So yesterday I was watching Jeremy Kyle take on dodgy cosmetic surgery/treatment/whatever centres.
I swear man, I donno how they find such thick people. Some steriotypical [gay/birmingham(orwhatev)] bloke injects himself with some stuff that makes his skin go darker..... and he's like

"I get stomach aches and blah blah syptons - I don't care, being white is borring. I don't really know what it's doing, I odn't care, but it makes my skin darker".

It's good telly viewing, lets me get on my high horse. that probs says more about me. I read the Daily Mail facebook sometimes for the same reason.

lt: What's for lunch? I'm having a toasted baeigle.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:25, 119 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

I might get a burger from Chomp.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:28, Reply)

Is this a sideline to the homebrewing?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:32, Reply)

I thought Pizza was more his speciality.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:35, Reply)

Hook us up the menu, let The Internet decide what burger you get.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:35, Reply)

I'd have the Bloody Veggie washed down with a couple of bottles of Table Beer
www.chompgrill.co.uk/new-page/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:42, Reply)

Classic with stilton and onion rings.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:49, Reply)

Why don't menus use £ anymore. It pisses me off much more than it has any right to.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:22, Reply)

Internet pedentry is the way forward for masturbatory self-righteousness.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:28, Reply)

I see what you did there

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:30, Reply)

Maybe if you had tried harder at school
you could have got a proper job.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:28, Reply)

wait, what? it was on telly last night.
I got a proper job, I'm dead good at what I do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:34, Reply)

ignore him, he's a proper chode.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:35, Reply)

Innit, he's not doing himself any favours, I was indifferent before;
now he's made a Worst Enemy For Life EVer.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:41, Reply)

you should meet Spanishfly over on talk.
He's an arse and delusional about how awesome he is.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:52, Reply)

I think he's had a rough time of it.
Really he should come over here if he's looking for a bit of conversation.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:07, Reply)

don't say that
we've already inherited shambles ffs
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:26, Reply)

people like looking down on other people
it makes them feel better about themselves
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:29, Reply)

tru' tru'

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:34, Reply)

I dunno gonzo,
Some people have real problems.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:30, Reply)

Yah' man, sucks for them.
Dont' get me wrong, I got problems too, I have to wait until my next paycheque before I buy any more gizmos =(
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:35, Reply)

yours are the ultimate 1st world problems.
Except for your bum stuff, that's proper problems.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:36, Reply)

Yah', that's quite shitty, [excuse the pun], the anxiety thing is also a bit of a bitch.
But I look at the bright side, i've pretty much got an excuse to get out of absolutly anything I CBA to do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:38, Reply)

ha, gotta be a bright side yeah.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

Deffo, plus I got some proper strong Opiates, and since I started the Methadone (really small quantity), I'm not getting come-downs on a daily basis.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:40, Reply)

hook us up with some skag, yeah?

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:42, Reply)

I still haven't found anyone who will tell me how to get in to the medical supplies here. but I will

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:45, Reply)

With a crowbar.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:46, Reply)

/witherspoon lols

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:46, Reply)

Hah
I wouldn't go down the 'dark net' route. About 8 years ago I saw a documentary on illegal phamacutical makers, mostly based in India, and they used things like old cement mixers. The show was about how that stuff ends up in the UK legit supply chain. Plus stories like those Superman Pills a few months ago.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:47, Reply)

I just want a canister or 2 of gas and air and a bag of decent morphine.
I'm sure the hospital won't miss it really.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:51, Reply)

Maybe we're thinking wrong; maybe we should think Dentists?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:58, Reply)

if I worked in a hospital I would spend at least 80% of my shift piped in to the gas and air

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:58, Reply)

I don't see why we can't all do this regardless of where we work

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:08, Reply)

tangled for president!

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:22, Reply)

I am pretty sure that pharmaceutical morphine doesn't come in bags.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:18, Reply)

I can vouch for that

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:20, Reply)

Thats why i'd never touch it, I know i'd love it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:45, Reply)

nommywommyskaggywaggy

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:49, Reply)

"Yeah' bud, a dime bag.... skag.... cool cool..... you got any EMLA cream?"

