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RIP The Doveston, 2/7
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-40520675
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:14, archived)
7/7 on 7/7

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:17, archived)
I got 65 thousand

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:19, archived)
Oh wow well done m8

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:35, archived)
I got 7/7 but only because someone else posted this earlier then deleted it.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:20, archived)
The delol button should be removed

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:11, archived)
it was me

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:39, archived)
4
I'd almost feel sorry for Jacob Rees-Mogg's wife, but no doubt she's as much of a prick as he is.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:22, archived)
She knew the consequences

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:30, archived)
On a scale of 1-Trump, how offensively sexist would it be to speculate on, after six kids, how closely Mrs Rees-Mogg's fanny resembles a shambles?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:31, archived)

a
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:34, archived)
damn, that took me a little while

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:46, archived)
soz

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:46, archived)
i'll learn to forgive you
in time
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:59, archived)
David Platt's ruptured twat

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:47, archived)
Packie Bonner's dropped donner

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:11, archived)
lol, "paki"

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:40, archived)
Stephen Hunt's Distended Cunt

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:15, archived)
4
because I don't give a toss about any of this fucking shit it's all bollocks die in a fire.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:25, archived)
Bit harsh m7
You should be proud your underfunded British media conglomerate takes the time to publish these weekly quizzes
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:36, archived)
3 for me
we miss you every day, doves :'(
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:33, archived)
Where did he go, anyway?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:35, archived)
Like many before, and the tide before them, his ebb has subsided
Or, I dunno, he forgot his password or something
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:37, archived)
There was pathos
and then there was bathos.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:39, archived)
I *love* dumas literature!

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:47, archived)
what a dumas

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:52, archived)
nah

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:44, archived)
"Always believe in your soul" Your score: 4/7

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:50, archived)
our soul, more like

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:00, archived)
Northern soul, more like

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:02, archived)
*throws down some talc*

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:05, archived)
4/7

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:51, archived)
willy

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:52, archived)

i a
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:55, archived)
or won'ty

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:58, archived)
bum

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:55, archived)
bum

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 15:58, archived)
Weekend plans, maybe?
Or your picks for the new Doctor Who, or something equally controversial.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:35, archived)
I finally took that tank I got off Grry to be painted along with a load of other bits and pieces.
Picking them up tomorrow. Might try and fit those around watching the racing and taking ladypig to horse riding and so forth.

I know Dr. Who is "fucking bent" but I've actually enjoyed a couple of this season with capaldi, unlike the last season or the last couple of doctors which were definitely bent shit. It probably ought to be an ethnic or a woman I suppose.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:40, archived)
well bent

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:43, archived)
Hyper bent

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:53, archived)
Where did you take it to be painted?
I ask, because I'm building a plinth for my deck and have thought about getting the toplate of the turntable repainted while I have it in bits. I imagine an independent/small bodywork shop would probably be willing to do it cheap.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:43, archived)
There's a little place by me called "spray magick" that sand blast and paint most things.
Any small bodywork shop should be able to do it I suppose. Just ring them up.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:53, archived)
My old landlord owned a tank.
A little one, like what Lieutenant Gruber had.
Not all that practical, apparently.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:59, archived)
sitting in my pants sweating
Papa Levi as Dr Who
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:42, archived)
Going out for drinks tonight.
Repairing my phone and doing a bit of writing this weekend.

John Prescott for Dr. Who.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:43, archived)
All of this

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:11, archived)
Going to the cinema with the kids
Rowan Atkinson for Doctor Who
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:48, archived)
Might take mine to see Wonder Woman, tomorrow.
Couple of hours in an air-conditioned room might be just the ticket.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:10, archived)
It's their birthday
So Despicable Me 3 followed by a meal out
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:34, archived)
might pop down to the midlands' premier free festival
but equally I might not

If they get a bird to play dr who I hope it's a fit one, equal opportunities are all well and good, but no one wants to see ugly or fat women on their screen
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:51, archived)
it's Dawn French

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:52, archived)
she could do an hilarious dr who parody with jennifer saunders where the joke is she's fat

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:55, archived)
She looks like she has a puncture, these days.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:01, archived)
no offence ugly or fat lady boarder

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:54, archived)
s

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:54, archived)
it was going to be Grotbags :(

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:56, archived)
it's nigel haver's right bollock

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:56, archived)
it's Jewish singing sensation Stacey Solomon

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:00, archived)
COME ON WATSON

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:52, archived)
Wasn't that the Sherlock Christmas special?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:53, archived)
y

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:58, archived)
Seeing Mavis Staples tonight, nothing else planned
As for Who, Capaldi was perfect, but as it is almost deffo going female, Morgana Robinson would be fantastic.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:57, archived)
it has to be a black or asian transgender woman to fulfil BBC quotas

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:59, archived)
I have less than no idea who that is.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:06, archived)
I bet you have
She's done a lot of stuff
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:08, archived)
One episode of Big School, I suppose I might have seen her in that without knowing it.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:11, archived)
she's a bit of a dickhead

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:13, archived)
Ah, a kindred spirit.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:14, archived)
lol

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:16, archived)
I'd give her my dickhead iykwim

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:19, archived)
Pop it in the post.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:23, archived)
lol

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:29, archived)
the inlaws are staying over for two nights
which means I have a babysitter, which means the wife and I can scuttle off for a disappointing quickie behind the bushes in the local park followed up with a slimy kebab.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:10, archived)
*insert obvious joke likening Mrs Grry's fanny to a slimy kebab*

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:12, archived)
I was hoping someone would catch on

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:14, archived)
i'll probably go out

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:11, archived)

go come
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:13, archived)
haha like Diana Ross!

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:14, archived)
On a staff night out, hitting the beers
Only plans this weekend is possibly seeing the new Spodermans film, hangover permittimg
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:12, archived)
Michael Portillo as the next Dr Who

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:13, archived)
If the costume is anything like his jackets on the train programmes
Turn your tv contrast down.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 14:15, archived)
trips

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:17, archived)
played

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:21, archived)
takes years of planning and careful observation to get to this level

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:22, archived)
42

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:22, archived)
Holy shit

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:23, archived)
yep

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:33, archived)
ravish me now

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:25, archived)
arse or mouth?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:33, archived)
why not both?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:48, archived)
are you shilling for that 888poker or something?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:28, archived)
yes £30 sign up bonus

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:33, archived)
sign up boners, more like

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:54, archived)
Yeah. I know. I CAN read.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:30, archived)
bullshit

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:32, archived)
lies

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:34, archived)
Erm...uh...I.....
thursday?
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:35, archived)
Day, weekend, or acid?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:30, archived)
acid, m8

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:34, archived)
Blindin'

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:38, archived)
alright typing, that Berlin Syndrome was really good.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:41, archived)
It is on my list to procure from the... library... when available
Nowts exciting me now till Dunkirk. Although The Beguiled might be good. Might.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:48, archived)
I'm tempted with A Man Caled Ove.
Seeing Baby Driver next week as well.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:51, archived)
This week may go watch Baby Driver again
Just because it is that good.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:52, archived)
I can't find that online anywhere and it's not out over here till early autumn.
Gutted am I.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
falls

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:38, archived)
naitch

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:42, archived)
acknowledging

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:42, archived)
Captain Trips?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:16, archived)
Herge slapstick

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:25, archived)
Ah.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:26, archived)
I'm a pig at the best of times
But I wouldn't eat any of this shit
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:32, archived)
this one seemed pretty nice
right up until the end
i.imgur.com/cf9CgM6.gif
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:40, archived)
That money shot is rank

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:42, archived)
It looks like every teenage boy's face

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:55, archived)
Foreign muck

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 12:59, archived)
Mmmm...heart attack...

