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RIP, the morning thread.
There's an in depth fooooood discussion going on, right behind me, so now I'm very hungry.

What are you very?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:18, archived)

sexually active

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:18, archived)

Pack a vest for your jimmy

(

mongychops, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:20, archived)

I usually use a king size twix wrapper

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:23, archived)

Take a break, take it up the arse!!!
Hahahaha, like the advert!!
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:34, archived)

oh hahahaha

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:39, archived)

finger of fudge, more like

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:46, archived)

+ fresh glade plug in

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:52, archived)

I'm an alright of all trades, very of none

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:22, archived)

Pet Shop Boys

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:23, archived)

Full
Just had an apple turnover
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:30, archived)

I'm very cool.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:33, archived)

^ cooler than Samuel L Jackson eating a Solero

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:57, archived)

I'd imagine he'd prefer something chocolate, what with being a "black"

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:55, archived)

I knew that coming into the office would be a mistake
I've been here 90 minutes, and done the square root of fuck all
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:37, archived)

I've only left the workshop twice so far today.
Once was to go for a poo. It's very dull.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:37, archived)

we had our daily 'standup' meeting
and the project manager and his manager got so involved in a petty debate about a piece of paper that they forgot to ask half of us what we're actually working on, so I can dick around for the rest of the day now.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:38, archived)

Get some inspiration and motivation from Mike Lindup

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:39, archived)

that's good advice

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:40, archived)

RIP Manolith
www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/is_fighters
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:41, archived)

Berry
Mornin' all
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:43, archived)

dunno, my brother is 50 today, suppose i better get him a card

(

mongychops, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:44, archived)

Get him one about either farts, or losing the remote.
Everyone agrees that they are "well lol".
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:55, archived)

And a 'comedy' apron to go with it.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:01, archived)

Go one better and get him a present.
Buy him a horseshoe and tell him it is a build your own horse in installments.
Every year a new bit. Next year, horse kidneys.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:06, archived)

I'm not very, I'm only a little bit

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:02, archived)

you're very.co.uk

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:05, archived)

+ taller.
And a baller, obvs.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 11:08, archived)

frinkiac.com/video/S03E17/BRJ1QVWMo5UnKtZBWV5RhMjFwQk=.gif
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 12:01, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:01, archived)

Never would have thought I could be so annoyed by a few hyphens
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:10, archived)

oh god, my eyes

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:11, archived)

Hey, at least it's free of "Minions"

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:17, archived)

I don't associate with any pricks who like minions

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:32, archived)

FRESH

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)

ain't nobody dope as me

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:54, archived)

^ dopey

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:56, archived)

^bashful

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:57, archived)

good morning, world!

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:28, archived)

bit generic m8

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:53, archived)

be merry this day m12-4

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:03, archived)

what's the point?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:45, archived)

ye live!

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:34, archived)

Fuck you.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:44, archived)

someone's grumpy that they didn't get to play with their bike mates yestereve

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 7:53, archived)

I played crash bandicoot remastered.
It was good.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:09, archived)

the last time i played crash bandicoot it was inside uncharted 4

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:55, archived)

Yeah, I got that the other week and it reminded me they were releasing the remaster,
So I had a look last night and bosh
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)

did you ever play crash team racing?
that was the shit, yo
(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:23, archived)

I did. It was.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:04, archived)

Well wank my tits and call me Ethel

(

broadsword w⚓, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:06, archived)

your tits are like spaniel's ears m8
it's be like getting wanked off with a used dishcloth.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:13, archived)

el shfly
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:07, archived)

Terrible abuse of my lovely lady lumps

(

broadsword w⚓, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:54, archived)

whattchoo gonna do with all that junk?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:07, archived)

A zip-zap rappy morning to all y'all.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:11, archived)

^big breakfast host

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:13, archived)

If that gets me a spot on the interview bed with Denise van Outen,
I'll take it.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:22, archived)

phwoar eh etc
soz lady boarder
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:31, archived)

in b4 two hats

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:32, archived)

+Balls deep
b4
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:32, archived)

morning

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)

alright 2Can
car chat?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:41, archived)

there's some cars
www.hodinkee.com/articles/inside-the-alfa-romeo-museum
(

mongychops, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:46, archived)

Yeah that prick salesman who wants to sell me the Active Tourer keeps ringing me at work now.
It was very comfortable and I liked all the computer bits inside but there's no way I'm spending £19000 on a 1.5l people carrier.
I still like the look of an X3 or a post 2015 X1.

Also got the e90 footwell module fixed by ebay whilst I was in Cornwall but whilst it was out the battery died, think I've fixed it all now.
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:50, archived)

most important thing with cars these days
is to make sure it syncs with your phone and plays music the way you want it to. If you find out later that there's no bluetooth or that the USB reader is clunky or shit and doesn't recognise folders, there is literally nothing you can do about it for the rest of your ownership of the car, thanks to the way they're wired.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:00, archived)

I hope you're going to be forthcoming with lots of useful tips when I start looking for a battery-powered MPV.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:07, archived)

carry a screwdriver so you can open the battery flap
stupid EU regulations
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:08, archived)

If you can't open the flap, how are you supposed to pour more electrons into the battery?
That's crazy.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 10:12, archived)

It
says it's my B3ta birthday today - but where are my precious candles?
(ccc, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:48, archived)

you have to cum into Rob's mouth to get them

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:50, archived)

a whole week of load not a couple of hours between load

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)

you don't get any
because in 15 years you've never fucking bothered to cough up a solitary fiver to keep this place going (and to get your icon in the process). It's fucking embarrassing that after a decade and a half of using this site you still haven't even worked that out. You're like that guy who goes out drinking with his colleagues and then conveniently gets tired and goes home just when it's his round. You revolting cheapskate.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)

tl;dr

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:52, archived)

and that's why you failed your 11+

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:55, archived)

up yours, dickface

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)

happy july fourth to all our american boarders

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)

yes!

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)

USA!USA!USA!

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:52, archived)

oh

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:54, archived)

I'm not going to work today so I can stay in and have a bbq and beers

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:04, archived)

u shud have the bbq outside lol

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:10, archived)

lol

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:14, archived)

lol

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:24, archived)

lol

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:27, archived)

I hope they maim themselves with cheap fireworks

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:52, archived)

USA. USA. USA. USA. USA.