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:57, Reply)

I was surprised to find out that Kyle goes for botox given he looks like someone has tried to sculpt a ballbag into a potato with a peeler.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:31, Reply)

Also, it's not good telly. He's a cretin. Who's doing an impersonation of Jeremy Vine, who is also a cretin.
I much preferred 'car crash britain' that was on later.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:35, Reply)

Oh, I didn't see that, what chanel was that on? I'll OnDemand it.
I fucking love a bit of Kyle twitter.com/mrddyer/status/372326582167158784
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:36, Reply)

It was on itv as well.
I was in the pub. it made a nice bit of slapstick to dip in and out of.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

Sweet, cheers, i'll check that out.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:40, Reply)

have you seen any of that 24 hours in police custody?
The 24 hours in A&E one is heartwarming and gives you a real sense of how hard the doctors work and us enjoyable. The police custody one just seems to make the everyday police on the job look like dull cretinous wankers.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:38, Reply)

I thought the same about Benefit's Street.
Granted, there's some proper fuckups there, but at the end of the day [hate that expresion], they've all got a really warm heart. Most of them would do anything for anyone on that street, except perhaps 'work'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

I had a job just around the corner from there a few years ago.
One of the local staff warned me 'I know that they're usually idle threats, but if someone threatens to shoot you, assume that they're being serious.'

It was a fun day.
( Muns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:10, Reply)

That's the trouble when you ain't got anythign to live for

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:19, Reply)

The camera never lies, eh

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

I saw something like that; there was one where they followed some coppers about and they just came across as twats.
I didn't think it did them any favours, I usually thing the rozzers and I are more or less on the same side.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:40, Reply)

I don't think I've ever watched Jeremy Kyle, so maybe I could look down on people who do that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

Very Meta.
Personally, I try and get enjoyment (or entertainment/whatever the word is) out of everything I can. I hate that I don't like Lording of the Rings, everyone I know who likes it; loves it. I'd love to get that excited by it. Ditto for curries.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:43, Reply)

Perhaps you can get some enjoyment out of these things by picking fault with them and sneering at those who like them
Works for Boyce
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:45, Reply)

But then I gotta watch them, and LoR is just tediously dull.
I honestly can't tell the difference between The Hobit and LoR.

- Starts of in some small fella's house
- Dwarfs show up and make a ruccous
- They walk through a forrest
- They walk through a field
- They meet some elvis
- They fuck up some Orks
- They go home
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:53, Reply)

Elvis would have improved that film a lot.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:55, Reply)

a-huh

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:57, Reply)

it would have been waaaaay better with Elvis

(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:56, Reply)

it's fantasy bollocks for IT virgins

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:58, Reply)

My version they just got the eagles to fly them in and ditch it. It would have been a 20 minute episode

( Peej, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:59, Reply)

In my version Sauron wouldn't have forged it or the lesser rings and Isildur would never have been tempted to keep it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:14, Reply)

^ 0 minutes.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:14, Reply)

In my version that pawned the rings and spent the money on a case of fosters, slightly disappointed at the low resale value.

( Muns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:23, Reply)

Boyce the World Authority.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:08, Reply)

horrid bullying of Jason, here

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:39, Reply)

I don't even do sunbeds tbh.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:41, Reply)

and then you get dark skinned people bleaching it so they're more accepted.
In the Elizabethan days a tan meant you were a poor labourer who worked outdoors.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:40, Reply)

These are Elizabethan days

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:43, Reply)

well haven't we grown?
we went from Elizabethan to Victorian to Elizabethan again?

ohh...
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:46, Reply)

Are you sure it wasn't an F you got?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:47, Reply)

Ungraded

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:49, Reply)

^GCSE history C

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:44, Reply)

D AKSHULLY :(

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:45, Reply)

^snob

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:51, Reply)

^oaf

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:53, Reply)

^boor

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:56, Reply)

Yup, deffo, speaking of how 'beuty' changes; did you see this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrp0zJZu0a4

I think the only ones that really had it wrong is herion-chique
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:44, Reply)

nah, I have no interest in women body types

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:47, Reply)

Cool, cool.
I'm not one of these people who lears at women, I got lots of mates who; whenever they see a hot girl they tell me what they want to do to them and all that.... and that's just Not Me. I like girls, don't get me wrong, but I just dont' have that animal-instinct.

