Good morning! IT'S A KRONEY THREAD *air horns* *wild cheering*
Right then, you pricks, how's fucking life on a fucking Monday morning, then?

I am cock-a-fucking-hoop. I reduced the woman to near tears with my cooking on Saturday. She promised it was because I'm so amazingly good but then she spent most of the rest of the evening in the loo. I'm guessing a near religious gastronomic experience like that requires you to take a couple of hours out for contemplation. I weren't bothered; I played a ton of Elite in my pants. Rocking. What did you ugly cunts do for your smelly whale lovers?

Alt: I've found a fucking house. Not made an offer, much less had it accepted but we're doing all that shit this morning. I really hope it all goes through successfully because the house is fucking lovely. I'll be gutted if it falls through. Would you all like to wish misery upon me?
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:47, 155 replies, latest was 9 years ago)

best of luck pal, just remember to go in with a cheeky offer

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:48, Reply)

Baggers, you toddler-bothering fucking deviant. How's things?

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:49, Reply)

fine as well as dandy, what what?

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:50, Reply)

and get the mortgage drawn up as tenants in common, not joint tenants

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:49, Reply)

Dunno what the diff is, mate. I'll let the Doris handle all that, she's the clever one.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:50, Reply)

joint tenants means if one of you dies then the survivor automatically gets the whole gaff
In common means that the deceased's share becomes part of their estate and is disposed of according to their will.
(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 7:52, Reply)

Depends who's putting more money in, doesn't it?
If you are, hell yes, tenants in common. If they are, or if it's the same contribution, joint tenants is fine/better for you.

Because you don't have to die for the relationship to end and the house to be sold. And in my job you see one fuck of a lot of bitter people going for every penny they can.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:10, Reply)

no
Unmarried couples may wish for their share of the equity to be kept in the family, especially if the deposit was funded from a legacy.

There are IHT considerations as well, there's no IHT between spouses but there is where couples aren't married.

Depends if the equity exceeds 325k though.
(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:13, Reply)

I'm married with two kids, do I get to die soon? I don't really care about the house, I'm just after a bit or peace and quiet.

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:15, Reply)

Hopefully.

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:17, Reply)

FASCINATING PROPERTY BANTER

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:16, Reply)

I HAVE A HOUSE WITH A MORTGAGE!

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:17, Reply)

AND NO KITCHEN!

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:17, Reply)

COINCIDENCE! I HAVE A HOUSE WITH A KITCHEN AND NO MORTGAGE!

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:18, Reply)

If your kitchen is as piss ugly as your garden, you might want to take some tips from peej here

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:20, Reply)

My washing machine is silver and my fridge is a stainless smeg thing
Do not EVER take kitchen tips from me
( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:21, Reply)

does your dishwasher spell out the remaining time on the floor in LASERS?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:28, Reply)

I am my dishwasher

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:33, Reply)

do you have a laser pointer?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:35, Reply)

No, I'm afraid not

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:37, Reply)

I get a new kitchen in 10 days!

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:20, Reply)

I got a German one
It cost faasands and faasands of pounds but the drawers are massive.

[your mum joke here]
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:27, Reply)

poor psychochomp :'(

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:17, Reply)

You know where talk is
Feel free to fuck off back there and stay there
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:19, Reply)

I did kind of invite the topic.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:32, Reply)

you terrible shit

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:43, Reply)

Basically it depends on where you want your part of the money to go
Like I said, remember you're not just talking about the death of one partner here. If you're putting in more, you need to be careful. I had one client who had put down 95% of the deposit and paid every penny of the mortgage for 8 years. When she found her wastrel fiancé perving over her kid/his stepdaughter, she kicked him out. He went for half the house on the basis he had contributed to the deposit and it was joint tenants. She was beyond devastated.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:18, Reply)

so that's why sportscow was 'really busy'

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:20, Reply)

This^
My Brother in law sold his Porsche 911 to put the deposit down on a place with his fiance. Just after moving in day he found out she was fucking most of his FRIENDS. The bank won't give him a mortgage in his own name even though he has been paying the lot by himself for years now and it got very nasty because they are 50/50 on the Mortgage despite her living there for about a week and not paying a penny towards it. Its sorted now but it was a pain. She wanted to just sign her interest over but she was told she had to get legal advice, which she couldn't afford. So my Bro in law ended up paying for her solicitor as well as his own and her solicitor told her not to do it and to fight for half. Luckily Bro in Law stopped paying her solicitor, she couldn't afford him and in the end signed the paperwork, but years of stress and worries.
( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:32, Reply)

Yep
It's horribly unromantic but much better to sort these things before you commit your cash. Hopefully you'll never need to worry about it, but if it does go all Pete, you'll be sorry if you don't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:38, Reply)

so, tenants in common then.

(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:41, Reply)

Sigh
Unless your partner is stumping up all the cash. Then keep your mouth shut and go for 50/50 when it goes pear shaped.

