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# The Crab Bloke Challenge: What should be on Darren Emersons' Website?
My idea: A drum machine program with a difference.

All the samples are human beatbox with a special speech pad with these samples:

*) Oi! Oi
*) Are you one one matie!
*) Aceeed!
*) You nut bag
*) Having it large!
*) Tune
*) Give trance a chance

Add a disco ball, raving crab with a smiley face t-shirt & white gloves.

FUCK ME- IT WOULD BE FANTASTIC!
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 7:57, archived)
# A flying bee-dog
Don't know what he would do. Maybe break things and make poems.
(I helped save b3ta! mrbrong, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:23, archived)
# whos
darren emerson ?

is he related to keith emerson of emerson lake and palmer ? :)

(I helped save b3ta! DaWolfey, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:28, archived)
# He's A DJ
You fool.
:P
(I helped save b3ta! Witty, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 8:59, archived)
# whats the address
for his site?
(Big_bert the photoshop muppet, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:25, archived)
# not much on it at the mo
http://www.darrenemerson.com
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 10:19, archived)
# Rob,
you forgot the glowsticks in the crabs pincers.

Gurning crabs. A feersome thought.
(james, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 9:31, archived)
# Don't forget that one of Darren's
ex work colleagues (Underworl) is Karl Hyde;

introduction

tomato was founded in 1991 by steve baker, dirk van dooren, karl hyde, richard smith, simon taylor, john warwicker, graham wood and colin vearncombe. jason kedgley joined in 1997 and michael horsham joined in 1998.

karl hyde and richard smith are also 'underworld'.

Just take a gander at www.tomato.co.uk
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! bantam, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 10:27, archived)
# and also at
http://dirty.org/
(rickydazla, Thu 28 Feb 2002, 7:25, archived)
# presumably
as he has asked us, it is because he doesn;t want the normal - look at what shockwave can do or look how small the text is and how difficult to navigate the site is, designer bollox that most dance music sites have.
sections:
- Darren emersons animal hybrid experimentation lab
- Largin it - pictures of large things being destroyed by crabs
- If I were god, inside darrens scary head
- what pot noodles would taste like if the flavours were the titles of DE's dance tracks
- blood on the dance floor, got to be something for this

and some kind of mix your own DE tracks machine with a twist
(I helped save b3ta! bazman, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 11:23, archived)
# How about...
every now any then a random animal appearing and flashing in some weird multi-coloured epilepsy-inducing way for a short period of time?...You could have a Techno-Goat, or a Techno-badger.
(Muttley, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 12:47, archived)
# tekno
i registered the url www.technoweasel.co.uk about a week ago. ive yet to do anything with it... but thats basically what its gonna be :D
(bobulatorm, Wed 6 Mar 2002, 14:06, archived)
# Well
Although you probably don't need it, I can do anything to audio you might like. Just let me know @ [email protected]
(I helped save b3ta! vulga is a foul mouthed cunt, Wed 27 Feb 2002, 21:24, archived)