I'd have thought you'd like that on the basis of the history and definition of beuty-standard.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:51, Reply)

he's a queer gonz

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:53, Reply)

Aye, but if it was fellas, i'd still be interested in that video.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:55, Reply)

Probably would only wank off the once though; instead of three times.
Just to prove a point.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:55, Reply)

Dont get me wrong, I appreciate the female form. I just don't seek it out.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:02, Reply)

fair 'nuff

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:18, Reply)

It wasn't particularly comprehensive or accurate and seemed skewed towards a fat ok/skinny bad agenda and few of the models actually fitted the body types they were supposed to represent..
But yeah, I managed to wank to it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:10, Reply)

I quite like Jezza Kyle.
I think he massively helps the people that appear on his show. He really helps them deal with their deep seated problems in such a way that they can identify the issues and move forward constructively to resolve the conflicts both within and in their close relationships.

It is in no way demeaning or exploitative and I think he deserves real kudos for that.

Also, the guests remind me of you lot.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:49, Reply)

He was a lot calmer when he was an agony aunt on BRMB.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:52, Reply)

Is he one of your lot then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:54, Reply)

Nah, just worked on the radio there I think.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:58, Reply)

I'd like to make him live on a sink estate in Lincoln for a year.
See how he likes it.

Smug cunt.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:54, Reply)

I like it when he gets repeat performers who have identical problems; it really shows that their 'Aftercare Team' do their best.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:54, Reply)

22 year old psychology grads playing with peoples lives.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:55, Reply)

don't you talk to my step dad like that.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 6 Feb 2015, 12:55, Reply)

From a producer of the show:
Guests are wound up like a coiled spring before the show. It is an integral part of preparations - a process, sanctioned by the show's editors, called "talking up". It starts hours before the recording of each show, with researchers and producers flitting from guest to guest, talking about the first few points they will say on air. Normally our advice would be stirring, along the lines of "go out there, stand right in his face and point at him so he listens!" Contributors are advised to shout five main points, written by the production team, to support the story of the show. They are encouraged to stand over their opponent, to make their points more effectively.

To make things even more heightened, guests are kept apart before the show. They have separate hotels, separate green rooms, and the production team take advantage of that distance, and the guest's nervous confusion - many had never been on a talk show before - by playing a machiavellian game of "he said, she said" to ensure that feelings run high. For instance, I might tell a guest about another: "You will never believe what he is planning to say about you!"

The coaching continues right up to the moment a guest walks on stage. My fellow producers and I would sit with the guests, whispering urgent instructions until the moment Kyle introduces them. This is the moment of confrontation - the "money shot". It is also the first time the guests see their hated enemy.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:01, Reply)

OMG Reality TV isn't real????
Say it's not so!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:06, Reply)

for realz!!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:08, Reply)

Bananaman was real, right?

( Muns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:11, Reply)

In the sense he was Eric Wimp, yes.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:15, Reply)

who knows, now?
All my illusions are shattered, I've been a fool.

Next he'll tell us that Eastenders ent a documentary......then the whole house of cards will come crashing down....WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!111!!1
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:15, Reply)

House of Cards ent a documentary, Lokesy.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:16, Reply)

Whaaaaaaaaattt???
*goes for a lie down*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:23, Reply)

Woh', doesn't suprise me yet does suprise me at the same time.
I would quite like to see a Dispatchers type show based on JK
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:17, Reply)

Yeh but at the end ov da day.

( Peej, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:05, Reply)

They are all CHVs.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:06, Reply)

FAO Richard McBeef:
acerecords.co.uk/ciao-bella-italian-girl-singers-of-the-60s
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:17, Reply)

Ooh also:
acerecords.co.uk/sensationnel-ye-ye-bonbons-1965-1968-1
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:18, Reply)

not clicking that prolly a virus soz
But if it has "non e facile" by Rita Pavone then you should prolly knock out a quick wank to that one
(old man river possible lesbian, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:19, Reply)

These forrin 60s birds don't half make my winky feel all fizzy

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:26, Reply)

Food update.
Never got a burger from Chomp.

Went to Steak Of The Art instead.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:32, Reply)

double up on the rib eye and we have a deal.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 6 Feb 2015, 13:48, Reply)