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:02, archived)
I'm trying not to ask another boring question
but a lack of new thread is making this place even duller. It's like an awful beige paradox.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:19, archived)
QOTW: What's your favourite shade of beige?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:21, archived)
Let's get the ball rolling then - Those big families where everyone in them looks eerily identical.
Did your school have one of these? We did all the children looked the same and the only difference between the boys and girls was the hair length. The younger ones were smaller but they still looked the same in a weird russian doll kind of way. And even the parents looked similar in a Kirk/Luan Van Houten kind of way.

They were always also a bit odd, and possibly poor.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:27, archived)
YES.
A guy in my class had two sisters, and he and his two sisters looked exactly like their mum, with no visible genetic input from the dad at all.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 13:38, archived)
morning

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:09, archived)
alright

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:11, archived)
word

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:20, archived)
Hidey holibops
Half day today and off on the piss this afternoon, fun times
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:22, archived)
I had six guinnesses last night
I predict difficult toilet times ahead
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:25, archived)
God speed you black emperor

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:44, archived)
you're right
my anus probably will drone on for 27 minutes, ending with a pummeling crescendo
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:33, archived)
Lift your skinny fists towards the toilet roll holder, to find just one sheet remaining

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:36, archived)
I'm liking this grrmachine
getting pissed on the reg, not washing his hands after going to the toilet because he's a bloke, etc.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:31, archived)
Hello there, you little sexpot, you.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:50, archived)
phwoar eh etc

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 7:53, archived)
My daughter is worried that next week's folk festival is going to get nail bombed, like what happened in Manchester.
Thanks a lot, ISIS.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:01, archived)
I hope you told her
that there's folk-all chance of that happening.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:02, archived)


(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:09, archived)
Haha, like a swear!
I reckon we're safe enough - as symbols of western decadence goes, folk music is probably way down on the jihadi hitlist.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:10, archived)
Okay, now you've done it
SCIS to send message to decadent west that absolutely nowhere is safe
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:28, archived)
ParallelPorts4lyf

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)
United States Bomber 3.0

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:40, archived)
My boss and her husband are going to see Coldplay in Paris on Sunday
and are wondering the same thing.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:22, archived)
I hope everyone there dies

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:35, archived)
There's been a few people waxing lyrical over the recent Phil Collins gig, in this office.
If ISIS picked their targets more wisely, they'd get more favourable press coverage.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:39, archived)
I dunno, I'd rather be horrifically murdered than listen to the Eagles of death metal.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:43, archived)
Their lead singer turned up at the Bataclan again a year or so later
and was told to fuck off, because he'd made allegations that the door staff were in cahoots with the terrorists.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:50, archived)
Well, the French do have a history of collaborating with the baddies.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:53, archived)
If anything, more a car in the crowd situation

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:31, archived)
Mental bloke with knife just off his face on scrumpy and definitely not muslim, claim organisers

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:35, archived)
Drvier, 83, kills six in crowd accident

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:36, archived)
Morning,
In a frankly hilarious turn to the upset over me getting Gary's old workbench, the lads in the lodge and a few contractors have got me a "congratulations on your new home" card changed it to congrats on your new desk and left it on my bench. Colin appears to have not found it very funny.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:05, archived)
you work with some proper fanny's

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:11, archived)
Yes

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:21, archived)
Is Colin your next target to bully out of a job?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:13, archived)
he's gonna plant drugs on him

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:17, archived)
u work with middle aged women

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:43, archived)
cor!

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:46, archived)
i no

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:47, archived)
happy Ivan Kupala Day, m8

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:20, archived)
mate you could have had happy london bombing day

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:26, archived)
bit disrespectful

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:29, archived)
soz, I forgot the noble sacrifice those bombers made

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:33, archived)
Jews did 7/7

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:33, archived)
David Shayler was so wrapped up in 7/7 conspiracies that he ended up becoming a woman
#trufax
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:38, archived)
I learned this week that the drama teacher at the secondary school my son will be attending is about to undergo the change from he to she
I'm sure all of the pupils will treat him with dignity and respect
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:48, archived)
I hope he kept the penis

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:57, archived)
Could throw it at unruly pupils.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:09, archived)
On a piece of elastic for instant returns

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:11, archived)
Mr Mackle and his returning tackle, there, have that one on me @beanoofficial

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:13, archived)
The original drama queen.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:23, archived)
hi

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:34, archived)
*blushes*

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:59, archived)
Alright you revolting pervert

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:44, archived)
it's not my fault they're all so jiggly and pert

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:59, archived)
How are you, filth?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:01, archived)
are you going to get drunk in the memorial park at the weekend?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:11, archived)
I can't get drunk because I'm on a mad diet
because I'm having surgery next week, but I'll be up there. Not too fussed about tonight but up for Alabama 3 tomorrow and The Darkness on Sunday. You?
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:38, archived)
as usual I'm not really interested in any of the bands playing
but my mrs has some drinks reception to attend there for work, so I'll probably tag along for some free drinks
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:54, archived)
Just get drunk and do the surgery yourself.
Sorted.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 10:21, archived)
harro

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:53, archived)
hi everybody

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:45, archived)
Hi, Mr Hats.

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:47, archived)
hi two hats

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:51, archived)
2 Hats Crew

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:52, archived)
2H

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 8:56, archived)
Hi Doctor Prick!

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)
WAAAAANNNKKKKKKERRRRRRRR!!!!!

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:09, archived)
"hi everybody"
that's you, that's what you sound like
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 10:01, archived)
but look at the warm reception ^
plus Windy
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 10:08, archived)
Good morning

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 9:30, archived)
cor, the board's really jumping today, eh?

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 10:26, archived)
strike through j replacing it with d

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 10:31, archived)
Everyone's sacked off for the weekend already,
or too hungover to post.
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 10:35, archived)
^^tggi

(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 11:10, archived)
If Grrry's still awake: HEAD OVER TO /LINKS!
:D
*Prouds*
(, Fri 7 Jul 2017, 0:31, archived)
Had a stupid work email edict this morning which dictated we should have windows open but the blinds closed in the hot weather.
Myself and my colleagues have had great joy in watching the blinds destroy themselves in the wind as they smack themselves wildly into the walls and each other.

Whens the last time you sat back and watched something unfold from a bum rule handed out?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:06, archived)
This looks like it has the potential to be an interesting thread.
I can't think of anything to contribute off the top of my head, so for the moment I'm just going to say "lol, bum".
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:11, archived)
You could be technically sitting back and enjoying a slow moving car crash here though
#meta
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:12, archived)
wouldn't a slow moving car crash be alright, really?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:33, archived)
Not if there's a steamroller involved.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:26, archived)
"watched something unfold from a bum"
Pervert.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:12, archived)
This is the internet
We are all supposed to be perverts here
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:20, archived)
Lol. Bum.
Like a bottom. Lolololol.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:16, archived)
Yeah, I like a bottom
a lady's bottom obvs. Not a poof.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:33, archived)
What does
This one do for you?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:46, archived)
oh my

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:50, archived)
the cheek of it

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:02, archived)
just think, you could park two bikes. two!

