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# I didn't mean that. I'm sorry.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:10, archived)
# SORRY MEANS IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN, TTSSATTSR.
DON'T APOLOGISE IF YOU DON'T MEAN IT.

YOU'LL BE HAPPIER IF YOU STOP APOLOGISING FOR THINGS YOU DO ALL THE TIME.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:14, archived)
# WOULD IT HELP IF I SAID YOU'RE MY FAVOURITE?
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:17, archived)
# DID IT HELP LAST TIME?
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:24, archived)
# FUCK OFF YOU KNOW IT DID.
YOU WERE SWOLLEN WITH RAINBOWS.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:24, archived)
# I'M THINKING OF GETTING BACK INTO THE LIFE-COACHING GAME.
DO SOME PUSHUPS AND GIVE ME TEN BUCKS.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:15, archived)
# One of my clients is a corporate coach.
Ten US bucks would buy you just over a minute of their time. Seriously.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:18, archived)
# Yeah, I managed to get a few jobs a while back
Consultancy fees are fucking great if you can get them.

It's hard to get more than a couple of days work for any one business at those rates though - the expectation is you'll fix things pretty much instantly.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:21, archived)
# I GUESS THE WORLD JUST ISN'T READY FOR MY SHIFT-KEY ATTITUDE
My perfect job would be like Kato in the Pink Panther movies.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:25, archived)
# I'd be the best kato ever.
FUCK YOU, INTERNET.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:13, archived)
# seriously, wanting a corporate coach would be the time i kill myself.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:31, archived)
# You wouldn't be sorry for long if you hired me
the only catch is that I'm not moving to canada
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:35, archived)
# i'm a complete screwup, but i know they're nonsense.
i've done corporate, it's more insipidly predictable than victorian dancing.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:42, archived)
# Name one aspect of life that isn't (except maybe being in love).
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:50, archived)
# driving a moped while drunk with your feet trapped in big glass jars of mayonnaise.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:52, archived)
# I predict a crash and I also guarantee some ankle lacerations.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:54, archived)
# luckily there'll be plenty of mayonnaise about.
(I helped save b3ta! postbear has metal knees, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 5:56, archived)
# INSIPIDLY PREDICTABLE.
(I helped save b3ta! gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Sat 18 Oct 2008, 6:10, archived)