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:54, archived)

Haha, "July the fourth be with you!"
Just like in Star Wars.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:55, archived)

Oh yes, that's right.
July the Fourth be with you.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:58, archived)

Death to the great Satan

(

mongychops, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:12, archived)

I think I broke my Wii.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:57, archived)

rub it a couple of times

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:58, archived)

i TOLD you not to try and have sex with the wii fit trainer

(

manolith hooray for me, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 8:58, archived)

The glowing blue slot was so inviting,
and perfectly sized.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:01, archived)

the insinuation that you had sex with it
is probably less embarrassing than the tragically nerdy truth of what really happened.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)

I wasted a couple of hours trying to reinstall the homebrew channel,
before giving up and playing Super Probotector and Street Fighter II on the pi, instead.

So, yeah.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:04, archived)

This is like one of those times
when people were playing on the Wii and hadn't slipped the controller's safety loop around their wrist and got overexcited and threw the controller at their telly and broke it except that's probably not what happened.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:05, archived)

Haha, remember when that was a common occurrence?!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:18, archived)

no

(

$$ ✅, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 9:24, archived)

Having a nice Monday evening?
I've decided I'm definitely too hungover to ride to a stupid village full of leather clad bozos, so I'm having takeaway and more beer.
What's your fucking problem, eh? Yeah?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:44, archived)

I'm sitting in the pub beer garden, I listened to that new pe album properly and I really enjoyed it, good times

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:53, archived)

Not heard it.
Got a link?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:06, archived)

There
publicenemy.bandcamp.com
(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:07, archived)

For some stupid reason I thought you meant Hed Pe, and a Google came up with nothing

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:08, archived)

Good god no

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:15, archived)

FUCK YEAH!, THX1138!°°!!
noone on /links is ever gonna know how cool we are here, promoting good music and all that jive!
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 22:14, archived)

sweet dreams, windy

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:01, archived)

:)

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:06, archived)

:)

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:06, archived)

:)

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 21:24, archived)

(____)(____)
bum lol
(

sock more tea vicar?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 21:32, archived)

8===D~~ (‿‿) (‿‿) 8===D~~ 8===D~~ (‿‿) (‿‿)
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 21:46, archived)

Is that your final answer?

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 21:48, archived)

Got home from work early
so decided to make a start on removing loads
of earth from the garden. Done my fucking back in :(
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:06, archived)

Have a lie down rich m8

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:07, archived)

Good advice.
Might have a few sherberts to ease the pain.
Cheers.
(

djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:09, archived)

Lie over the arm of the couch
That'll stretch your back out
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 21:05, archived)

I'm drinking cold beer in the sun

(

willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:34, archived)

Sun cream will mate. Stay safe

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:48, archived)

I forgot that I had a beer in the fridge
cheers for the reminder
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:40, archived)

Drink responsibly

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:49, archived)

I always stick my little finger out

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:58, archived)

IBYD

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 20:01, archived)

I'm apparently hormonal
So I'm getting twatted
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 21:03, archived)

What's got a hazelnut in every bite? Squirrel poo!
Haha, not really. It's Topic.

What adverts from the 1980's do YOU remember?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:47, archived)

I AM THE SPIRIT OF DARK AND LONELY WATER

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:48, archived)

AND I BRING YOU
WATER
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:52, archived)

hahaha

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:57, archived)

lol

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:20, archived)

"Charly says..."
I think it's telling that the current generation of kids don't need to be told not to climb into electrical substations, or fly kites around pylons.

Either they're much smarter than we were, or they never leave the house.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:52, archived)

definitely the second one
and that fucking charly can go and shit up a drainpipe, the scary little cunt
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:57, archived)

:(
I liked Charly.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:03, archived)

he was terrifying

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:20, archived)

Speaking of stupid children, did you see that yank that shot and killed her boyfriend 'cos they thought a book would stop a bullet, think they were panhandling online or saink.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:11, archived)

Darwin Award material.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:16, archived)

She was already up the lemon when they did it so his stupid genes live on.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:35, archived)

Sad.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:42, archived)

I've just finished eating a Topic.
Pretty sure it wasn't a squirrel poo, but you never know, I suppose.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:48, archived)

I assure you, it wasn't

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:49, archived)

No, I'd assume not, but I've never knowingly eaten squirrel poo, so it'd have been a bit bold of me to have claimed 100% certainty.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:51, archived)

Oh
you'd know
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:52, archived)

You've led a colourful life, Mr Hats.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:54, archived)

tip. iceberg.

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:55, archived)

*that joke about the man with the lettuce leaf poking out of his bum*

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:57, archived)

i don't know that joke but i think i can piece it together from context

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:11, archived)

'Well it TASTED like a prawn!'

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:11, archived)

If anything, this is even better.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:14, archived)

I was going down on my nan, when all of a sudden I could taste horse semen
I couldn't help but wonder "perhaps this is how she died"
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:15, archived)

#edgy
#sickepedia4lyf
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:15, archived)

Carling
Black Label.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:50, archived)

You've never seen anywhere like it
Central Milton Keynes
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:51, archived)

haha
that was lovely
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:55, archived)

Gets the message across, in a roundabout kind of way.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:57, archived)

some

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:57, archived)

I dunno.
I can't remember what I had for breakfast. Only joking. It was lager.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:58, archived)

~~lager~~ three shredded wheat
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:02, archived)

Nah it was definitely lager.

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:15, archived)

Milk Tray.
Stalking is well romantic, especially when combined with a little b&e.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 15:59, archived)

Wasn't born until 87, so I'm not sure how I'm going to participate.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:05, archived)

post pictures of willies until you get stepped

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:10, archived)

You have special premission to remember adverts from the 90's

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:11, archived)

That Lee Evans one with the racetrack for John Smith's

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:12, archived)

That Carling black label one where he's stranded and all his stuff was flattened to shit for some reason.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:12, archived)

That Nescafe advert with the posh cunt that was later in Buffy.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:12, archived)

Oh yeah, I remember that
She was a right slag
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:16, archived)

Didn't Gareth Hunt make "wanker" gestures to Andre Agassi in a Nescafe advert?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:19, archived)

Buffy was rubbish,
but he was great in Bleak Expectations.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:17, archived)

You and your hatred of buffets again

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:05, archived)

I was bullied by a vol-au-vent in preschool.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:07, archived)

i dunno, i was 6 when the 80s ended
can we do 90s ads too?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:12, archived)

ffs

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:14, archived)

I don't know why these kids have to ruin a nice bit of 80s nostalgia
they'll be old one day too y'know
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:18, archived)

NO.