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:03, archived)
i can only ride one at a time though

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:22, archived)
work with me here, mano

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:28, archived)

k
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:32, archived)
there's a good boy

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:38, archived)
bum

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:21, archived)
it's important to have bum rules

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:22, archived)
My work has paid some consultancy firm to send us fake phishing emails.
The last one was an offer to enrol in 9 day fortnights. Not being an idiot I spotted it was a phish and pressed the 'im being phished' button in Outlook. I feel it's a bit cruel to taunt us with perks like that though.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:22, archived)
Next email asking for overtime
I'm doing that.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:24, archived)
What would happen to the other 5 days in the fortnight?
Are they planning on sending you into cryogenic stasis?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:34, archived)
I send every internal newsletter to the phishing department
in the hope that it'll block the HR department's emails as spam en masse
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:37, archived)
I've got a recurring meeting in my calendar at lunchtime just to stop outlook auto-adding bullshit seminars to my calendar.
Might start doing this though.

One of my mates is the technical lead at a certain publication aimed at millenials and he said the US arm paid about 20 grand for a phishing test only for the first bloke on the list (name began with A lol) to be one of the IT boys who promptly blocked the entire domain, lol.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:08, archived)
Last Tuesday maybe? Might've been Wednesday.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:22, archived)
Could you be a bit more vague
The detail isn't helping.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:24, archived)
Sorry, yes almost certainly Wednesday.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:25, archived)
when the unpleasant shopkeeper across the road
decided that he needed to start charging for card payments. the shop next door immediately got rid of card charges and everybody goes there instead, so he now has even fewer customers than before
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:28, archived)
Does he do that thing of standing in the doorway when it isn't busy?
I fucking hate that
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:35, archived)
There's a charity shop near me
Where, when it's quiet, the assistant stands in the doorway, smoking.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:36, archived)
Aaarrggh
There is nothing more likely to make me avoid your restaurant at all costs than if you stand in the doorway trying to make eye contact with me as I walk past.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:36, archived)
yes
and he gives the evil eye to former customers who go into next door's shop. i don't care, i'm saving myself ยฃ1 every time i use my card
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:46, archived)
The guy at the one next to my local sits on an upturned plastic box outside.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:00, archived)
you have my permission to kick him in the box

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:07, archived)
the guy in my corner shop calls me boss and laughs at my shit jokes so he's pretty much the best shopkeeper in the land

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:21, archived)
Does he give you tick, that's the real litmus test.
One of the old soaks in my local managed to get tick at the pub, the shop next door and the takeaway across the road; a holy trifecta of jakeyness.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:24, archived)
the nice shop next door did tick until about 3 months ago
some pikey twat ruined it for the rest of us
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:29, archived)
there's always one isn't there :(

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:43, archived)
he owed about £25 for booze and fags
then did a flit
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:50, archived)
Some wanker did that in my local.
Once he went out for a smoke and some gobby pensioner sidled up to his latest missus and told her how much of a prick he was.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:53, archived)
he has done, when i'd left my card at home
also, my weed guy will do a q on tick. i'm just so trustworthy, you see
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:34, archived)
The bloke in the spice shop gave me tick 'cos I was under the minimum card spend.
Then he fucked off on holiday for a fortnight and forgot so I had to make an awkward gesture and offer him cash, about a fiver, for something neither of us could properly recall. It was awkward and as soon as I did it I wished I'd not bothered.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:44, archived)
You've totally pulled, manolith.
Bloke in my local Indian takeaway is a bit like that - always compliments my facial hair. For some reason, he thinks my father-in-law is a vicar, though.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:30, archived)
compliments YOUR facial hair?
i think he's pulling your plonker, ma8

when i was living in leicester, i had two separate chip shop staff ask me if i was muslim.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:35, archived)
"One halal saveloy, please."

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:42, archived)
I like this.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:35, archived)
I quite fancy the cute quiet woman in my corner shop but given I only buy cheap lager, wine and electric from there she probably thinks I'm a wasteman.
And she'd be right.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:38, archived)
you never know, she might be a closet pisshead
and you know what they say about the quiet ones
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:48, archived)
they don't speak much?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:51, archived)
nah, m8
they're filth, pure filth
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:52, archived)
so what are the noisy ones?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:00, archived)
mental filth

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:04, archived)
oh shit

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:11, archived)
full-on bunny boilers
the kind you see crying outside the toilets in a nightclub
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:12, archived)
"Speak up, love."

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:53, archived)
Well I respect her right to go through a shift without getting sex-pested by the sort of people on prepay electricity tarrifs.
Plus if she knocked me back I'd need to go to the shop that's farther away.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:00, archived)
well you'll never get a shag with THAT attitude!

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:07, archived)
Maybe I should just sex pest the bloke in the shop that's farther away. Nothing to lose then.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:13, archived)
that's the spirit

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:19, archived)
"Thank you, cum again!"

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:21, archived)
This is bringing back memories of when I used to go to the off-licence of a Friday night.
Off-licences, eh? Remember them?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:50, archived)
i remember the one round the corner from my mum's house
you could get 3 bottles of stock for ยฃ5
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:53, archived)
Oxo?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:00, archived)
vermouth
we were 15, it was considered well classy
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:06, archived)
Fortified wines: beloved of grannies and teenagers, alike.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:20, archived)
Everyone should get twatted on buckfast at least once.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:23, archived)
the other kids drank thunderbirds or mad dog 20/20
we felt we were a little more upmarket than that
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:31, archived)
Mum used to let us have Sherry or Port with the Sunday roast.
Aside from the odd Martini, that's the extent of my fortified wine consumption.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:44, archived)
despite working in a pub, my parents don't have alcohol in the house
never had drinks with the roast. even in a restaurant, they order tea or coffee
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:48, archived)
In my experience people who work in pubs tend to drink way too much or not at all, I assume the latter and the former are often related.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:55, archived)
Surely it's easier just to make the stuff with cubes.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:01, archived)
Marco Pierre White lols.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q0zGE-Iboc
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:06, archived)
knorr? they've got the k-now how!

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:40, archived)
A woman who looked vaguely familar at a house party of one of my mates missus's came up to me a bit pally and introduced herself to me as 'the woman that used to work in threshers'.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:58, archived)
she was really into sharks?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:08, archived)
christmas eve 1984

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:30, archived)
TV
Wasn't half bad though.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:34, archived)
thank fuck i was only ten
and most likely spent the day off my nut on quality street
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:51, archived)
ha
christopher lillicrap
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:39, archived)
I remember Christopher Lillicrap
He was good, because my brother and I could get away with saying crap in front of mum, and then claim we were talking about him. Classic.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:42, archived)
heady days
we'll not see their like again
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:43, archived)
that was my first christmas
don't remember much of it
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:31, archived)
bum get

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:37, archived)
dunno

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 15:48, archived)
this is really boring, man
like... REALLY boring
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:05, archived)
Grry boring or worse?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:09, archived)
hmm, tough one

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:18, archived)


(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:15, archived)
no u

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:11, archived)
oh i'm boring as fuck, mush
but i'm self-aware with it
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:19, archived)
You're interesting
like a petri dish
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:28, archived)
when is a petri dish not a petri dish?
when it's agar!
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:37, archived)
oh right

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:37, archived)
yup

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:43, archived)
How do you make apple crumble?
Tell her her mum's Gwyneth Paltrow and her Dad's in Coldplay.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:46, archived)
fuck this, I'm going outside for a water fight

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 16:56, archived)
*squarts*

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:00, archived)
*supersoaks*

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:11, archived)
man later arrested for punching a drainpipe.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:05, archived)
I knocked that water the FUCK out

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:10, archived)
The Holocaust.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 17:25, archived)
So Trump's here today
and Wills and Kate will be here in a week, at the end of my road.

