b3ta.com board
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Messageboard » XXX » Message 6143 (Thread)

# I saw 'Christ on a Bike' - the Richard Herring show
on friday. He has some funny stuff to say about Religion & bibles & stuff. Best bit was Richard remembering the whole of Matthew - Chapter 1. I.e. the bit about the ancestry of Christ... and making it funny. Quite an achievement.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:10, archived)
# Is that where everyone begats everyone else?
It does go on abit.. What is begat anyway? It's a silly word.
I like to imagine Mary telling Joseph that she's pregnant. "but it was the holy ghost, honest, and then this angel called gabriel came down to have a chat too." What drugs was she on? And Joseph believed her?
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:21, archived)
# that'll be the section
He pointed out that - although Matthew managed to trace Jesus back to David and thus fulfill old testiment prophecy - he did this via the male line.... i.e. via Joseph - who didn't father jesus. Thus the Bible is a load of bollocks.

(except I rather like the stuff in Leviticus about casting women from the village who art on thy blob.)
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:33, archived)
# I don't know if it's true . . .
but Moses apparently found 11 commandments written on that rock. But he decided not to tell the world about "Thou shalt not abandon thy baby in the rushes" to preserve his mother's dignity.
(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:37, archived)
# 17 commandments
The covert commandment is about 7 seperate commands:

"You shall not covet your neighbor's goods. You shall not covet your neighbour's house. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his bull, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbour's."
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:47, archived)
# the writer could learn a little about subbing
"thou shalt not covert" would have sufficed.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:49, archived)
# Or if the presbyterians are right
Just "Thou shalt not" would have done - one commandment with a million uses.
(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:54, archived)
# "Thou Shalt"
That's the B3ta one commandment.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:03, archived)
# That's my favourite commandment
If only God had thought of it. Maybe he was just in a bad mood or something.
(milk_explosion, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:04, archived)
# number one
Should be thou shalt worsip false imaged that thou hast
photoshopped.
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:08, archived)
# even worse - free presbyterians
NO! NEVER! NO! NO!
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 7:03, archived)
# Is that the same David as in David and Goliath?
He sent his mate off to war to get killed so he could have it away with his wife. The scoundrel!
Is that true about being sent away when you're on the blob? Where did they all go? Was there a special place that only women on the blob could go to?
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:43, archived)
# blob stuff = true
Leviticus is very strange.

It's instructions for a set of weird ancient priests - and it's explains about sacrificing birds for sin & stuff.

.... and not touching women who are menstruating - for they are unclean and you'll be unclean too. So you have to go out the village for a few days.

I suspect they the women quite liked having a few days off - without the dull priests and stuffed themselves with chocloate and slagged off men.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:57, archived)
# Sounds great.
Can we bring that bit back?
(I helped save b3ta! Wifey, Mon 12 Nov 2001, 6:59, archived)