(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:18, archived)

That's 'andy 'arry, pop it in the oven

(

mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:13, archived)

wasn't that french bread pizza or summat?
Always thought that was one product that didn't really need to exist.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:17, archived)

they were alright

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:19, archived)

Does you does, or does you don't take Access?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:20, archived)

Confused, would we?

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:37, archived)

Shop staff always look appalled when I offer them my flexible friend.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:51, archived)

Not as appalled as the time you got it out in ASDA and said 'roll that back'.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:56, archived)

actual snortle at this

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:02, archived)

Every Little Helps, more like

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:04, archived)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF-U9nL9Ios
(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:23, archived)

Having watched many a "Carrot's Commercial Breakdown" with my parents
I'm obliged to nominate that German newspaper advert where the bloke peeps through a glory hole into the ladies changing room, then disguises his erection by hanging his paper over it.

Dunno what year that was, though.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:26, archived)

I saw that on Tarrant on TV.
Money for old rope those shows, still occasionally got to see some tit.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:39, archived)

If I learnt anything from those, it's that European TV is just wall to wall boobs 'n' bush.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:44, archived)

I seem to remember being on holiday in Italy in my early teens and seeing tits on the telly at about 2 in the afternoon.
I thought 'those Italians don't know they've got it so good'.

Then there was that gite we stayed in that had some German channels. On the first night I thought I'd struck gold.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 16:57, archived)

Remember when we didn't have convenient access to all the pornography, all the time?
Kids today have never had it so good.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:06, archived)

German TV has its own set of morals.
They'll cheerfully show full-frontal nudity at four in the afternoon, and if the news is on and there's been a motorway accident, they'll show footage direct from the scene, complete with generous streaks of blood leading away from the central partition.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:11, archived)

And yet they insisted on 'zombie' mode in a lot of computer games.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:11, archived)

Yeah and now they complain at the merest glimpse of a swastika.
Back in the day they had them EVEYWHERE.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:52, archived)

the one where the guy squarts

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:00, archived)

That was for the milk board, I think

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:05, archived)

*grabs coat*
i.imgur.com/WSPgHMr.jpg
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:10, archived)

pray 4 doves

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:25, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8093562
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 17:32, archived)

Ye gods.
Look at these tumblrinas.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:04, archived)

What a time to be alive

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:53, archived)

Ugh.
The fact that her lawyer rejects capital letters is much funnier than it ought to be.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 19:21, archived)

Max Factor refers to a person not 'Maximum Factor'.

(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:19, archived)

another jew coining it in

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 18:40, archived)

Property scam chat is soooooo last season.
Interesting as it was.

This morning there was a mental bint on the metro ranting and raving in a bewilderingly loud voice about axes and retribution and the Prophet Mohammed. It had been a while since the previous encounter with a genuine nutter on public transport.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:24, archived)

So was she pro-islam, or anti?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:25, archived)

Couldn't tell either way.
I was trying to focus on my book but she seemed to be waxing lyrical on Biblical stories of divine intervention and name-dropping Mohammed at random intervals.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:26, archived)

So when are you seeing her again?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:39, archived)

it's too soon to call her yet
he'll have to wait a day or so or he'll appear desperate
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:02, archived)

Ah, ok
Man, if I ever separated from my wife, I'd have so much to learn.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:07, archived)

I'm expecting her to follow me home tonight, so she can share more of her thoughts with me.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:11, archived)

2H's wife?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:14, archived)

She's a well known stalker

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:22, archived)

As I was walking through town, the other night, some kid shouted "oi! you with the pony tail!"
When I turned round and asked what he wanted, he just muttered "nothing" and ran indoors.
What does this mean?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:27, archived)

It means he was thirteen years old and was trying to impress his mates.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:28, archived)

~~was trying to impress his mates~~ fancied you.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:29, archived)

Clearly he was hoping you were a girl

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:29, archived)

I used to work with a guy who wore his hair really long when he was a teenager.
He told me about the time he went to a festival that turned a bit violent and got set on by some random bloke, only to hear a loud voice from behind him saying "Leave that girl alone!".
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:31, archived)

When I first grew my hair out, it was quite curly.
Coupled with my penchant for tight jeans, and a questionable choice in shirts, being mistaken for a member of the fairer sex wasn't an unfamiliar experience.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:38, archived)

~~n't an unfamiliar experience~~ my dating strategy.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:47, archived)

You may mock, but I rarely went home empty handed.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:05, archived)

IBYD

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:23, archived)

I got propositioned by a lesbian when I was in poly.
I was playing a videogame and from behind she thought I was really cute.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 3 Jul 2017, 13:47, archived)

she was only warning you
you should've paid more attention
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:32, archived)

Rookie mistake, really.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:34, archived)

there used to be a slow woman who told each person waiting that the approaching bus terminated at this stop
It was like a public service, except that each relevant bus already had a huge TERMINATES HERE sign on the front and there were often a hundred people waiting, so she'd approach each person in turn to forewarn them. And she'd do that for every single bus until her one turned up.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:35, archived)

That's actually kind of sweet.
Although I can imagine it might get irritating after the tenth time.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:37, archived)

it's bad enough to see a bus approaching and find out that, yet again, it's not the one you're waiting for
and then this stunted bint says in slow Polish "THAAAT'S NOOOT YOURRRR BUSSS, YOOOUUU MUUUSSTT WAAAAAAIIIIT", just to rub it in.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:53, archived)

Back in my London-based years
There was a man who lived on my road who would scream on weekend morning. Full on screaming for a few minutes (with small breaks for breathing) for about 30 minutes, then stop. It didn't seem that odd at the time, but now, hmm.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:12, archived)

Primal scream therapy?

