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# Oh bloody hell.
Hire me, I'll do it *gets her pencil out*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:06, archived)
# *hires*
not only do they not know these phrases, they suggest that they are in fact typos - and they recommend replacements which make absolutely no sense
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:10, archived)
# This is what you get for hiring people purely because
they've got quite funky socks.

I'd be better for you. Plus I'm jinglyjangly today so you'd hear me coming.

ARRIVING.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:11, archived)
# I didn't know you were pierced
*nods downwards*
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:14, archived)
# Hah, I used to be.
But I did mean my *counts* 16 bracelets.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:16, archived)
# all attached to a piercing
*nods downwards*
*eyes raised in wonderment*
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:25, archived)
# JINGLY JANGLY!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:27, archived)
# you're a fine and tallented woman
and no mistake.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)
# You KNOWS it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:40, archived)
# ha
I think the merits of the person in question don't extend to funky socks

she's possibly one of the most naively dim people I've ever met
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:17, archived)
# isn't that grounds for dismissal in a job where you need to be
worldly and knowledgable?

isn't it fairer to say 'listen, pet, you're not owwa good at this. You might want to think about trying harder or getting another job'? That way - she doesn't labour on for ages thinking she's good at a job she's not good at.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)
# I am going to suggest this to her manager
in CAPS
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:23, archived)
# you should use bold red letters
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)
# *reinstalls Comic Sans*
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)
# Tell her to go and get some skyhooks.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)
# what, pray tell
does one replace the typo of "lasso" with?

I am intrigued, but do not wish to subscribe to their newsletter as it will be full of grammatical and spelling errors.
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)
# Laissez-faire?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:19, archived)
# as thrown by ambivalent cowboys
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)
# *fling*
*sigh*
*wanders off*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:22, archived)
# not quite brokeback mountain is it
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:23, archived)
# Bend over.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:24, archived)
# how high?
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)
# how high is a chinaman
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:35, archived)
# normal height of 5ft 10"
on stilts, 3ft 2"
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:39, archived)
# Any word can be replaced with the words
'throbbing wankshaft' ... it's the universal filler.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:20, archived)
# that would make for an interesting 200 page technical document
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:21, archived)
# it was from an article titled thus:
original phrase:
[large corporation] lassoes nearly 5000 customers in first quarter

suggested new phrase:
[large corporation] loses nearly 5000 customers in first quarter

which I would say is a fairly major error of comprehension
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:26, archived)
# *massages bridge of nose*
Have you got anything to hit her in the face with? Light plastic chair?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)
# fuck that's retarded
still, I suppose it's exactly retarded in that it's precisely the opposite of what was meant

there's some value in that maybe

(straws, clutching)

how much are these twits being paid to fail in the subtle understanding of basic English?
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:28, archived)
# £27,000
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:31, archived)
# O_O
then I presume that this job actually requires some level of qualification above nvq 1 in opening envelopes

I read about too many mongs getting paid too much to do their jobs badly and it's usually followed with how other people who do their jobs properly fix the mess
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:36, archived)
# this is why my company makes no money
because it pays idiots totally disproportionate salaries

*includes self in analysis*
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:39, archived)
# introspection is pointless
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:41, archived)
# oh well, she sounds like she's got a great career in management ahead of her
salary will be doubled within 5 years...
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:43, archived)
# *nods*
*gestures to self sorting out yet another overpaid client's muck up.*
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:40, archived)
# *offers hug and portion of impending breakfast*
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:44, archived)
# Oooh yes please.
I might go on a cookie hunt soon. There's bound to be some, first day of the week in an office with about 70% women.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:45, archived)
# makes note to save some of the beans/egg/bacon/lorne sausage/tomato mixture
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:48, archived)
# Bokeage
bleurgh beans.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:49, archived)
# :(
more beans for me!
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:50, archived)
# Christ.
I DREAM of earning that much.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:38, archived)
# you'd do a much better job of it
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:41, archived)
# Well if an opening ever arises
do let me know, I'm good with grammar (well, essentially. I had a bit of a problem with possessive apostrophes due to my stupid primary school)....

I bet you need qualifications though, yes?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:42, archived)
# haha - this company is run almost entirely on nepotism
I'm so totally not qualified for my job
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:45, archived)
# \o/
yay!
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:46, archived)
# heh
I just worked it out - there's:

me
my sister
my girlfriend
my girlfriend's friend
my sister's friend
my sister's friend's brother
my sister's friend's brother's girlfriend
my sister's friend's ex-boyfriend
my sister's friend's ex-boyfriend's sister

I think that's it
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:50, archived)
# that must make going to work after an argument interesting
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:54, archived)
# Quick, marry me or something.
Don't worry, you don't have to consummate.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:47, archived)
# Woo
And a small yay

So how did she get the job?

Ning awl BTW
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:30, archived)
# nice tits?
:D
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:31, archived)
# oh ho
Proper interview technique
1. lace fingers together
2. place hands behind head
3. Walk forward
4. if elbows touch wall first - fail
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:33, archived)
# but what about the version of this for women?
(I helped save b3ta! discomeats This canoe, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:40, archived)
# This got an office lol
Followed by 10 minutes of despairing for the state of humanity.

I'll do the proofreading for you! I'll charge £5k, and do it in my spare time.

It's how I spend my evenings anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! Thinker, Tue 27 May 2008, 10:49, archived)