morning
Alt: 🎅🌲❄❄🎄
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 8:10, 130 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

Christmas Eve! I'm so excited I could puke rainbows!
I'm going to go back to bed RIGHT NOW so that Father Chrimblepops gives me my presents faster!!!

Also, in case Ken Oath is knocking around, I do also like MGBs, though I'm nor such a fan of the other stuff.
( Kroney, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 8:17, Reply)

Ken Oath's a decent sort.
Merry Christmas to our antipodean friends!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 8:19, Reply)

I could do with going shopping again.
Not sure I can face it though.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 8:41, Reply)

I've gone to work
The kids this morning were a tad confused "But it's Christmas eve daddy?" I'm bunking off at 11.30 though.
( Peej, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 8:56, Reply)

My son is singing (to the tune of 'Thriller')
It's christmaaaaas....christmas eve
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)

Your son sounds like a bit of an annoying twat.
No offence, like.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:38, Reply)

ok
to be fair, what 8 year old isn't
( Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:40, Reply)

Ugh, I'm dying, someone send me a McDonalds breakfast and some lucozade please

( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:48, Reply)

McPisshead ^

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:51, Reply)

It was a session and a half Jeff and I don't even have the day off today :(
Wasn't a planned session and those always seem to turn out the best (at the time that is)
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:52, Reply)

^ Problem drinker.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:54, Reply)

I have no problem drinking!
It goes in my mouth every time
( Ms Shenanigans put something interesting here later, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:06, Reply)

You should try being a functioning adult next time eh

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:55, Reply)

adulthood sounds rubbish in your world

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:59, Reply)

it's awful when I wake up and smell winning every day I must agree

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:01, Reply)

inning every day I must agr
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:03, Reply)

i imagine prostates must be the problem at your age m8

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:05, Reply)

No-one asks questions any more
:'(
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:50, Reply)

Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:51, Reply)

But then I'd only be wearing one stocking
and I don't cater to that specific a clientele
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:56, Reply)

HERES ONE MARTI HOW DID YOUR MISSUS CHUCK YOU AND WAS SHE FUCKING HER NEW FELLA BEFORE THE CHUCKING

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:56, Reply)

they're always fucking the new bloke first even when they swear blind that he wasn't the reason

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:57, Reply)

I suppose I was after the number of blokes she fucked before she dumped his ass. I mean as appealing as a manchild stuck to the bed with the bloobloos and a record high nintendo ds score must have been I guess she must have been after a real man.

(Mr Udagawa, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:00, Reply)

what are your favourite baubles? do you like mulled wine? Christmas cake y/n? Cream or brandy butter? When do you open your presents? Cheese before or after pudding? Oysters nyom/blerch?
Better?
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 9:56, Reply)

Hehehehe
Baubles
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:10, Reply)

THE ANSWERS
Dunno
Of course
God no
BOTH
First thing in the morning
Always cheese. Always
Vegetarian

God that was good *lights cigarette*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:12, Reply)

I disagree with almost all your answers. We can never be wed.

(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:17, Reply)

I'm flexible
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:19, Reply)

Well this work thing seems to be a shocking waste of time.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:20, Reply)

Quite so. I'm hungry but the cafe is shut.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:22, Reply)

Bastards. Is it Turks or Cypriots that run it?
Bacon sandwich, chef?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:23, Reply)

Dirty Turks. Gonna be a fry up for lunch I reckon. Found some Pringles though.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:26, Reply)

I AM SO BORED!!!
Loads of horrible shitcunt kids in the office too.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:45, Reply)

Sack someone.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:00, Reply)

If I sack myself I can go home!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:04, Reply)

Do it.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:08, Reply)

alright
🎅👸⛄🎄🌲
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:46, Reply)

bah humbug

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 10:52, Reply)

Semen Patel

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:09, Reply)

Good morning, Msr. El Dozo
I am happy today as I am about to buy another hangover imminently. Are you happy today?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:20, Reply)

What did the snowman say to the carrot?
Get out of my face!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:21, Reply)

Advent calenders are no longer being made...
...their days are numbered!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:22, Reply)

Why was meatsnake poster at work on Xmas eve?
Because he's a stupid cunt!!!
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:24, Reply)

I am supposed to be here for another hour.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:35, Reply)

I'm not even supposed to BE here today!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:36, Reply)

i am supposed to be here until 2 but i can't see that happening

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:36, Reply)

2? Right ho!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:38, Reply)

I didn't have to come in until 10 though

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:39, Reply)

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, "Get me a Guinness before it starts."

The wife sighs and gets him a Guinness. Fifteen minutes later, he says, "Get me another before it starts." She looks cross, but fetches another Guinness and slams it down next to him.

He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, "Quick, get me another, it's going to start any minute." The wife is furious. She yells at him "Is that all you're going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You're nothing but a diabolical, desperate, mangled midden, and furthermore ..."

The man sighs and says, "It's started ..."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 11:23, Reply)

Is it Christmas yet?

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:13, Reply)

15 mins to go.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:16, Reply)

my plan to go early has be ruined by the alarm cunt turning up to do the inspection and service in our premises.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:18, Reply)

Tell him to fuck off and come back in the new year.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:21, Reply)

he's dragging it out, what a cunt. i hope he has a car crash on his way home.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:48, Reply)

Merry Christmas you ghastly cunts

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:23, Reply)

And to you.
How is the hol going?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:24, Reply)

I'm back now, oop north for Christmas
Holiday was amazing gracias. You'd have liked the diving.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:26, Reply)

+ muff

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:32, Reply)

What's your phd in, the bleeding obvious?!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:35, Reply)

get fucked ginge

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:45, Reply)

I'm having a lovely glass of malbec in a nice pub.
Hurrah for working on Christmas eve!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:34, Reply)

+on my own

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:42, Reply)

nah mate, there's a dozen of us.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:45, Reply)

yeah course there is, I bet they're all laughing at your jokes and getting ready to carry you above their heads, parading you around chanting "Tim is the best"
Either that or you're sitting in the pub on your own staring at your phone. Again.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:57, Reply)

merry Christmas you fucking wanker.
And merry Christmas to the rest of you lovely folk too. Hope it's a super couple of days.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 24 Dec 2014, 12:35, Reply)

Nice fry up for breakfast
and Pizza with the CEO for lunch. But Dominoes so that's a letdown.

Just been told we can go at 2. \o/
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 13:29, Reply)

AT LAST!
home with a nice glass of pauillac

Merry Christmas!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:17, Reply)

Happy Christmas Mr Stunned.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:21, Reply)

and to you Jeffers.
What's your plan for today?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:33, Reply)

Hooray finished too. Celebrating in burger king!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:35, Reply)

mushroom double swiss

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

XL BACON CHEESEBURGER
I must have consumed about 2000 calories. Looking forward to relaxing on the train for an hour now.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:53, Reply)

I'm off to the pub in 20 minutes.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:37, Reply)

good lad

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 14:51, Reply)

\o #pubfives

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 15:00, Reply)

I'm not in the pub yet.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 24 Dec 2014, 15:08, Reply)

alright festive FRIENDS!
M'on ma train hame, ken like?

🎅
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 15:06, Reply)

going back to an independent jock land
wait, the other one.

liddlebidopoliticstherelaysungennelmun.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 15:14, Reply)

might get out of bed soon
Five hours until obscene pig-out o'clock
(old man river possible lesbian, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 15:20, Reply)

^that's a holiday.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 24 Dec 2014, 15:29, Reply)