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:14, archived)

Pod person.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:15, archived)

Okay, now I think of it Cabbage Patch Kids just got even more creepy

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:21, archived)

Did it coincide with the 30 minutes you spent in your bay window, drinking a cuppa before your morning shower?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:18, archived)

oh lol

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:22, archived)

Could get the screaming up to 45 minutes adding in a few lunges

(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:29, archived)

There is the Famous Botley Bag lady.
You can smell her coming before you see her, and she's always laden down with bags of rubbish. Not sure where she lives and she's got to be in her 80s. Mad as a box of frogs, but harmless and I do feel for her not getting proper help.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:23, archived)

We've come so far since Victorian times
They used to commit you just for being left handed, or having morbid thoughts, or for objecting to marrying your 12 year old niece
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:31, archived)

Or, if you were a woman, for doing anything remotely independent or empowered.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:38, archived)

Member when they knew their place, member

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 12:43, archived)

Transport nutters are always fun

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 13:13, archived)

I'm going to go with "depends" on that one.
The most fun one I've ever encountered was the bloke in a pink miniskirt with a lampshade on his head who sat opposite me on the Tube one evening and was actually very articulate and witty.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 13:15, archived)

~~very articulate and witty~~ baldmonkey
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 3 Jul 2017, 14:01, archived)

pff

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 14:33, archived)

morning

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 7:27, archived)

Hello mate.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:00, archived)

morning
good weekend?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:05, archived)

Fantastic mate thanks yeah.
Feel a bit worse for wear, yesterday was Cowley carnival and I smashed it up with my brother. There was a proper old school drum and bass DJ and MC combo and it felt like i was back in a shit club in pompey all over again.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:19, archived)

yer, I got wrecked too
still suffering
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)

get back on it you lightweight

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:57, archived)

I'll not be bullied into alcoholism m8
I'll do it at my own pace.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)

pouring 40 oz for doves
s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/gangsta-lean-pour-liquor-o.gif
(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:17, archived)

why do they do this?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:20, archived)

libation to the deceased

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:32, archived)

4 doves
media0.giphy.com/media/3xz2BPbIqcqpFDKXsI/giphy.gif
(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:07, archived)

Doors it have to be a bottle of piss?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:51, archived)

just gonna leave that there, huh?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:06, archived)

Meh.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:07, archived)

^standing clear of the doors

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:52, archived)

When you think about it
it really is.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:17, archived)

trouble is, most people don't think!

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:20, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8092511
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:44, archived)

Cockentrice

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:48, archived)

bit disrespectful

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)

only if you're an animal lover

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:53, archived)

cocken-tease more like, you outrageous flirt

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:56, archived)

Couple use 'quick sale' website; is surprised to learn it's a con
www.portsmouth.co.uk/our-region/portsmouth/police-probe-as-portsmouth-pensioners-claim-they-lost-thousands-in-house-sale-1-8036669
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:53, archived)

it's almost as if old people in former council housing don't understand how the property market works

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:58, archived)

I know right

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)

to be fair, their solicitors must have seen that something was up in the contract
so either they're criminally incompetent, or criminally involved in the scam.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:01, archived)

I guess they get paid either way
so I'd go for C)....they simply didn't give a shit.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:02, archived)

you should comment on the article because you clearly haven't read it either

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:37, archived)

A statement from Verisona said: ‘On completion of the sale for £150,000, the Plowmans’ solicitors paid £99,000 out to two companies for reasons that are not yet clear.’
Surely the contract drawn up between the two parties prior to the sale, which the Plowmans must have signed, would specify who gets paid at the end. Without it, why would their solicitors have paid out 99k to someone?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:50, archived)

By my reading, the Plowman's didn't instruct their own solicitors, but relied on the firm acting on behalf of the buyer.
A rookie mistake, if ever there was one.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:54, archived)

meaning what I said, that the solicitors are criminally involved
because they'd have known the buyer's game straight away.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:58, archived)

If you're going to argue with mongy, might I offer my services as an intermediary?
My fees are very reasonable, and I guarantee to resolve the matter to your* satisfaction.

*"your satisfaction" is to be determined by myself, as you empower me to act on your behalf
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:03, archived)

it wouldn't be fair, he hasn't been able to read properly since he lost his finger tip

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:14, archived)

I don't discriminate on the grounds of disability.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:26, archived)

the midland solicitors who were provided by the company are clearly in on it and bent as fuck, hence the cops getting involved

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:56, archived)

and I said the solictors must be criminally involved
so it looks like you're the one who doesn't read.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:59, archived)

Err you said they might be incompetent

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:00, archived)

If you're going to argue with Grrry, might I offer my services as an intermediary?
My fees are very affordable, and I guarantee to resolve the matter to your* satisfaction.

*"your satisfaction" is to be determined by myself, as you empower me to act on your behalf
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:04, archived)

i don't argue with zx81's, no point

(

mongychops, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:05, archived)

I like this turn of phrase, and am prepared to offer you a 10% introductory discount.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:07, archived)

pfft

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:08, archived)

I don't know what their problem is, they were promised fast cash and they got it
and it was almost certainly more than they paid for the house in the first place
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:03, archived)

one of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:55, archived)

I woke up singing neutral milk hotel lyrics :(

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:56, archived)

I don't think I know any neutral milk hotel songs
I've got the first hawk and a hacksaw album somewhere, which is sort of relevant
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:04, archived)

yes, that is sort of relevant, well done

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:10, archived)

hi

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 8:59, archived)

and lo, the beast awaketh

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)

I'm going to the dentist in a minutes
Any advice?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:02, archived)

try not to bite their fingers

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:06, archived)

oh THANKS tangled
now I'm more likely to do it! Ugh
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:07, archived)

well just make sure you don't bite down hard and draw blood
they don't mind the odd little nibble
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:22, archived)

That was the most successful dentists appointment I've had in a very long time

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:11, archived)

how are you measuring this success?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:08, archived)

For years my dentist has being saying I can't have a bridge
The lady who's substituting is happy to do it. This means a great deal to me, tangled.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:19, archived)

what have you been hiding under to scare billygoats up until now then?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:29, archived)

pick your nose
Everyone brushes their teeth before the dentist, but no-one thinks of all the premium bogey-spotting opportunities the oral hygienists have to put up with all day. Do them a favour, clear out the snot.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:07, archived)

I hate to say it
but this is actually good advice. thank you
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:08, archived)

have a wank

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:14, archived)

in the dentist chair?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:36, archived)

yeah
helps with nerves
(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:37, archived)

maybe see if the hygienist wants to do it for you
OR they could suck you off and spit it into that little drain bowl thing
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:52, archived)

Before you post anything online
You should ask yourself "would I be happy for my mother to see this?"
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:06, archived)

BOTTOMS!