What brush-ins with famous people have you had?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:00, archived)
Witnessed Kerry katona being a total bitch
Demanding free stuff and shrieking "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? "
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:04, archived)
her name sounds like an illness
"I'm sorry, the results came back positive for kericatona."
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:09, archived)
She is an illness

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:23, archived)
you'll change your tune when you suddenly need a shitload of frozen seafood.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:58, archived)
Iceland just turned their back on her eh?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:59, archived)
I bumped into Anne Widdecombe.
Literally. She was not happy.

Keeping the political theme, I once shook hands with noted political historian Peter Hennessy.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:04, archived)
I once told Andy Peters that I needed a wee.
I used to do the crossword with Jeremy Paxman as well. He's alright.
Best one was when Raymond Blanc and his wife came in to the bar with Gordon Ramsay.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:04, archived)
what did andy say to that?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:12, archived)
He told me I should find my mum or my dad and they'd walk me to the toilets.
I was like 5.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:12, archived)
no wai I bet u were fifteen

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:45, archived)
bit presumptuous
what if you had two mums or dads? he's clearly a homophobe. somebody find out if he's still working so we can get him fired
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:01, archived)
I saw Jeremy Paxman in the street in Oxford once.
Some columnnist described what it was like to see him in the street like that as "He had an expression that said 'Yes, it is me. Now piss off'.", and it was exactly like that.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:12, archived)
Yeah, he didn't like being bothered.
He'd sit with a glass of wine and do the crossword, and I'd help where I could, but he had little interest in conversation.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:14, archived)
I miss the Times crossword.
You used to be able to subscribe online and print it out every day, thus saving you having to buy the newspaper, but these days you have to subscribe to the whole package. A girl with whom I sang also gave me her username and password back in the say, so free crosswords on the train every day.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:18, archived)
I couldn't read that. It was too boring.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:23, archived)
What, the paper or the crossword?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:29, archived)
You m8

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:50, archived)
Ah, that'll be my air of mystery and derring-do flaring up again.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:57, archived)
Lexi Belle blanked me on Twitter.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:06, archived)
two hats tells the same story but with timmy mallett

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:09, archived)
I'm not into cycling, minor league football or train stations
so Mallett has no interest in what I have to say
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:26, archived)
I'm into naked ladies and roller skating.
You'd think Lexi would be all over me.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:29, archived)
it's certainly her demographic

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:33, archived)
i've been skateboarding with sandi toxvig's nephew

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:09, archived)
Did I tell you I got to meet and hang out with Rodney Mullen?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:12, archived)
you did. i remain very impressed
he's like skateboard jesus
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:33, archived)
He's a very cool guy.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:38, archived)
I was never a fan of freestyle skating , it's bent

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:55, archived)
and i'm not really into vert stuff
we're like jack spratt and wife
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:23, archived)
I like street skating, I just never got freestyle, oh look I can stand on the board on its side and walk , bent

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:28, archived)
strikey-g wank

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:41, archived)
+ prawn

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:46, archived)
vlad! you're here during daylight hours!
\o/
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:02, archived)
:-D :-D :-D

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:07, archived)
No. 73 was filmed down the road from where I grew up.
If I'd ever bothered to go down there, I probably could have got all sorts of autographs. But I didn't. So I haven't.
On the plus side, not doing so has avoided any risk of meeting Frank Sidebottom, whom I find to be utterly terrifying.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:13, archived)
Frank was a genius.
Little Frank was a prick.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:15, archived)
Both utterly horrific creations.
Brr.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:17, archived)
Their version of The Fall's Hit the North is great though
So...
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:19, archived)
Giant, immobile, puppet face, and a creepy voice,
all atop the body of an otherwise normal looking human man. It belongs in a horror film, not on kids TV.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:28, archived)
He's what came out when Betty Boop went into the transporter pod with a newspaper in her hand.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:30, archived)
Sounds about right.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:32, archived)
lol bottom

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:33, archived)
Frank Sidebottom was the stuff of nightmares

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:37, archived)
I'm glad someone agrees.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:40, archived)
Him and noseybonk should have been fed into a wood chipper

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:45, archived)
I remember being quite fond of Mr Noseybonk,
although jogging my memory through Google reveals him to be an unspeakable creature of nightmares.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:52, archived)
He made a small comeback a short while ago.
Like this.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:55, archived)
Not clicking that, might contain a YouTube Celebrity.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:02, archived)
He's like the uncle you never leave the kids with

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:04, archived)
That probably applies to most TV presenters of the era.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:06, archived)
Wilf Lunn

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:47, archived)
Ali Cambell's son once gave me a dead arm.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:00, archived)
Watched Tim Westwood change an office water bottle
The best bit was when the penny dropped there wasn't enough water to fill his cup and he let out a BIG DOG sigh of "oh man."
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:11, archived)
i like this

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:33, archived)
I met Michael Jackson a couple of weeks ago.
Not THE Michael Jackson, obviously
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:20, archived)
General Sir Mike Jackson GCB CBE DSO?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:26, archived)
Gay Cunt Bastard Cunt Bastard Eggy Dick Sucking Oaf?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:12, archived)
it's hard to believe that his doctor was even more incompetent than you.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:26, archived)
To be fair, I don't have access to propofol

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:33, archived)

r o
fol
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:27, archived)
Ex- Channel 4 executive Michael Jackson?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:27, archived)
One of my grandad's neighbours was called Mick Jackson
hth
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:29, archived)
What is he called now?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:34, archived)
the late Mick Jackson

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:35, archived)
MCBEEF!! RARE FOOTAGE OF SURREYS TOO HYPE CREW!!!
youtu.be/FIpUTPnJDrU
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:28, archived)
I popped my winky up cheeky 80's scouse pop songstress Sonia

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:31, archived)
Better the devil you know, eh

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:35, archived)
did she give it back?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:24, archived)
I walked past the cheeky girls, and was surprised at how small they were
And I walked past Suranne Jones and was surprised at how tall she was. The height of celebrities is surprising to me, apparently.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:35, archived)
celebrities are nearly always tiny
I walked past Noel Gallagher backstage at a Specials gig and I could have picked him up and put him in my top pocket
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:43, archived)
was john gaunt there? he made the special donchaknow

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:20, archived)
it's possible, just about everyone with some sort of claim to knowing someone in the specials was there
there were about 800 people on the guest list
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:34, archived)
only when walking past them though

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:56, archived)
yes

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:04, archived)
some sort of doppler effect type thing

