because i love you allThe Ripple-Shitter
A burly, tall and aging, pipe-fitter
Sits across from me.
He strokes his shaven goatee beard
And titters thrice quietly.
'This is just no good',
He states, his eyes are all aglitter.
I know he wants to take my money,
And I'm fast becoming bitter.
'This will cost you lots', he muses
And stands up from one knee
'The problem's this here corn-fritter,
It's been blocking your U-bend'
And low and behold, in his shitty palm,
There was my yesterday's dinner.
'Oh really?', I say. 'Yes', he smiles.
I was pretending to know better.
'But this I just don't understand',
He strokes his beard again.
But it's then that I feel it coming on
And close my eyes in pain.
'Look, I'm sorry, mate. Please don't be bitter, b-'
I try to plead, but no.
Before I could tell him more,
My toilet did overflow.
A wave of urine, a tide of piss,
Sprouted forth from the bowl.
Never before has porcelain
Become so very foul.
'What the fuck?' proclaimed the fitter,
But before he could proceed,
My bowels did strain and twist and bend.
The explosion was guaranteed.
I bent over the bath-tub,
I couldn't bare to look.
And in one swift gust,
He was thrown out of my homely nook
Dead, he was, the poor pipe-fitter,
I felt a little remorse.
But really, I thought, he should've known better.
'He couldn't have known, of course!'
From the brown-smear running up my back,
It was plain to see.
At times it seemed, to me at least,
I was a celebrity.
Everyone in town had known,
Apart from that pipe-fitter
'Look' they'd shout, as I walked past
'Here comes the ripple-shitter'.
'night!
(A burly, tall and aging, pipe-fitter
Sits across from me.
He strokes his shaven goatee beard
And titters thrice quietly.
'This is just no good',
He states, his eyes are all aglitter.
I know he wants to take my money,
And I'm fast becoming bitter.
'This will cost you lots', he muses
And stands up from one knee
'The problem's this here corn-fritter,
It's been blocking your U-bend'
And low and behold, in his shitty palm,
There was my yesterday's dinner.
'Oh really?', I say. 'Yes', he smiles.
I was pretending to know better.
'But this I just don't understand',
He strokes his beard again.
But it's then that I feel it coming on
And close my eyes in pain.
'Look, I'm sorry, mate. Please don't be bitter, b-'
I try to plead, but no.
Before I could tell him more,
My toilet did overflow.
A wave of urine, a tide of piss,
Sprouted forth from the bowl.
Never before has porcelain
Become so very foul.
'What the fuck?' proclaimed the fitter,
But before he could proceed,
My bowels did strain and twist and bend.
The explosion was guaranteed.
I bent over the bath-tub,
I couldn't bare to look.
And in one swift gust,
He was thrown out of my homely nook
Dead, he was, the poor pipe-fitter,
I felt a little remorse.
But really, I thought, he should've known better.
'He couldn't have known, of course!'
From the brown-smear running up my back,
It was plain to see.
At times it seemed, to me at least,
I was a celebrity.
Everyone in town had known,
Apart from that pipe-fitter
'Look' they'd shout, as I walked past
'Here comes the ripple-shitter'.
'night!
gazz,
Sun 10 Apr 2005, 4:13,
archived)
b3ta.com/board/4477747
No, actually I didn't mind that one.
(No, actually I didn't mind that one.
Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be.,
Sun 10 Apr 2005, 4:16,
archived)