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:10, archived)

+POWER
disgusting
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:13, archived)

you see, the power bottom is actually generating the power by doing most of the work

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:30, archived)

get 'em to take your picture for the big book of british smiles
frinkiac.com/video/S04E17/F2AYHlcaAxFThe5B0VTewt9WC-Y=.gif
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:27, archived)

last time I had a filling, the dentist took a photo to add to her portfolio
which I would have had no problem with, except she used the camera on her iPad.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:33, archived)

Your bicuspids were the highlight of the fappening.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:47, archived)

godby

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:08, archived)

bad start to the morning, grrr
there was a large dog poo outside my bedroom
(

Major Turd for tonight only, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:23, archived)

Weird thing is, no-one in your place owns a dog

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:29, archived)

was the dog large, or the poo?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:34, archived)

There was a large dog. "Poo outside my bedroom", I requested.

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:50, archived)

i keep reading this and it keeps making me laugh
so, well done?
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:35, archived)

Perhaps they saw your username and thought it was a request

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:10, archived)

Are you camping on Two Hats' lawn?

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:15, archived)

a ri
(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:36, archived)

vg

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:56, archived)

Morning

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:27, archived)

^straight to the point

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:34, archived)

Is it over, yet?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:35, archived)

If you want it to be

(

$$ ✅, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:44, archived)

So very much.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:48, archived)

ask Lenny Kravitz m8

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:48, archived)

As it happens, he is going my way.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:50, archived)

I like that song.
I like most of his stuff, come to think of it.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 9:53, archived)

have you got the hiccups again?

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 10:54, archived)

+,

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:02, archived)

new thread please

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 11:16, archived)

(

manolith hooray for me, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 0:22, archived)

^

(

artifus is doing it all wrong, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 0:46, archived)

See, if you can't spatially expand my horizons
Then that leaves you in a class with scrubs, never rising
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 0:49, archived)

No mouseover chat

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 6:39, archived)

Wearing a black armband for The Doveston all day

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 3 Jul 2017, 7:15, archived)

alright /talk

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 23:58, archived)

morning

(

manolith hooray for me, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 8:00, archived)

Yeah, not bad

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 8:14, archived)

Can I get back to you on this?

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 8:55, archived)

Hi

(

mongychops, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 10:10, archived)

Just watching the baby, having a bud

(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 11:00, archived)

Sounds a bit boring, is your telly broken?

(

Mr. Tea dole-nonce-amuser extraordinaire, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 14:04, archived)

On Friday a mate I don't see much these days asked me if I fancied a pint as his telly just died.
Mick: less interesting than telly.
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 14:10, archived)

*cracks knuckles*
b +t d +g
(

Slippery Mick ‏, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 14:08, archived)

hi-dee-ho

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 11:02, archived)

Morning all
Birthday mode go!
(

H.B.Mupps, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 11:16, archived)

Happy 31st birthday to popular 'Beeter' chat forum contributor 'HB Mupps'
I woke up needing a 'wee' and my neighbours seem to be having a 'party' so I can't get back to 'sleep'. 'Great'.
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 11:22, archived)

Dear Hon. Mr. Mupps Esq., have a nice rest of your life
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkB6ugFKi3g
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)

Have a great day young master hotfuck

(

mongychops, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 12:21, archived)

If you're not already drunk, you're birthdaying wrong

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 13:16, archived)

HAPOY BIRTHDAY MATEY

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sun 2 Jul 2017, 13:19, archived)

happiest of birthdays unto you

(

manolith hooray for me, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 15:19, archived)

last

(

$$ ✅, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 12:17, archived)

urgh
vodka
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sun 2 Jul 2017, 12:32, archived)

All of you're inpotent files have been encrypted
To decrypt YOUR imporratent files please pay 300 likes or dogecoins to some spastic.

Alternatively you could just fuck off yaah?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 20:58, archived)

u ok hun

(

Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 21:08, archived)

Yeah love.

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 23:07, archived)

oh great, it's saturday night spanishfly

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 21:11, archived)

Alright mano

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 23:07, archived)

+ant and dec's

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 23:43, archived)

Barry Norman, FIN.
Let the images begin!
(chuffster, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:19, archived)

Images of Barry Norman?
Nah, you're ok.
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:32, archived)

Jesus christ
Fuck off, yeah?
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:32, archived)

not very christian

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:41, archived)

Actually, it's probably the most christian thing I've ever posted

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:43, archived)

did you have jehovah's witnesses at your door this morning?

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 14:23, archived)

No

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 14:52, archived)

i did

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 15:05, archived)

I know

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 15:06, archived)

woah

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 15:06, archived)

psychic innit

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 16:26, archived)

^derek pakora

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 16:44, archived)

And why not?
(chuffster, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:54, archived)

Yeah, yeah?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 14:52, archived)

I am 12 and what is this?

(

$$ ✅, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:51, archived)

People with a first name for a surname are bent af

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:52, archived)

true

(

$$ ✅, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:53, archived)

george michael
patrick stewart
bruce lee
mark owen
robert patrick
robert bruce
telegram sam
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 14:07, archived)

Stewart Lee

(

$$ ✅, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 16:56, archived)

Steve Bruce , Micheal Owen ,

(

mongychops, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 17:31, archived)

is it benter or fewer bent if the surname is a girl's name?
jeff lynne, lewis carroll, etc
(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 17:09, archived)

Kirsten Scott Thomas must be a massive lezza

(

mongychops, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 17:33, archived)

I thought he died years ago

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 13:04, archived)

He quit the Beeb to work for Sky.
So, yeah, he pretty much did die years ago.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 1 Jul 2017, 18:04, archived)

alright Graham Coxon from out of off of Blur

(

mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 22:38, archived)

Posting a picture? STOP!
This messageboard is for chat only. Go here for pictures.
(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 13:31, archived)

cheers

(

$$ ✅, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 13:39, archived)

Alright dribble

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 14:03, archived)

$$

(

$$ ✅, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 16:56, archived)

what did you hope to achieve here?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 14:40, archived)

nobody achieves anything here

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 17:19, archived)

Is this an acknowledgment of the futility of all human endeavour, or just about posting on /talk

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 17:31, archived)

yes

(

manolith hooray for me, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 17:59, archived)

morning
Saturday innit
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 8:16, archived)

pinch punch
first of the month

no returns
(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)

Nothing gets past you, godby

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 9:02, archived)

FUCKING YEAH IT IS!!! BOOM

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Sat 1 Jul 2017, 9:11, archived)

Morning
Might go down the marina if the mental is up to it
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 9:14, archived)

raining
more like, and I have to go outside in this piss. but it could be worse - it could be 38°C as previously self-experienced!
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 9:58, archived)

Saturday?
*checks*
Saturday
(

H.B.Mupps, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 10:09, archived)

Wh'appen.
Bought a new 'Skegness' ankle support this morning (because it's so bracing).
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 10:52, archived)

arf!