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:04, archived)
I saw Alan Ruck at an autograph signing event in Milton Keynes.
He did not look very pleased to be there. Lou Ferigno looked pretty chipper, though - I think he may have been chatting to Kenny Baker.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:39, archived)
wow, when worlds collide
I wonder what they spoke about
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:42, archived)
They were probably each commenting on the other's height.
Or they were mocking Ruck.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:43, archived)
Hey, why you do dmall, Keddy?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:49, archived)
tangles celebrity handshake anecdote #2
I once shook hands with Brian Wilson, it was a bit weird because I didn't let go for ages, I was quite drunk.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:45, archived)
I waved at pope John Paul the 2nd, he waved back, he loved a wave up

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:46, archived)
I once met Richard mcbeef off of the internet

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:09, archived)
Was he in a ski lift in Hulen with a pint of prawns in his hand?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:12, archived)
he was in a Pakistani restaurant in East London with a spicy poo in his hand

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:35, archived)
I think I went on stage with Matthew Corbett and Sooty, once.
But I was quite shy and didn't say very much.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:13, archived)
^little cousin scampi

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:25, archived)
A bearded man put his hand up my bottom.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:29, archived)
rubbish
there's no way that 2 can can grow a beard
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:55, archived)
I've never met Grotbags,
and I never will.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:27, archived)
my aunt was her spitting image

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:28, archived)
Bright green?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:33, archived)
even had the wart

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:38, archived)

I like to go for a six degrees of separation version of this where it helps if you ever met an ancient famous person, for instance the late Queen Mother, GAWDBLESSER, because that would put you one person away from all sorts, for instance Tom Elliot, and therefore two people (QM and TSE) from Betjeman and Joyce
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:38, archived)
Tried playing that at work
which was dull when you work with journalists, because Chief Editor always got to ask a question to any visiting head of state, so my student would say "I know Chief Editor, and he knows Obama, and Obama's met everyone worth knowing so checkmate atheists".
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:40, archived)

ha well that's definitely a pretty good haul, which is why it gets more challenging to go for those among us who can reach us back into the past, it would be good to see how quickly you could get back to someone quite long gone, for instance Queen Victoria, or John Dee, or Amenhotep the third
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:45, archived)
aren't there still grandkids of American Civil War veterans knocking about?
They've probably met a load of important people, as did their grandparents at some point.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:58, archived)
ooh good point
I've just had a think about it and I can get back there in three steps, ace
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:12, archived)
I'm Kevin Bacon.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:45, archived)
Kevington Crescent!

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:49, archived)
lol

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:49, archived)
Jesus

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:43, archived)
^ been taking to Jesus all his life

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:46, archived)
Yeah!
In smoking sensimillia you gotta give thanks and praise on to the most high, jah jah, jahoviah! Do it, jah!
Murdah!
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:53, archived)
I don't know what any of this means.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 11:55, archived)
Only famous because of his dad

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 12:20, archived)
grin, mon

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:34, archived)
he' lol

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:43, archived)
wicked, a morning off

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:46, archived)
you deserve a pamper day hun

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:46, archived)
Donald Trump's come over to visit
just for me
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:58, archived)
Give him a punch in the cock from me, then burn down his White House, and blow the ashes up his arse with a trumpet.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:59, archived)
Our government love him
Pro-coal, anti-muslim, anti-free press, anti-Merkel; it's a marriage made in heaven.

And the Polish president looks like a power bottom to my untrained eye.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:01, archived)
+ brown

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:05, archived)
better than japs, I spose

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:13, archived)
lol, japs i

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:17, archived)
\o/

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:24, archived)
I've just been given the worst coffee I think I've ever tasted.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:58, archived)
Go and give the milk a sniff

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 7:59, archived)
Klix?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:00, archived)
I used to teach a nice young woman in her flat every thursday evening
and every time I walked through the door, my stomach heaved at the smell of the rank instant coffee she'd bought, a stench unlike any other crystal freeze-dried ersatz I've ever smelt. And she'd present me with a cup of this black stuff, a glass cup in a metal holder that her family had clearly had for years, and she'd tell me nice stories about her mum and dad and boyfriend and when he was going to propose and the nice little house they were going to buy and how she liked gardening, and I'm just sitting there smiling politely, trying my best not to flood the entire room with my vomitous discharge.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:00, archived)
The worst I've ever had was in Italy, oddly enough.
It was in a cafรฉ that appeared to have all the appropriate coffee-making equipment and presses and steamers and so on, but I'm convinced the owner did a few doughnuts in the car park out the back then scraped the surface of his tyres into a cup and added some hot water.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:08, archived)
Serve it in a hubcap for £12.50, well Shoreditch

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:10, archived)
The perfect accompaniment to smashed avocado on toast at £9.50.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:15, archived)
I like avocado,
but smashing one onto a piece of toast isn't an appealing offer.

I'm breakfasting at my desk, this morning. Not something I really approve of, but the fact I'm eating oats mixed with peanut butter and diced banana from a jar, makes it look like I'm subsisting on baby food.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:17, archived)
Yesterday I saw some strange pouches in the supermarket,
filled with things like quinoa and rhubard, and wondered if they were some sort of hipster on-the-move snack. They turned out to be baby food, at about ยฃ3 a sachet.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:23, archived)
Rhubard & Custarb

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:38, archived)
If you've just put that theme tune in my head for the rest of the morning,
I'mma come round there and duff you up.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:40, archived)
There are worse ear worms.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:43, archived)
Granted.

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:44, archived)
are you also wearing a robocop costume?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:24, archived)
"monster munch is dead.
"They made this to honour him."
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:32, archived)
Was it in a cup or did you suck it straight back out through the enema tube?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:22, archived)
Mornizzle.
The push for the weekend is gaining momentum.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:06, archived)
I hope Grrrmachine is off to welcome Trump

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:07, archived)
Trump's giving his speech at the site where the Warsaw Uprising started
I'm hoping people will climb out the sewers to topple the government.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:13, archived)
^ CHUD

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:21, archived)
well in that case
topp nibb
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:23, archived)
Morning

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:15, archived)
R in mong

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:39, archived)
*gurns*
close enough?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:42, archived)
Eww.
Put your teeth back in.
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:48, archived)
in what?

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:23, archived)
ugh

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:48, archived)
scowl, thurs

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:50, archived)
hi

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 8:52, archived)
+gher love by steve winwood

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:00, archived)
hiya love xx

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:05, archived)
I am disappointed with drimble's performance in this morning thread

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:26, archived)
I'm disappointed in my penus and helmit

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:38, archived)
We all are, 2H.
Buck your ideas up, alright?
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 10:00, archived)
yeah well
you'll be all the more appreciated
(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:47, archived)
that's wishful thinking

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 9:59, archived)
Evening thread.
Because let's face it: anything's better than that last thread.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 20:41, archived)
http://b3ta.com/talk/write.php?parent=8094387

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 20:52, archived)
Not worse eh, I like a challenge

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 20:53, archived)
I just looked up ' brand new' because of this thread, but I'm so drunk I might have read this before
But then brand is fire , fuck you


bolloxs
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 21:10, archived)
Woah, like, déjà vu, maaaan.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 21:14, archived)
I can see the brian doing that

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 21:17, archived)
I have booze and fags and I'm watching Soylent Green
I'm good.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 21:21, archived)
Strikethrough watching + eating

