pigeons
i hate those fucking feathered rats. have you ever tried to run over one? you think you've hit it, look back, and THERE IT IS! nodding its stupid fucking head happily in the middle of the road.
and why?
because they have artificial intelligence.
i don't know how far it goes, but it all adds up. they recharge their internal batteries from the hidden power points in statues. that's why they shit on them, so other pigeons can tell who's just been freshly juiced up.
and why, when they bob their heads up and down all day like demented feathery metallica fans, don't they get whiplash? it's because of their pneumatic necks.
have you been to trafalgar square lately? that's an army! they're just waiting to pounce! waiting for that signal!
probably the signal will be coming from dolphins. i don't trust those smiley fuckers one bit.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 20:27, 18 replies)

-6 karma

(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 20:34, closed)

i don't actually run over pigeons myself
mostly because i can't drive
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 20:55, closed)

Reminds me of an old b3ta FP
Why do you never see any baby pigeons? It's not the babies you want to worry about...

*giant 'mother pigeon' flies down and eats commuter*
( The Coast Of Yemen, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 20:48, closed)

exactly.
they're evil, i tells ya!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 20:56, closed)

I'll
go along with this.

Tesla claimed that most of his inventions were being given to him by a talking pigeon that used to land on his arm and live with him in the Waldorf Astoria. Indeed, when it died, he stopped inventing stuff.

What more proof do you need I ask?
(dchurch bah, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 21:15, closed)

this proves everything
if a genius like nikolai tesla could speak to pigeons, albeit a rogue friendly pigeon, my fears are justified.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 21:41, closed)

Bizarrely
...it's actually true! He also used to have to walk around a building three times before he entered it.

OCD? Maybe, but I think it's more likely he was checking it out for signs of pidgeons watching his every move!

It seems odd that the FBI would enter the hotel upon his death and take all his workings and classify them top-secret.

Didn't want anyone else knowing about the pidgeons you see!
(dchurch bah, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 21:44, closed)

i have mild OCD
as does almost every female member of my family. if i can somehow link this to pigeons, i shall feel justified in my persecution of the little feathery bastards
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 21:49, closed)

I
think everyone does to some degree.

If it's good enough for the genious that was Tesla, it's good enough for us mere mortals!
(dchurch bah, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 22:05, closed)

indeed.
i really hate pigeons
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2009, 22:10, closed)

stupid birds
I ran over a pigeon once in my work van. A cloud of feathers spat out the back when i looked in the mirror. I was a bit dissapointed that a nude pigeon didnt pick up the feathers under its wing cartoon style whilst looking angry. think a warner bros cartoon fron before the pc times
(welgar, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 0:51, closed)

it was probably already dead
or had been distracted by receiving high-frequency instructions from the dolphins.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 0:10, closed)

i tried this once
i was showing off my latest sports car - dont worry it will move - trust me.

last i saw after the thud was a puff of feathers behind me in the mirror.

moral: if you want to hit the fuckers do it in an aerodynamic car
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 0:52, closed)

suicidal pigeons are placed in the road
purely to throw us off their trail
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 0:11, closed)

You've got it wrong......
You did get it (the pidgeon), there are just so many of them, there is another that will take it's place before you can turn around. they aren't smart, they're just so stupid that they do not comprehend that something just killed one of them, they just see "well he seems to have gone ,more for me now"
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 1:39, closed)

to appear that stupid
you have to be very, very clever.
don't trust them.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 0:11, closed)

flying rats?
of course they are fucking vermin.
i hate the noddy headed fuckers....
(Patfish, Sat 29 Aug 2009, 12:08, closed)

try being attacked by them
it's not fun.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2009, 0:12, closed)