(

H.B.Mupps, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 11:25, archived)

I went to look at BMWs and the guy almost persuaded my wife to make me buy a 218i active tourer
It looks horrible. Is the new x1 basically the same car but less shit looking and with the option for a better engine and AWD?
(

2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 13:53, archived)

I am in a good mood.
I have just found out I have had a 10% pay rise.

Why are you going to get fucked up this fantastic Friday evening?
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 19:20, archived)

To kill this fucking headache

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 19:22, archived)

Alcohol and tramadol.
Works a treat.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 19:36, archived)

have you tried a few glasses of water, headaches are almost always dehydration, except for when they're brain tumours, obviously I hope yours is just dehydration
(

vladimir, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 20:33, archived)

Tension headache
I get them a lot due to very thin veins in my head and family being stressful
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 21:40, archived)

I used to get cluster headaches when I was first infected with herpes.
Fucking nightmare.
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 22:34, archived)

My in-laws have bought me a chippy tea,
and then I'm going to watch Doctor Who with the kids.
#lifeontheedge
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 19:25, archived)

I like this though.
I have been watching this series - it's alright.

I want to suck long ropes of Cum out of Peter Capibaldi
(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 19:35, archived)

lol

(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 21:11, archived)

He's finished after the Christmas special

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 21:41, archived)

And then he'll regenerate into Sandi Toksvig.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 21:49, archived)

I could still suck ropes of Cum out of her cock as well

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 1:27, archived)

It's my real candles on Sunday and I got a bottle of rum at work
Looks awfully tempting...
(

H.B.Mupps, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 21:10, archived)

Dunno.
Just got in. Ladypig has gone off with some friends, so I might go back out.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 21:34, archived)

I'll fucking do it then you fucking cunts.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-40447610

8/5
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:24, archived)

Tits / Tits

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:29, archived)

George Osborne can fuck right off.
It's like he's been genetically engineered to be the smarmiest person ever.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:30, archived)

Smarmageddon: The George Osborne story

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:39, archived)

1/7

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:32, archived)

No comment

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:44, archived)

wank out of wank

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:44, archived)

I'll be gone when the mornin' comes

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:45, archived)

cheers
make sure you lock the door and post the key
(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:53, archived)

philip k dick's less populazzz

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 18:28, archived)

3/7
What the fuck have I been doing with my life.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:50, archived)

cunt on countdown's called moose
what kind of name is that for a man with no antlers?
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:54, archived)

All in all, this is a baffling, yet interesting post
4/5, would read again
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:54, archived)

*curtseys*

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:11, archived)

Is he loose aboot this hoose?

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:55, archived)

aboot the stoodio

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:05, archived)

Maybe he has really big knuckles.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:58, archived)

he has a beard
but no braces
(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:05, archived)

I miss the doveston a bit

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:18, archived)

must be his day soon

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:41, archived)

Monday infact, national holiday

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:47, archived)

sending thoughts and prayers his way

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 17:04, archived)

0/7
a world first
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:21, archived)

Nah, I'm a thicky too
www.b3ta.com/talk/8086014
(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 16:31, archived)

Friday plans?
It's my brother in law's wedding soon so all us relatives are going out for laser tag and bourbon. It's like a stag do, except we won't make him wear a comedy t-shirt or a tutu.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:10, archived)

Going to see an art-house satire on the history of porn tonight.
Kind of like an episode of MST 3000 for pornography.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:12, archived)

I expect you'll see that well famous one
where a bloke in a Model T picks up two birds for a threesome in a field.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:14, archived)

Clockwise, starring John Cleese.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:16, archived)

l
wise, starring John
l h
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:50, archived)

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:59, archived)

I actually called in here earlier but couldn't comment as working that out gave me a cluster headache and a nose bleed, thanks grrrmachine

(

vladimir, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:03, archived)

I'll be wanking into a cocked hat

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:14, archived)

Fucking shit up and getting wrecked.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:14, archived)

fighting and fucking

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:16, archived)

Drink. Smoke. Fight.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:16, archived)

all day

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:17, archived)

Not much really...
Downloaded some films to watch over the weekend while I BLAYZE it.

37 Metres Down
Lights Out
Mrs Peregrines Home For Peculiar Children
Bad Moms

I'll be making cheese scones at some point too.
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:17, archived)

The mrs still wants to see Despicable Me 3.
So, that probably.
At least it means I get to do my 'hot dog in the popcorn' trick again. :)
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:20, archived)

classic stuj

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:34, archived)

My son's coming, my daughter nah

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:21, archived)

that's surprising
I had to shuttle between my parents no matter how I felt about it until I was about 14.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:23, archived)

She is 14, and she's going out or saink

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:26, archived)

christ, I thought your kids were still 8 or summink

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:50, archived)

Nah teens

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:12, archived)

+ compares to you

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:13, archived)

Already done library, pet shop, butchers and mad aunt's
Next is chemists, supermarket, mum's house and home to tidy up before going back to make tea for mental then collapsing with a drink and a shit film
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:34, archived)

Sounds shit

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:35, archived)

It is, tbh

(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:39, archived)

wotcha reedin, then?

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:36, archived)

I'm not
Went to pick up reserved books for the mental
(

Smash Monkey 2 The damp spastic, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:40, archived)

a tepid poo

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:41, archived)

A little bit of wanky wank in my life

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:48, archived)

a little bit of penis by my side

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:55, archived)

a little bit of TITS is all I need

(

broadsword w⚓, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:58, archived)

a little bit of gunt is what I see :(

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:00, archived)

stick around here for another hour and then go and sit in a pub while my kids have piano lessons

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:48, archived)

~~pub~~ tepid poo
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:53, archived)

Emailing a list of acceptable birthday presents to my mum,
to ensure that she'll buy the kids something they actually want, rather than just filling my house with an excess of cheap crap.