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 21:40, archived)
I bought myself a nice bottle of moscatel this afternoon and then this evening I discovered to my horror that I no longer like sweet wines.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 22:04, archived)
And they say the nurses have it tough.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 22:13, archived)
;(

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 22:15, archived)
Mix a bit of white vinegar into it

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 22:23, archived)
yeah shove an alka seltza in it fucking sham pain m8

(, Thu 6 Jul 2017, 5:32, archived)
there's been a lot of talk of wanky wanky wank wank wanky wank
but what's the best wanky wanky wank wank wanky wank?
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:05, archived)
willy

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:05, archived)
willy wanking is the best

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:10, archived)
Wanky wanky wank wank wanky wank is objectively better than wanky wank wank wank wanky wanky wank

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:05, archived)
wanker

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:09, archived)
I am what I am

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:11, archived)
Don't turn this into a waaAaAaaaaaAknk thread

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:39, archived)
That would be an oecumenical matter.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:11, archived)
Dog wank

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:11, archived)
prawn more like

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:12, archived)
Last week. Keep up.
I'm bored and hot and tired
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:17, archived)
i was bored and hot and tired last week
keep up
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:26, archived)
I kept up last week
and it was hot
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:39, archived)
phwoar, i'll say

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:41, archived)
The best wank
Is Level 42 wank.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:16, archived)
Is this a World Of Warcraft thing

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:38, archived)
That could teach you some Lessons in Love

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:43, archived)
show host

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:16, archived)
^

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:50, archived)
i hadn't eaten Skittles in over 10 years, now my mouth is full of the white ones
tastes like in over 10 years ago
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:33, archived)
+ are we wanked it off the road

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:39, archived)
We lived in Arizona

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:35, archived)
oh shut up you fucking cunt

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:44, archived)
harsh but fair

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:45, archived)
I'm likin dis.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:09, archived)
Tits

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:56, archived)
Likin dis too.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:14, archived)
lies

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:38, archived)
jizz puppets

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:34, archived)
fidget wanks

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:22, archived)
shit fuck cunt wanker

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:26, archived)
Trying too hard.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:32, archived)
ian

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 16:42, archived)
The Wank & Fralters

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:03, archived)
Finally, something intellectual

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:14, archived)
I'm gonna take you to the wank, tangles
To the blood wank
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:42, archived)
laughing all the way to the wank

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:58, archived)
rob the wank

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 18:06, archived)
The wank that likes to say yes

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 20:22, archived)
Get orff moi land!
Right, glad we got that sorted out.

There's been talk of free piss-ups this morning. What's the best freebie you've ever got?
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:37, archived)
I sold all the free CDs I got from running a student radio station
and paid part of the deposit of my first flat with it. Now I'm a slum landlord. So, that.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:42, archived)
That's pretty decent.
My choir conductor in London was a renowned professional expert witness in music copyright cases and used to get sent literally hundreds of CDs a week from aspiring artists. He was lucky if he got the chance to listen to a tenth of them.

He could arguably have sold them off as well, but he was filthy rich to begin with.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:45, archived)
yer, we had the same deal. Ended up with a team of about ten bods who submitted an A, B and C list
A's got on the Must Play list, B's got a daily spin and C's were Good Enough. Everything else just sat in an open crate for the DJs to sift through if they felt like it. We got about 200 singles a week.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:51, archived)
oh i don't know, pretend one of these is me, i'm sure grrry has asked this question in various forms a million fucking times at least
b3ta.com/search/talk?q=best+freebie
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:49, archived)
Honey, no, bumble

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:54, archived)
boo

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:01, archived)
nelson mandela

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:54, archived)
Everybody's

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:58, archived)
Boomerangs are better than freebies mate
Just sayin'
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:04, archived)
*canned applause straight from the golf course*

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:12, archived)
life

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:05, archived)
Oh life, oh life
Do-do-dodo
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:07, archived)
I phoned up UK Power Networks during a power cut, and got told it was a planned outage that we should have been informed about.
They sent me a cheque, the following week. Which was nice.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:12, archived)
presented to you by Mr. Hindsight
had he informed his customers of the upcoming inconvenience, he would have saved his company additional expenditures.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:19, archived)
Yes.
I wasn't even complaining, I just called up to report the outage. The compensation was completely unexpected.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:22, archived)
Not bad, not bad at all.
*tips cap*
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:20, archived)

pho joi
Power Networks during a power cut, and got told it was a planned outage that we should have been informed about.
They sent me a cheque, the following week.
IP
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:00, archived)
Free passport, MOT and new identity

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:18, archived)
Say "hello" to Miguel Sanchez!

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:20, archived)
Everything's coming up Mupps!

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:21, archived)

thing one
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:24, archived)
disgusting

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:42, archived)
Lol

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 17:39, archived)
When I was a stoned teenager I sent a letter to a company that made self-heating tins of food for camping and that under the guise of school 'research'.
They sent me some tins, I eat them when I had the munchies, lol.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:29, archived)
Do they use the same technology as those self-heating cups of coffee?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:34, archived)
Yeah, and the stuff in hand warmers.
They worked much better than the coffee though, as the self-heating sleeve was 1cm thick around the outside of the tin.

I tried that self-heating nescafe once (apparently it was only trialled in certain places) and it just ended up being a tepid mess.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 14:37, archived)
i complained about the number of one specific sweet in a bag of tangfastics and they sent me another bag of tangfastics

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:01, archived)
Did it have the appropriate number of the sweet in question this time?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:01, archived)
yes

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:01, archived)
also, my home was essentially free

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:01, archived)
Did you complain that your old home didn't have enough of one specific type of room, so they sent you a new one?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:04, archived)
y

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:16, archived)
my teeth are itching

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:01, archived)
My nan complained about finding a small piece of wood in a packet of crisps
and they sent her a whole big box of them. Crisps, not pieces of wood.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:03, archived)
roast beef McCoys, if memory serves

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:03, archived)
she scored big, bless her

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:05, archived)
She sure did
Set up her up for...well, about a month.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 15:06, archived)
I've just wasted too much time reading old "best of" posts
The past is shit, it's been and gone, get over it already. What's great about the present?
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:35, archived)
fuck all grrry, everything gets progressively worse over time.
You of all people should be aware of this.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:40, archived)
I'm reading/listening to The Quietus'
best of 2017 albums of the year and I'm inclined to agree with you
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:48, archived)
I've bought a few good albums that have come out this year. But I'd probably have to check my emails to tell you what they are.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:52, archived)
not sure

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:41, archived)
Imminent nuclear death

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:44, archived)
They say that it is better to give, than to receive.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:45, archived)
"But," she says, "beat off, creep."
But you don't say anything.
You just think, what a bum rap for a nice, sensitive guy like me.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:50, archived)
lol, "beat off"
Like wanking!
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:54, archived)
That's literally what it means in this instance, mm.
www.darrenabramson.com/the-gospel-according-to-johnyoure-not-sleeping/
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
"hundreds of snippets of spoken word poetry"?
That's right up my street!
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:59, archived)
Aliaune Damala Badara Thiam

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:47, archived)
Weather is nice, plenty of fish about

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:47, archived)
is it raining fish then?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:49, archived)
wakki

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)
Make you want to move your dancing fout