Weren't you listening?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:46, Reply)

Probably shouldn't have proposed to a slag.
That's my advice; don't marry a whore.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:40, Reply)

you're like Clare Rayner or summat

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:41, Reply)

I like IHT in my T

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:45, Reply)

ripped out my kitchen and drank a fuckton of gin
Alt. No, I wish you the very best.
( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:13, Reply)

Bit gay, dude.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:15, Reply)

What can I say? I never even thought that way until I met you.

( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:16, Reply)

I'm driving to the Lakes while two kids watch Disney films in the back and argue about which is the best princess.
But first I'm going to kill the next twit who pronounced latte as laah-tay.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:16, Reply)

also as well too ... I hope you find a lovely home and have a smashing life in it

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:17, Reply)

You queers disgust me.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:31, Reply)

Went the Lake District at the weekend
weather was much better than forecast so was lovely.

Now stuck on a train to a conference without so much as a can to make the experience bearable :-(
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:21, Reply)

I am on a train.
East Yorkshire is fucking horrible.
(Good evening Good evening, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:22, Reply)

Love the Lake District
If earning a living were no object, I'd move to there or Dartmoor in a heartbeat. I'd spend my days walking the hills with the horizontal rain soaking my dress whilst I wailed about my Heathcliff :'(
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:32, Reply)

I'll be there in a few hours
I'll keep the window open
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:42, Reply)

*something about replacing Kate Bush lyrics with references to bum bags and pizza ovens*

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:45, Reply)

I'm going hiking so there will definitely be bumbag action.

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:48, Reply)

ai ai! bumbagshka bumbagshka bumbagshka ya ya!

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:49, Reply)

Ah could you pop round my gaff and see the missus right for me please

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:47, Reply)

no probs ... arse or gob?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:56, Reply)

For gods sake man do you have no idea of etiquette
Arse first then gob... the traditional way
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:09, Reply)

Whereabouts? I love the lakes
Stayed here once which was lovely:

www.armathwaite-hall.com
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:39, Reply)

just round Windermere and that
plus an amusing detour into the Lakeland shop, you have never seen so much expensive stuff designed fir one- off situations in cooking.

I especially liked the bbq thermometer that linked to your iPhone...
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:12, Reply)

KRA-HO-NNNNEEEEEYYYYY!!!!
Y'see the main problem with Monday mornings is that they usually mean the start of the working week and, as previously discussed, this whole 'working for a living' thing is nowhere near as much fun as other stuff, like sitting round in your pants getting drunk and that.

Alt: Babies next.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:49, Reply)

Well I'm on the early shift. I start at 7, but don't properly wake up until about 9
then it's lunch at 12 and home at 4. It's basically a half day.

It'd have to be marriage first, I ain't rearing no bastards. Even so, I'm going to have to fuck up seriously to have to play the marriage card to make things better.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 8:52, Reply)

You've been gone so long, I thought you'd gone forever.
How's the new job going big K?

I did dinner for the lady, it was a roaring success and I even managed to include mushy peas (crushed minted peas).
Then watched a shit film.

Alt. Buy my house, then let me live in it for free.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:00, Reply)

Oxford's a bit far for the commute, mate. Though I would like to live there for a bit one day.
Job's going pretty well, it's just busy. I don't get much time to doss about anymore.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:13, Reply)

I am still struggling to rouse myself into any real action this monday...
Valentines day was alright, I covered the house in thousands of cheap plastic rose petals. There was a trail of them leading upstairs to the bedroom, where I lay in wait naked, but for more plastic rose petals...who said romance was dead eh? haha. then we went to leicester square for food and comedy.

alt: no, not really
( Glovington, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:31, Reply)

You'll never forgive yourself if you miss out on it.
You need to nail the fucker: go in 50K over the asking and throw in a go with your missus. You can't mess around in the current market.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:36, Reply)

Offer's gone in
Erk
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:39, Reply)

good luck bro

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:41, Reply)

I for one hope that no one comes in with a better offer and you are strung along by a shiny suited prick of an estate agent trying to grease a few extra quid out of you

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:52, Reply)

It's been on the market for two months with six viewings and no offers.
I hope that means we'll be alright on that front.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:02, Reply)

or it means that everybody else has spotted that it's built on an old Indian burial ground

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:03, Reply)

Or what happened with us
In that no one had put an offer in on the place and as soon as we did about 3 other cunts decided that they were in.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:04, Reply)

we dropped lucky with ours cos an earlier buyer got most of the way through but wanted to turn part of the house into a private doctors practice and didn't get whatever permission
so by the time it went back on the market the owners had ripped literally everything out of it down to the light fittings

But the estate agent was a lazy prick and never updated the photos
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:19, Reply)

It backs onto a college full of Yankees on a placement period.
That'll be it. Nobody wants pissed septics charging through your garden because they've had the first skinful of decent beer in their entire lives.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:19, Reply)

Whats that overpowering smell of cheap aftershave and too much hair gel
Ah its your friendly Estate Agent, he definitely doesn't want to fleece you
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:04, Reply)

if I ever want to buy another house I'm using that sturdy woman off the telly
she looks like she can afford decent scents and hair products.
And prolly does it up the Gary.
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:11, Reply)