And wondering why I've bothered saving a laptop that heats up to boiling point within minutes of being switched on.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:27, archived)

Call it the 'breakfast laptop'.
Switch it on, crack a couple of eggs on the top panel and put the kettle on.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:35, archived)

a lot of old lappies are like that
If you haven't already replaced the thermal paste, do so. And consider drilling a few holes in the case for better air flow.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:38, archived)

Good shout in the thermal paste.
To it apart and blew all the dust out, but didn't think to lift the fan out.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:53, archived)

because you're a weirdo that hoards shit

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:44, archived)

Alright, my wife.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:54, archived)

Maybe because you're a stupid nerd wanker cunt shit wanker fuck cunt nerd.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:49, archived)

I was about to say something along these lines
but with a more "fucking stupid fucking cunt" motif
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:51, archived)

Crack on, it's best we tell him now.
Got to be cruel to be kind.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:52, archived)

I know that he knows he's stupid
I'm just worried how we'll take the news that he's a fucking cunt
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:54, archived)

Good news: I'm too stupid to understand any of this!

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:56, archived)

Gormo's been quiet today
Maybe he had to park too far away from his laptop
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:00, archived)

in b4 archive

(

$$ ✅, Sat 1 Jul 2017, 12:57, archived)

The Sugarhill gang are in town tonight
Might see that if I can be bothered.
(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 14:52, archived)

+to lob a homemade pipe bomb on stage and put the music world out of its misery.

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:03, archived)

^ jealous 'cos he doesn't have "super sperm"

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 15:09, archived)

Danny from The shining stands up wearing an Apollo 11 jumper.
He then walks to room 237. The moon is 237,000 miles from Earth. This is Kubricks way of telling us he filmed the moon landings.

Really makes you think.

So, what are we going to do now?
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:08, archived)

Mars probably

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:08, archived)

IBYWYDOB
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:12, archived)

Cor!
X out of X!
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:18, archived)

Good knees.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:22, archived)

Someone I know always mentions teeth when describing an attractive woman
Lovely girl, quite slim, good teeth.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:45, archived)

+ "...they'll make a fine addition to my collection"

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:55, archived)

Buys horses for a living?

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:02, archived)

probably got brown eyes though :(

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:08, archived)

ignore it, live our daily lives and rant about alternative facts, fake news and lies on the internet

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:09, archived)

My favourite recent conspiracy discovery is the one where Australia doesn't exist.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:23, archived)

I heard that on Radio 4's Small Scenes.
Don't tell me there are people who actually believe that?
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:28, archived)

well yeah, the earth is flat
australia would be on the 'tails' side and everyone would fall off
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:55, archived)

Think I've mentioned this before
but I met someone a while ago who doesn't believe in dinosaurs. Thing is, it was clearly just willful ignorance, and you can't argue with that.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:02, archived)

don't tell manley

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:15, archived)

might go up the pub, dunno

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:10, archived)

Mines a pint of numbers

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:23, archived)

should keep a pint glass of those colourful magnetic fridge numbers under the bar for anyone who asks for that
that's be well lol
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:57, archived)

Yeah.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:15, archived)

there is very little of any significance in this
so I'd probably just fuck it all and have a wank.
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:12, archived)

Fuck a small boy? Then wank on his jumper?
You disgust me
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:24, archived)

prude

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:27, archived)

Gonna buy a 1980 cb500 instead.
Bosh.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:36, archived)

are you building a museum of crap bikes or something?

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:37, archived)

Selling the CZ175 as it's finished and it's slower than a push bike.
Need something to ride while I build the 250, and although I just bought a matchless I hate it already.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:39, archived)

Fair do's
You likely to make any cash off the CZ, considering all the bits you've bought for it?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:53, archived)

I paid 500 quid for the 2 bikes. And maybe another 150 in bits and pieces.
I reckon I can get 800 for it and then the other one is paid for and almost all profit.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:58, archived)

yeah, that is a pretty good steal
won't the CZ250 also be a bit molasses when it's done, if the 175 is that slow?
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:09, archived)

Who knows.
It's a single as well, and my experience of big bore singles is that they're pretty pokey. Friend has a 69 dt250 that is lively. Maybe I'll get some nonsense and make the 250 a trials.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:14, archived)

My car is still for sale...

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:55, archived)

kill princess di

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:14, archived)

I...
I... don't know how to break this to you...
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:17, archived)

Di another day.
James Bond must fight a horde of zombies raised from the dead by Dodi Al Fayed lead by a reanimated princess Diana.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:26, archived)

The Peoples Princess Bride
Dodigo al Montoya must fight the evils of the kingdom of England to reunite with his lost love.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:31, archived)

Lady Di and the Tramp
Well to do princess Diana meets and falls in love with down and out Doggy al Fayed. Adventures and hijinks ensue for all the family to enjoy.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:35, archived)

Just do the "Poke-a-Highness" joke already.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:39, archived)

Well you've ruined this sub thread

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:41, archived)

The Motorcycle DI-aries
Windy Pig (from off of b3ta) writes about motorcycle maintenance, with the occasional foray into Diana puns.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:45, archived)

To late. Twohats has ruined it now as well

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:00, archived)

It's not my fault she had low self-esteem

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:02, archived)

Princess Diana & The Frog
Lady Di fucks another foreigner
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:46, archived)

Tempted to order a burrito for lunch
As I'm wearing a white t-shirt and I like to live dangerously
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:16, archived)

Get spag bol.
That's always good for a lark.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:25, archived)

Cunt pizza

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:26, archived)

NSFItaly
static.independent.co.uk/s3fs-public/styles/article_small/public/indy100/Z1zmU7yuDx/28816-m68mrl.JPG
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:00, archived)

Did I ever show you that photo of when my missus wrote 'cunt' on a pizza in alphabites?
I know we talked about it
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:04, archived)

i think you did
i can vaguely remember going 'haha'
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:05, archived)

certainly sounds like something you'd do

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:06, archived)

Lose a sex toy up a stranger's bum.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:32, archived)

Good.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:35, archived)

It wasn't lost, both parties knew where it was

(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:36, archived)

Dead people are sometimes described as "lost".
Unless they've been cremated, they're probably really easy to find.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:38, archived)

They could be lost at sea.
Didn't think of that one, did you?
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:46, archived)

I know where those people are.
They're in the sea.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:48, archived)

Well done you for finding Flight 370.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:01, archived)

Not always. Genghis khan can be safely described as lost.