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:49, archived)
Just completed on the remortgage
Should free up some cash for another motorbike.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:48, archived)
Yay for remortgaging!
Still haven't sorted out my life insurance, but I should be able to reduce my monthly outgoings by a noticeable amount if I ditch that Critical Illness cover that I'm not convinced I really need.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
I've never looked at any of the pension statements sunlife have sent me; not one.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)
Only in it for the free carriage clock, eh?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:00, archived)
I've got to find a motoebike that is nice to work on, maybe turn in to a flat tracker,
But because all the nostalgia cunts want cafe racers all the good stuff is mega bucks. I was gonna get an old BMW r45 or r80, or even a k100, but some prick does a really amazing cafe racer build of those bikes and now every cunt who has one wants stupid money for them.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:01, archived)

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(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:48, archived)
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(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:52, archived)
haha, YES
AT LAST! Alright jackojacko2
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:53, archived)
Clicking this

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:54, archived)
man, papilos santiago's gonna be PISSED

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
says you

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
do you do bent MOT's?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)
that would be quite handy

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:59, archived)
they give it the billy then can't even do MOT's, what a wanker

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:13, archived)
You can just buy an MOT online surely
Got to be on dark web
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:22, archived)
would any mot garage be on the darkweb? i doubt it

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:24, archived)
Not a real one, I would have thought,
but you can buy fake driving licences and fake passports on the darkweb, so why not a fake MOT?
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:37, archived)
if it's not real what is the point, it wont pass a police check

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:44, archived)
The point is to rip off gullible people, I suspect.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:52, archived)
I only ever bought bent MOTs to strip number plates off cars
because you can't transfer a plate off a SORN motor.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:55, archived)
I know someone who spent loads getting an XJS on the road just so they could take the plate off.
More trouble than it was worth by the end.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:59, archived)
exactly, and it's a daft law anyway
Registration and roadworthiness are two different things, you should be able to get the licence plate off a scrap car if it's the only thing worth having.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:04, archived)
Yeah, it's stupid.
The sad thing was because they were only roadworthying it for the plate, the bodywork still looked like shit, so they had a plate worth less than they thought it was worth and a scabby jag that they'd have to spend more money on to flog.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:12, archived)
Well that is of no use to me, I want a bent real one

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:02, archived)
YEAH YOU KNOW ME!

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:00, archived)
wassup ma nig?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)
I've Whatsapped you but you haven't sent the dick pic I requested as proof
Bloody scammers.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)
Do one, yeah?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:57, archived)
He's not a patch on jackojacko1

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:04, archived)
obviously, i should be getting rid of this
but it's the most clicked post on the page currently by some margin
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:25, archived)
yes!

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:33, archived)
Hi hun, I'll be home around 3

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:53, archived)
Listening to AC/DC while I clean up
Then a bit of shopping and getting my hair re-blued
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
I once blue myself
didn't go as well as I'd hoped
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:58, archived)
Practice makes perfect

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:28, archived)

img1.etsystatic.com/006/0/6400472/il_fullxfull.388916707_i55h.jpg
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:30, archived)
he is as well
I speak from experience
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:38, archived)
My dad was nearly thrown off a bus for listening to AC/DC really loud through his crappy headphones
He was 60 at the time, proper ASBO material
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:03, archived)
My headphones are shit
The big ones are great but I wouldn't wear them outside
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:30, archived)
If you wear headphones on the street that are not in-ear, you are either
a) poor and the headphones the supplier gave you are wank
b) some trendy prick that needs to show off and wants to mimic Cliff's Wired For Sound.

Chunks are fab for home use only.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:43, archived)
I find earbuds to be uncomfortable.
I had a pair with small arms that hooked over the ear, they were alright, bit I resent the implication that any of this reflects on my socioeconomic status.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:46, archived)
Too tight or make yer earholes itch?
The hooking ones are what my dad upgraded to. Socioeconomics isn't the main problem here, it is the audio bleed which is a twatty thing to allow.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:50, archived)
I had to use the double-tipped ones as otherwise I push them in too far and get wax all in the mesh.
Which then I try and clean and inevitably end up poking out.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:54, archived)
Bit of both. Or they just fall out.
Got a pair of JVC flats, now - cheap & cheerful, but comfortable. Not a lot of audio bleed from Radio 4, I expect.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:41, archived)
I've got a nice set of porta pro's for in the office as in ears are a bit horrid to wear all day.
Got me some bluetooth soundmagics for when I'm on road though.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:52, archived)
I can't wear the small ones
They don't fit in my ears
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:00, archived)
I got told to turn my headphones down at work recently.
I was listening to a proper tinny JAMC live gig that was mostly feedback.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:38, archived)
JAMC gigs are great
Just for watching people that turn down the free ear plugs and watching their faces melt.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:44, archived)
dressing up as sonic won't help you get a ring, gurl

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:46, archived)
You tool
Just laughed loud enough at that to startle next door's dog
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:02, archived)
We live in a golden age of memes
Better than our parents memes, that's for sure.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:56, archived)
When I was growing up
We had to share a meme, all in the same room, four of us to a single meme
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:59, archived)
sick

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:59, archived)
it was a different time

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:00, archived)
It was acceptable in the 80's

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:01, archived)
Sick like the kid's nowaday's say?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:02, archived)
as in perverse

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:32, archived)
Ee, before this were built it were Zero Wing and Fenslerfilm as far as the eye could see

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 11:59, archived)
And Joel Veitch

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:05, archived)
COME ON WATSON

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:04, archived)
Her first serve this set has been atrocious

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:25, archived)
shit is so cash

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:04, archived)
At this very moment,
my desktop background has become a close-up photograph of a group of pigeons, staring into the camera with expressions worthy of an East Croydon massive on a Saturday night. So that's pretty damned great.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:08, archived)
I've just seen this photo of a durham taproom
durham.pourtaproom.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/10/2016/01/bg-durham.jpg

Apparently they give you an rfid band to activate the taps and you pay by the ounce. Soulless.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:12, archived)
There's a bar like that where I live.
Each table has a tap of a different beer built into it, and they give you a swipe card so you can serve yourself as much as you want over the course of the evening and get billed for it down to the millilitre at the end. It's a great way to spend far more than you budgeted for on a night out and get a nasty surprise at chucking-out time.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:15, archived)
I've done that by just leaving my card behind the bar.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:24, archived)
But you presumably interacted with another human being while doing so.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:26, archived)
Yes.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:26, archived)
Looks like a urinal.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:20, archived)
It does a bit.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:24, archived)
Has this beer been passed by the management?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:30, archived)
I just got myself a new identity

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:28, archived)
you are Aliaune Damala Badara Thiam AICMFP

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:29, archived)
you needed one

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:31, archived)
as a man, this time?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:47, archived)
Alright The Doctor.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:44, archived)
the past is a foreign country: they do things differently there
#brexit
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:52, archived)
RIP jackojacko2

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 12:55, archived)
Ffs I was just about to get sorted

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:06, archived)
opening it

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:07, archived)
IBYA
YDOB
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 13:41, archived)
morning

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:09, archived)
Morning

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:16, archived)
woah, didn't expect you to be first responder

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:32, archived)
She's only gone and hung a black triage tag on the site

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:39, archived)
Well I needed something to do while my bread was toasting

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:59, archived)
oo-er!

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:36, archived)
TASTE SENSATION!

