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Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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YEAH WHO CARES
I won a tenner on the scratchcards today. What have YOU won?
alt. What have you lost.
altalt. Most mundane work task? I vote laminating.
altaltalt. Most thankless task in the world? I vote emptying a cat litter tray
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:21, 131 replies, latest was 9 years ago)
dunno to all
oh go on then:

Nothing
Alt: Motivation
Altalt: Pretending to care
Altaltalt: Posting in a 'Geordiejay' thread
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:22, Reply)
Slag.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:38, Reply)
I'm not putting up with this anymore, you can enjoy your rubbish thread without me you bully.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:41, Reply)
won the game of life m8

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:23, Reply)
Fucking hell, Jase.
Alt: Any hope for you.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:24, Reply)
I won the heart of a lovely little lady with a filthy mind.
She's getting on a bit but she loves it and won't stop "begging for the d" it must be genetic, because she is your mother.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:25, Reply)
Yvonne Strahovski is very sexy

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:28, Reply)
please popular page this so if she see it will cheer her up a bit.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:03, Reply)
If she can't be bothered to read through every thread then I don't see why I should cheer her up

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:04, Reply)
She's a busy woman making mid level quality TV shows better by being in them.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:06, Reply)
lol..?

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:38, Reply)
dunno ... I feel like I ought to be a winner by never having bought a scratch card but I'm struggling to feel strongly about it
Alt: we have support staff to do the mundane stuff
Altalt: cats are cunt

Hope this helps!
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:29, Reply)
Nah that can't be right, I mean, I've never bought one either and look at me

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:33, Reply)
perhaps they're not the reliable metric of social success that I assumed

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:39, Reply)
Dunno, you're the brainy one
is there some sciencey term for something that is true if one set of conditions is present, but isn't necessarily the opposite if they are not?
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:41, Reply)
Yeah. "bollocks" as in "that seems like a load of bollocks"

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:45, Reply)
That seems like a load of bollocks

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:47, Reply)
yes

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:47, Reply)
Thanks

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:48, Reply)
brainy?
even compared to you? erm...............
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:48, Reply)
I knew you wouldn't be able to resist that.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:49, Reply)
she's trolled you right up

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
i know it was self-evident. but meh.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
An all expenses paid go on ym.
alt: An all expenses paid go on ym.
altalt: have to alt-tab away from whatever I'm using to procrastinate.
altaltalt: An all expenses paid go on ym.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:33, Reply)
*throws 10p*

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:35, Reply)
You're just not putting the effort in anymore.
Strangely, I said the same thing to (add relative) last night.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:39, Reply)
people put lots of effort into the Biscuit Thread
maybe express a controversial opinion on Garibaldis
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:40, Reply)
The only controversial opinion on a Garibaldi would be liking one
as they are horrible
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:44, Reply)
He said he was disappointed to learn that you weren't a woman with alopecia

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:41, Reply)
I haven't won anything today.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:41, Reply)
You win over my heart every day <3

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:43, Reply)
awww, I love you.
I mean, I'm not in love with you, more like a man loves a good sandwich, or that first after work beer.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:44, Reply)
I understand completely, it is a normal and healthy and totally heterosexual love.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:46, Reply)
That really is a load of bollocks

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:53, Reply)
well, I love you like a dessert loves the rain.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:56, Reply)
now we're getting SEXY

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:57, Reply)
I win a lot.
Maybe because I can't stop eating dog food.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:42, Reply)
about £9,500,000
sadly it all goes to the client and not to me.

alt: nothing that i know of...

altalt: photocopying and paginating. it's fine during the day, when there are minions to do it, but if you have a trial and court deadlines and you're working all hours, it's dull as fuck.

altaltalt: typing on b3ta
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:42, Reply)
surely your employer gets a cut or fees, which in turn go towards your wages.
So you've won a bit.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:45, Reply)
i'd rather win the £9,500,000

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:49, Reply)
shouldn't have gone into a menial service industry then

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
bless you
if you could understand 5% of it, you'd be doing well.

now back to your photocopiers or whatever it was TD outed you as doing.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:57, Reply)
what?

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:58, Reply)
ye heard
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2507751#post2507753
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:00, Reply)
oh right ... I sell photocopiers now, do I?
whatever makes you feel better
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:10, Reply)
I thought you'd know they are called Xerox machines these days.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:14, Reply)
it's words on the internet, it must be 100% true
although i can't see you as much of a salesman.

NO NO, YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG, STUPID CLIENT, LOOK, DO IT THIS WAY- WAIT- COME BACK... WHERE DID HE GO?
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:15, Reply)
me too.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
Nothing. I WORK for the things I want. Buck your ideas up son.

My temper - several times already today.

Having to tell incompetent lazy untermenschen that they are being made redundant.