(Roger McGough-Pipe, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:48, archived)

He's just hiding.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:52, archived)

a tepid poo

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:40, archived)

i'm going to the delicious baguette deli for lunch* and then going skateboarding later
*made all the more delicious by the fact that TH has never managed to eat there. ho ho ho.
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:58, archived)

Yep, went there on sunday....closed

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:01, archived)

really?
wow. they keep strange hours. i'll post you a cannoli
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:03, archived)

cheers

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 13:04, archived)

yawning
Germany is now officially a gay country but still too stuck up (the arse) to legalize "it". who will grant me asylum?
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:25, archived)

That would depend on what "it" is, and what exactly you intend to stick it.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:37, archived)

you know
'eh mon, you wanna be irie?
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:41, archived)

Ah, gotcha!
Racial profiling.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:54, archived)

that always grabs someone's attention

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:01, archived)

they changed what "it" was
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:53, archived)

^ inevitable

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:59, archived)

and on point

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:00, archived)

yeah, i didn't even try to resist that one

(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:12, archived)

What is "it", exactly? Is the Bundestag filled with members of the Knights Who Say "Ni"?

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:40, archived)

isn't every parliament full of those?

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:42, archived)

what, are you a bent as well?
We've already got more than the standard amount on here
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:42, archived)

It's the standard deviation, geddit?

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:43, archived)

not just bent m1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1
but intellibent
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:44, archived)

can't spell germany without g-a-y
well, unless you spell it deutschland
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:48, archived)

Or 'Allemagne',
which you can't spell without "All men".
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:51, archived)

you can spell deutschland without schwul
but more importantly, why does humid mean gay in german?
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:02, archived)

not quite correct
humid has the umlaut 'ü'. nonetheless the sound can be substituted for comedic effect in a conversation.
(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:08, archived)

Weather for the weekend is set to be warm and faggoty, with highs of 25°C over Hamburg.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:14, archived)

the higher the homodity is, the more one sweats

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:22, archived)

^warmer bruder

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:24, archived)

That's a good point.
It really is a language conspiracy.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:29, archived)

Norway
Everything is pretty gay there.
(

keybo was imtypingonakeyboard, now I'm not, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:50, archived)

Birmingham is the same

(

spanishfly is so fucking sexy people impersonate him, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:52, archived)

ASSylum more like, you BUMDER

(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:52, archived)

I didn't say the other day, but I hope the wedding goes off in the best way possible.
Really pleased for you mate. I've got to get mine organised eventually.
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:54, archived)

I know you said you were in no hurry, but didn't you decide to get married, like, years ago?

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:58, archived)

We've been engaged 3 years.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:04, archived)

"we're engaged to be engaged"

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:06, archived)

You try saving money for a wedding when she owns a horse and I insist on buying shit rusty vehicles.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:07, archived)

a man needs his own horsepower

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:09, archived)

My in-laws paid for our reception,
which suited me as I'd have been more than happy to skip that element of the proceedings.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:16, archived)

traditionally the bride's parents should pay for it
they obviously don't consider windy to be suitable son-in-law material
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:27, archived)

My inlaws were going to pay for pretty much all of it
provided they got final say on everything.
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:30, archived)

Her dad told me he didn't want me to marry his daughter.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:30, archived)

but he's happy for you to live with her for the rest of your lives, right?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:31, archived)

I think he's warmed to me over the years,

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:32, archived)

who wouldn't?

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:34, archived)

me

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:36, archived)

no one will ever want to marry you, with that attitude

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:38, archived)

good

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:43, archived)

I don't want you to marry my daughter either
but then she is only five
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:35, archived)

Be a bit weird if you married someone else's daughter, but carried on living with his.

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:43, archived)

Thanks M8!!!
This time next week it will be done!
(

GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:22, archived)

mine will consist of a registry office and then a trip to the bins round the back of Tescos where I will ask her 'where do you want it?' before going home

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:23, archived)

this is the most romantic thing I've read in weeks

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:35, archived)

I'll be honest, it's never occurred to me to ask for the lady's preference

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:36, archived)

I should've seen that one coming, damn

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:58, archived)

Hahahaha yeah

(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:52, archived)

that was a satisfying laugh

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:59, archived)

I'm just glad Merkel voted against it.

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:53, archived)

no need to elaborate

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 10:59, archived)

It's spelled "America" m8

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:05, archived)

Anything else would have been a minor miracle.
She's always been terrified of teh gheys, because her church says that's what you're supposed to feel.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:06, archived)

push it all the way in

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:16, archived)

We still don't have a working definition of what "it" is.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:17, archived)

one of these, innit? (not a simpsons gif)
i.imgur.com/WTdtwoq.gifv
(

manolith hooray for me, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:23, archived)

imgur.com/gallery/i96fe9U
(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:30, archived)

It's one of these mate
*points at crotch*
(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:29, archived)

leave a bit on the outside
metro.co.uk/2017/06/27/woman-got-butt-plug-stuck-up-her-backside-after-excited-lover-pushed-too-hard-6737498/
(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:21, archived)

the things a doctor gets to see and do in his/her/etc. profession

(

Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:28, archived)

pics or it didn't happen

(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:31, archived)

cum guzzling whore

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:32, archived)

I'd have thought that the flanged base would have to be wider than the plug itself, in order to be used safely?
The story about the woman trying to fish the vibrator out of her bum with barbecue tongs is much funnier.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:34, archived)

It's one thing to get a butt plug stuck up your bum by mistake during sex.
It's something else entirely to pose for photos smiling with said butt plug, to appear in a national newspaper. She's not a bad-looking lass though and the plug doesn't look like a beginner's model.
(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:34, archived)

^likes it up him

(

Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:37, archived)

^ Captain Mainwaring

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:45, archived)

I know the FAQ says that "even if you would, she probably wouldn't"
I think we might be able to make an exception, in this case.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:41, archived)

the story does seem to imply she didn't really know her 'excited lover' particularly well

(

tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:43, archived)

There's no bonding experience quite like an overnight stay in A&E.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:46, archived)

Running out whilst your partner has a foreign object lost up their poo pipe,
is ungallant, to say the least.
(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:48, archived)

Thoroughly caddish behaviour, alright.

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:50, archived)

^ dreadful misogyny

(

monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:44, archived)

One part makes me think you should tie a string round the end to tug it back out
but the other part of me would want to coil up said string then yank it to make a spinning top (since she's the bottom).
(

Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 12:12, archived)

this website does exactly what it says it does
www.thaispointingatthings.com/
(

mongychops, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:33, archived)

oh, THAIs. As in, people from Thailand
god, I'm an idiot
(

Two Hats I saw someone eating M&M's with a spoon, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:34, archived)

well, you know

(

$$ ✅, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:36, archived)

Tha's pointing at things, aren't tha, though?

(

.Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:37, archived)

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