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:37, archived)
tastes like semolina

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:10, archived)
There ain't no morning like a Grrrmachine morning

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:46, archived)
Grrr machine....
gonna treat you mean (you fucking prick)
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:10, archived)
:(((

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)
Once again back it's the incredible

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 7:50, archived)
But is the behaviour ill?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:08, archived)
wanker

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:10, archived)
I say, tickety-boo, old chap, don't you know?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:11, archived)
rah-ther

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:36, archived)
Morning. The baby and the neighbour's cockerel have been competing to see who can make me the most awake at 4am.
I'm pretty close to throttling both of them.
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:19, archived)
Why the fuck have they got a cockerel

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:22, archived)
Dunno he probably has sex with it or something, the egg-headed chicken-loving cunt.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:25, archived)
Must do, no need to keep a cock with hens , unless he likes his eggs fertilised

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:28, archived)
I always say an omelette isn't complete without a half-formed baby bird or two floating about in the middle

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:32, archived)
Balut or gtfo.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:33, archived)
He has hens too.
And quails
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:15, archived)
Jambo

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:19, archived)
Jacamo more like you fat fuck

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:23, archived)
woah

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:41, archived)
daa daa da daa
da da da daa daa da daa
da da da daa daa da da dadada
da da da daa daa da daa daa da daa daa da da da da da
Jambo!
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:24, archived)
où est le jambon

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:26, archived)
Dans le bac à rabais

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:37, archived)
sick

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:40, archived)
J'aime ceci et j'ai cliqué en conséquence.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:45, archived)
merci

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:32, archived)
le jambon est sous le table de ma tante

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:42, archived)
disgusting

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:49, archived)
mais oui

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:53, archived)
DIY Digs & Woosh

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:24, archived)
err wot?

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 8:38, archived)
bottom get

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:04, archived)
rapidly approaching the stochiobentric ratio here

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:09, archived)
lol, 'bent'

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:14, archived)
*yawns*

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:12, archived)
strike-through y adding pr

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:23, archived)
+ fookin'

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:26, archived)
Alright, Wickus.

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:28, archived)
I'm prawny!
I'm prawny, prawny, prawny!
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 9:26, archived)
alright
cheers
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 19:50, archived)
Yeah?

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 19:52, archived)
cheers, yeah?

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 23:38, archived)
I've just been diagnosed as the Internet.
Turns out I'm the internet. Had no idea.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 19:57, archived)
DIAGNOSIS: the Internet
You're welcome
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 20:09, archived)
TV Pitch: Quantum Diagnosis
Basically Barry Van Dyke gets sent into people's bodies from the past to put right what once went wrong, but because he's an inept prick he has to keep going to the hospital his dad works at and trick him into helping him.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 20:42, archived)
well you are beakering in my otherwise civilised thread
sounds pretty internet to me
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 23:39, archived)
The radio said "No, Mick. You are the forums"

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:24, archived)
cheers
alright
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 20:09, archived)
yeah

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:04, archived)
yer
you?
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 20:35, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 20:51, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 21:56, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:04, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 21:22, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 21:28, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 21:43, archived)
Cheers
 
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 22:11, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:05, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 21:43, archived)
Yer, you?

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 21:51, archived)
yer, alright

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:06, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 22:10, archived)
cheers

(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:06, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 22:22, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 22:43, archived)
cheers
cheers
(, Wed 5 Jul 2017, 0:06, archived)
First post!
In your face Kaol (or whoever normally gets it)
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:30, archived)
alright dollars

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:31, archived)
*shows blade*

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:32, archived)
sweet

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:34, archived)
thanks

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:35, archived)
no, thank *you*

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:35, archived)
thank this
*points at crotch*
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:39, archived)
cheers

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:50, archived)
sup double-dolla-sign ya'll?

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:43, archived)
bored
u?
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:46, archived)
I'm tryng to do something with Adobe After Effects.
it's not so easy if you barely know the basics
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:02, archived)
Try starting with Adobe Effects and moving on from there.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:54, archived)
I'm falling asleep over here.
Another hour and a quarter to go before I can faceplant on public transport.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:47, archived)

face
+a homemade explosive

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:49, archived)
I don't think the public at large has much to fear from any explosives I could bodge together.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:51, archived)
oh man, and I even did a mouseover :(

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:53, archived)
make sure you fall asleep on a stranger

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:50, archived)
My goal is at least two tablespoons of drool on someone's shoulder by the time I get to the station.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 14:53, archived)
Haha!
Good work!
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 15:07, archived)
Everyone posting on this board is an autism.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:13, archived)
Howbow dah

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 15:32, archived)
hi

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:04, archived)
My name is spelled without capital letters.
People make many assumptions about why that is. Here is the story. I have always signed my name without capital letters. When I was taking a Master of Laws degree in 1990, I had letterhead designed and my name was in lower case. I liked it, so I continued it when I returned to private practice in 1992. What an uproar! Lawyers called me up to say that they had a vote in their firm about why I chose that spelling; a court rejected an Order because my name was not properly spelled; and the local queer newspaper refused for years to spell my name without capital letters.

I realized that I had a perfect illustration of how we react when someone moves even a tiny bit away from a norm of behaviour, even with respect to something that has no impact on anyone else. So I have kept that spelling, and I tell this story in unlearning oppression workshops.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:17, archived)
I tell this story in unlearning oppression workshops.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:18, archived)
i'm no fan of capital letters myself

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:20, archived)
you should tell people that in unlearning oppression workshops.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:21, archived)
Also, black trousers make your legs itch.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:22, archived)
hahaha

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:24, archived)
There are some right awkward sods about eh

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:26, archived)
Of all forms of oppression, "capitalisation of proper nouns" is the worst.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:35, archived)
She's also a member of AWARE (the Alliance of Women against Racism Etc.)
Racism Etc.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:37, archived)
All other -isms are an afterthought.
I'm glad she's treating them with the contempt they deserve. Unlike men - we're all really racist, but get terribly upset by the other -isms. Like feminism.
*swallows red pill*
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:40, archived)
lol, I'm not really knocking the intentions.
I bet she's unbearable though.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:42, archived)
I'll bet she could use a good knocking!
Haha, #ladbantz!
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:44, archived)


(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:45, archived)
Lads?
Lads!
Lads?
Lads?
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:50, archived)
^ the man in the background bearing his arse going 'whueergh!' on every BBC3 programme about Holiday Reps.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:03, archived)
Oy oy!
*gets regrettable tattoo*
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:50, archived)
Hahaha ME LOVE YOU LONG TIIIME hahahaha
She's Czech.
(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 18:09, archived)
Ladsladsladsladsladsladsladsladslads

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 18:17, archived)
certain people on here used to get very angry about a lack of capital letters and punctuation lols

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:40, archived)
Haha, I expect it was me!

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:41, archived)
and apostrophe's and hanging commas,

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 16:42, archived)
well, yeah. Nobody was gonna support you trying to lynch the sweary jailbait Drimbley.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:31, archived)
idgi

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:39, archived)
Yeah, deny it now, but we all know you wanted to see Comma strung up.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:52, archived)
stuj is admitting to getting a chubby over one of our younger contributors.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:53, archived)
She was dog rough

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 18:23, archived)
My name is spelt all in capital letters to let people know that I am a very angry man and not someone to be messed with.

(, Tue 4 Jul 2017, 17:18, archived)

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