Having to tell incompetent lazy untermenschen that they are being made redundant.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:45, Reply)
don't you have some sort of secretary or such for pointless menial tasks such as laminating.
We've got an apprentice to do all the shit jobs.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:46, Reply)
a bucket of striped paint ahahahajajakajapes

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:48, Reply)
he did fall for the "long stand" trick.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:51, Reply)
#glasshammer

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
HUZZAH!

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
the workmen at my old estate agency were horrific to each other
i found it particularly horrifying that, on a refurb job, the joiners would shit in the new toilets before they were plumbed in, leaving a nice treat for the plumbers.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:56, Reply)
I'm going to do that for you.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:57, Reply)
we're not having a new bathroom
you can't shit in the kitchen sink
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:58, Reply)
^upset spinster obsessed with my skids

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:58, Reply)
bravo

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:00, Reply)
*side eye*

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:01, Reply)
My builder housemate used to make a point of throwing his gloves at the apprentice joiner if he'd been doing groundwork.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:08, Reply)
His gloves better have been
covered in shit or this a pointless story.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:09, Reply)
Of course they were he'd been 'doing groundwork'.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:20, Reply)
Don't know what that is. Soz.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:28, Reply)
It's builder speak for being 'up to your elbows in shit'.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:37, Reply)
He is the secretary or such for pointless menial tasks such as laminating
#adminskills #wordgotaround
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:48, Reply)
#dataentry #callhandler

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:52, Reply)
Laminating is womans work.
Listening to them do that task is the purview of barbarians.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:49, Reply)
this is one of those jokes I'm going to have to explain innit?

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:52, Reply)
You don't have to. No.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:53, Reply)
Glad you got it mate.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:54, Reply)
it will magically get funny if you do that

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:56, Reply)
Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.

Mongol General: Wrong! Conan! What is best in life?

Conan: Crush your enemies. See them driven before you. Hear the lamentations of their women.

Mongol General: That is good! That is good.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:57, Reply)
See, you've ruined it now

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:00, Reply)
:(

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:07, Reply)
My coat has got ten buttons but I can only laminate?

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:57, Reply)
LTI

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:59, Reply)
Not me.
That tenner is nowhere near as much as you have spent on them. Play fruit machines instead.

alt: the will to live.
altalt: writing reports.
triple alt: supping on your mam's muff chalice.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:48, Reply)
I can't wait until your 'mam 'n' dad' die so you 'win' their house.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:50, Reply)
surely our new government will allow him to buy his council house at a knock down price.
Then he can leave old bicycles on his own front lawn next to the old washing machine and mattress.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:53, Reply)
And stake down aggressive dogs in both gardens.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:54, Reply)
And ride a pony and trap around the estate.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 15:55, Reply)
It's overwhelmingly likely that they will be forced to sell their house to pay for long term care.
Meaning no free house for toothbrush Jase
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:06, Reply)
Not if he puts them both on an all semen diet.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:27, Reply)
see, I've mentioned this to people I know who are relying on their parents death for home ownership.
They don't seem to grasp how much it may cost
to stay alive an extra 10 years or so.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:29, Reply)
There's an easy way to sort that mate.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:30, Reply)
I can't see jase successfully murdering two people without getting caught.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:34, Reply)
He will have been proper mugged by some company offering to help release the equity within seconds of taking ownership

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:35, Reply)
lol,
"Can i speak to Jase the Gay please?"
"Speaking"
"Are you aware, Mr. the Gay, that you could have real cash locked in your home?"
"Yeah, but my parents bodies are in the basement, so I don't really want to go down there in case they've become ghosts or something"
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:38, Reply)
equity release is pikey as fuck and needs to be made advised only
It's financially disastrous.

#financialadviceblog
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:40, Reply)
I won a free pint on a promotional scratchcard at the weekend.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:09, Reply)
That's £4 to buy a sausage dinner with.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:10, Reply)
YEAH WHO CARES

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:25, Reply)
Jesus. Jesus cares m8.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:34, Reply)
Are you in the pub?

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:35, Reply)
Not yet.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:36, Reply)
He cares very little for the homos.
He told me in a vision I had at Glastonbury
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:44, Reply)
You already said that.
Like, at the top of the thread, like.

I can assume your shoutiness is causing you to forget things like question marks and the fact that you're repeating yourself.
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:45, Reply)
I've upset a load of Joy Division fans on facebook :'(

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:53, Reply)
what did you do?

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 16:59, Reply)
called Peter Hook a knob for shitting on Joy Division's legacy

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 17:02, Reply)
to be fair
it's an overrated legacy that they've been simultaneously shitting on for three decades
(, Tue 12 May 2015, 17:05, Reply)
Pretty sure there are undiscovered african tribes that are sick and tired of hearing blue monday.

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 17:07, Reply)
told them that INXS were right all along

(, Tue 12 May 2015, 17:08, Reply)

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