,
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lard tard more likeI hope you don't get lead poisoning
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:10,
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No it doesn't those who don't fight will be turned upon by the victors and killed(
Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:01,
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Not if there's more than 4Anyway you'll be first to die when the dust settles and you won't get a honourable death on the battlefield either!
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:27,
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Battered for meSorry Q but I've met the guy. Bros before hos.
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Kroney, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:01,
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how has nobody asked if the orange girl was your girlfriend yet?alt: i don't want an extra limb. can i have a spare heart or something, just in case?
alt alt: took my secretary to "el vino" for some artery-furring. hence why i need the second heart.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:57,
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my gf doesn't facebook, and she's not orange, she's more a dirty jew/french off-whitealt you're not a timelord LOL!
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 14:59, Reply)
I'm about ready to keel overhelp me. tell me some hot board gossip or something.
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Kroney, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:00,
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I WISH I COULD TRADE MY HEART IN FOR ANOTHER LIVER SO I CAN DRINK MORE AND CARE LESS(
Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:04,
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i'd a billion times rather a guy with a small/average cock who really knows how to use itthan a guy with a big cock who doesn't have a clue
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:08,
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Mine's so small that when somebody asks me "is it in yet?"I reply "Is what in?"
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Kroney, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:08,
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at least you know it's meant to go inthat puts you one step ahead of some people
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:09,
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too big is not gooduntrimmed pubes are not good
poor hygiene is not good
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:10,
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i once had a guy that was above average, stick it in, then continued to try to shove it inI'm like dude, you can't crawl in there
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Lisette von Falcon, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:13,
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urgggghi once had a guy whose idea of fingering was so fucking painful that he made everything seize up in self-defence. proper virgin school-boy technique. in agony i suggested that we move to shagging, but he then couldn't get it in AT ALL. instead of realising what he had done wrong, he demanded a blowie instead.
shudder.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:15,
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yeah, i was drunkand polite
but when he repeated all the offences the next morning and declined several offers of a shower, i knew it was time to pick up my lapsed faith and go to confession.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:18,
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See this is why life isn't fairI'm a chef in the Kitchen, I bring home a decent wage, I've never been violent, I've never shit the bed, I'm clean, I trim my pubes just like it says in cosmo, I exercise regularly and am in good shape. But some shit in bed fingerbanger gets a blowie and I don't!
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:24,
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My ex a had a shirt that said "Ok,but wash it first" on itShe was ace.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:33,
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this was not the bedshitter, this was a much bigger mistake!(
rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:30,
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No, but its another example of how shit people get all the luck(
Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:31,
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to be fair, this dude has to wake up every morning to the shit mediocrity of himselfi consider that enough punishment really
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:37,
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i bet before you he was with some girl who taught him to do it like thatand she fucken loved it, he's a retard for thinking it would work for every girl
but your a retard for not just showing him how to do it proper
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:38, Reply)
Yeh, My first sexual partner was a bit crazy in bed and liked all-sorts of weird stuffI've since discovered that not all women like you to fuck them up the arse in Top Shop changing rooms and cum on their face.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:41,
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Yeh but what about a guy with a big one who does know how to use itAdmit it, that would be better
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:11,
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dependshow the girl is built. what i think is too big might not touch the sides on someone else!
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:14,
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Yeh but I reckon women who says size doesn't matter are lying(
Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:15,
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within reason, noit doesn't make much difference unless it's ridiculous either way. i mean, nobody wants to be split in half, but nobody wants to be fingered by a thumb either
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:16,
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i was at uni with a guy whose surname was fudgehe was horrific. but he really fancied my friend. we used to annoy her by singing "a finger of fudge is just enough to give vicki a treat".
ha.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:20,
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this would be hilarious if i knew vickimy gf's haridresser is called vicky, i doubt its the same one
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:21, Reply)
what if its a big guy, he knows how to use it and he's got loadsa money?i'm asking on pj's behalf, here
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:15, Reply)
What if its me, Above average but not massive, forgotten how to use it and not a penny in my wallet.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:16,
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shut up, yoif it falls through with ol' frigid knickers swipe and swizz will be gagging for some
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:18, Reply)
i read that as "ol' frigid knickers swipe" at firstnever been accused of that before
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rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:19,
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Yeh, I may be married but I can still fuck other peopleI just can't get caught
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:38,
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I always thought a cock in the hand was worth two in the bush(
Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:42,
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Awwww fuck, I liked you as well and now I have to kill you.Ain't war hell!
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:32,
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I might get a sympathy blowie out of it tooI'll still be broke though.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:21,
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they don't know that, keep it on the down-lowi'll loan you my helicopter
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:23, Reply)
Awesome I'll take my mates kid up in it and crash itcolinmcraelolz.
I voted for you Q, I'll defend you like the crazy oirish fucker in Braveheart.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:26,
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i liked him in Ransom when he says'GIVE ME BACK MY SUN' and then the clouds open and its a beautiful day for everyone
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:27, Reply)
The crazy oirish fucker isn't in RansomThe crazy Racist fucker is though
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:30,
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oh you mean the guy who thinks Ireland is on his side?he'd make a good shrek character
(, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:31, Reply)
Yeh him, I'm him and you can be wallace and i'll save your life and stuff(
Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:32,
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Seriously thoughThere was only one crazy Irish guy it in, Brendon Gleeson played Hamish who was ever so slightly Scottish despite Brendon himself being a filthy bog trotter. I am of course talking about David O'Hara who oddly enough is from Scotland
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:48,
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I don't want an extra limb3 arms or 3 legs would look stupid
Lunch, I had Beef bourguignon with crusty bread and it was fucking gorgeous thanks.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:36,
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I've never seen a one armed man and thought he looked stupid so why would it be any different if you had three?(
girlinthehole, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:39,
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Where would it grow fromSomething missing never looks as odd as something added. Imagine a man with no nose and then a man with two.
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Peej, Thu 21 Jun 2012, 15:42,
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