I have no idea how that Phil Spencer isn't a bender.
Everything about him screams it except the small matter of a family.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:20, Reply)

he wouldn't be the first bender in history to hide his bent behind a family

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:24, Reply)

He even flirts like a bender.
Looks at all the innuendo he directs at the chubby troll he works with. Blates girlfriend ego-boosting stuff.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:26, Reply)

if it all goes pear shaped you can console yourself with the fact that "gazump" is an amusing word

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:01, Reply)

I'll take it on the chin.
it's the mrs I'm worried about, she's proper fallen in love with the place.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:21, Reply)

see ... that's a good thing ... you should always buy something you fall in love with
if you're buying for some crass investment reasons then you've basically lost at life
(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

You're an old romantic really, Shambles.
But I agree, the reason it took us so long is because we couldn't find somewhere that gave us the horn, basically.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:27, Reply)

prezackly ... it's all about buying a home, innit

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:35, Reply)

How can you possibly 'fall in love' with an ex-council semi on an industrial estate?
Masochism?
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:41, Reply)

why would a council build houses on an industrial estate?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:47, Reply)

I have absolutely no idea.
No idea at all.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:51, Reply)

what are you barking on about then?

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:54, Reply)

First house we liked we put in an offer of 20k below asking
They refused but we really liked the place so we offered 10k below asking. They refused again, we decided we really liked it so we put in the asking price. They responded that they thought the house was worth more than the asking price and they were hoping to get offers over the asking price (fucking idiots) they said they were insulted at the offers and took it off the market. It came back on a year later for 50k less than the year before. some structural issue I believe.

Lucky escape.
( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:50, Reply)

The last place we liked, we put an offer in only to be told that there was another offer.
The vendor had put it back on the market with the attention of securing a second offer in order to bully the first offerer into getting his finger out. We were told we'd know by 5th Jan. We didn't, so I called to learn the deadline had been extended. Heard nothing since.

Fucking pricks. I hate being used.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:52, Reply)

I was speaking to someone at the weekend who put a house on the market merely to value it (they thought the valuation was too low).
They had first time buyers eagerly put in offers but with no intention of selling it to them.

Arseholes.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:45, Reply)

Fucking wankers.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:53, Reply)

My mates mum used to do stuff like this.
She kicked off at my mate for doing a big smelly dump when the bloke was inspecting it.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:56, Reply)

10% below asking price is usually about right as an opening offer
but you definitely get dickheads or people who've been lied to by their estate agents who are totally unrealistic. when i bought my flat, the one i really wanted was near gloucester road, with a key to one of those amazing secret square gardens, like in "notting hill". it was just at the top of my budget, and i KNEW it was way cheap, so banged in an asking price offer.

yeah... the next day she got foxtons round, who valued it at £500,000 more. funnily enough, she rejected my offer. and in the end she got £480k more, so the first one was a total fuckwit muppet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:54, Reply)

Usually at least 10% over here.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:37, Reply)

Poor Monty.
www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/health/skunk-smokers-secretly-want-something-weaker-2015021695390
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 9:52, Reply)

Rare venison in a thyme and juniper rub, with shallots, blueberries and greens in red wine, followed by sticky toffee pudding
since nobody asked.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:24, Reply)

re w

She'll love the weight loss programme you've put her on too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

It was a little blue, but all the better for it.

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:31, Reply)

Morning
Garage is almost cleared in time for building works to start, so pleased about that. Binned a load of shit off, ate some nice steak, cooked some lamb, jobs a good 'un. Bish bash bosh
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:24, Reply)

You're not one of those pricks that converts garages and lofts into extra rooms, are you?

( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:25, Reply)

Nah, there's a "utility room" at the back of the garage
which is actually more like a concrete bomb shelter. The garage roof needs to be replaced and 'ting too and they are using that way in to do the extension along the back of the house
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:26, Reply)

I'm glad. Seeing those shitty conversions annoys me.
Chances are you've got the land to do a proper extension if you've got a garage. Let the garage be a fucking garage.
( Kroney, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:29, Reply)

Bonus part of ripping out a kitchen that doesn't need replacing!
I get to get rid of those fucking horrible tiles!
( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:36, Reply)

we kept one of the tiles we ripped out of a bathroom in the last house as a memento to the astonishingly bad taste of the 1960s

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:45, Reply)

Our tiles were put up in 2008
Still fucking horrible
( Peej, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:48, Reply)

I bet that spruces up the wife's mantelpiece.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:48, Reply)

they're about six inches square - that's a pretty hefty vajazzle

(old man river possible lesbian, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 11:01, Reply)

Only in Jockland.
www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/three-women-arrested-after-man-5169837
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:47, Reply)

Poor old Michael Bolton
He's fallen a long, long way.
(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:53, Reply)

A man is outside having a mental 'episode'
He is shouting "RATS! RAAAAATS PISS ON THE FLOOR! RRRRRRAAATS PISS! RAAAATS PISS ON THE FLOOR! HINDU, SIKH OR MUSLIM? RAAAATS PISS ON THE FLOOR!"

***END OF TRANSMISSION***
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:50, Reply)

He's only saying what we're all thinking.

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Mon 16 Feb 2015, 10:57, Reply)