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[challenge entry] A bit like polishing a turd really...


Edit: file size now reduced! Hadn't realised it was so big.

From the Make Everything Posh challenge. See all 242 entries (closed)

(Tattsyrup, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:54, archived)
# Topical
Also, post/moon
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:56, archived)
# Mrs T.
"post/moon"

Lovely :)
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:58, archived)
# Feeling lazy :)
In other news, I have interview on Friday. Tips & techniques pleez :D
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:59, archived)
# Don't shit on the interviers desk
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:59, archived)
# *takes notes*
That may be where I've been going wrong....
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:01, archived)
# Confidence is always good
have examples of stuff and shit.
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)
# From me?
You do *want* the job, yes?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:00, archived)
# From anyone listening really
But you have a job, which makes you better qualified than unemployed me :D
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:01, archived)
# Well,
Take a copy of your CV along with you, so you can show them *you* have it too, it will deflect 'detail' questions, make sure you have at least 2 questions to ask them back after they've grilled *you*. Make sure you prepare a 'job/project failure' which you turned round into a positive.
Err, well, there are loads of things, frankly. I'll have a mull and gaz you.
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:06, archived)
# Ta muchos
:)
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:12, archived)
# try a dab of speed
*profers*
(I helped save b3ta! Pope George-Ringo quick Alter Boy, to the Popemobile, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:06, archived)
# ok, but it depends why you want the job.
A) Because it seems to be the perfect job for you:
1) be qualified to do the job (which is not the same as ticking all the silly boxes in their job spec)
2) want to do the job
3) turn up, tell them that you are able to do the job and want to
4) be completely honest. No point lying your way into the job only to find out it's not right for you, it's right for the person you were pretending to be.

B) Because you want a job, any job, for money.
1) Lie if you want, or don't who cares.
2) Imply that you are exactly clever enough for the job. Tricky one this, if you seem too thick you won't get it, it you seem too bright it'll go to someone less likely to sod off somewhere better.

Mockingbird's advice - it's all of the useful.
(I helped save b3ta! Mockingbird Practitioner of SCIENCE, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)
# Mostly A (2&3), but a little B
It's the 'tell us why you want the job' qustion that's worrying me most tbh
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)
# Why do you want the job?
Because Im bored shitless being unemployed, and fancy doing something that will challenge me and something that I'll enjoy, and I hope I can contribute the the growth/whatever of the company...blah blah blah..etc...
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)
# Precisely
Because I'm skint and need some moolah to be able to afford silly things like 'food' and 'water'. I know I'll be better at the job than anyone else you'll interview and if you don't give me the job I'll send those pictures to your wife.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:18, archived)
# Be honest, but also try to say what they wanna hear
They'll have company buzz words and shit, look on the comps website and they'll have goals and shit that the company will lead towards like "ambition, drive, innovation" etc...
if the interviewer seems like the jolly sort, crack a joke or something to make you feel more relaxed and shit.
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:20, archived)
# It's the whole 'company' bit that's the problem
It's public sector, so they don't really have the whole 'jargonistic' thing going
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)
# Oh then cunt them in the fuck :)
Good luck! :)
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:24, archived)
# Hahahahaha, ok then, I'll note that on the back of my CV ;)
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:27, archived)
# Last interview I went to,
I said things about the hospital looking nice (it was a new PFI one so that probably doesn't apply in all cases), the job spec sounding appealing, new challenges, stuff like that.
I also made a fairly big deal about wanting to do the research they were offering, but that might not apply.
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:31, archived)
# Wear a smashing blouse.
You're lovely, just relax and they'll see how fabulous you are. Also nod a lot in a 'yes yes I totally understand/completely agree' fashion.
(I helped save b3ta! fannycradock, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)
# Hahahaha "wear a smashing blouse" hahaha
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:14, archived)
# Hee hee, smashing outfit already sorted
Although if it's this hot it will make for parboiled trellis on a rosti of suit with a kickass-boots coulis.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)
# Oh god yes, confidence-making footwear is a must :D
*strut
strut
strut
strut
BAM - hand on hip*
(I helped save b3ta! fannycradock, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:22, archived)
# Then:
*limp
limp
limp
limp
limp*
"Why the hell did I wear those yesterday, I can't stand up now....?"
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:29, archived)
# :D
(I helped save b3ta! fannycradock, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)
# i wish i could help, but
in my line of work, an interview consists of "can you do the job?" and "how much"

and no, not pimping out whores.

and now i have to go and sit a test to see if i am capable of doing the job i have done for the last fifteen years...
(polished turd 404 pixels wide, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:16, archived)
# Pimping out ladyboys?
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:19, archived)
# Tell them that you really admire their company and that you can really help them advance !
Smile╚╔
(I helped save b3ta! Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:28, archived)
# They don't really do 'advancing'
:S Tis tricky

Smiling I have down pat though. And a good firm handshake.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:30, archived)
# I always find it useful if I can crack a joke or two.
Nothing too risky, obviously, but just something to make me seem more human
(I helped save b3ta! my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:33, archived)
# Oh agreed, I keep it light-hearted
Let it come across what I'm like. Although more '101 jokes for kids' than 'sickipedia'.....
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:36, archived)
# Hello new person
Could you make this less than 100kb in filesize.

200kb+ is too big for a static image.

Thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! epiphany coming live from sweden, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:56, archived)
# Very nice,
but you could optimise it a bit. E.G. www.b3tards.com/u/899d78c16b9bb1676226/new-4.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Smallbrainfield, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)
# LOL
i really fancy her:))
(I helped save b3ta! Elvis impersonator, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 15:57, archived)
# In order to polish a turd you just need to use some
spray varnish first and let it dry.
/odd pub conversation blog
(I helped save b3ta! Pope George-Ringo quick Alter Boy, to the Popemobile, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:05, archived)
# ahem
edit:
inspired by the works of nineteenth century inventor, mediocre
(polished turd 404 pixels wide, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:07, archived)
# pfft
:)
(I helped save b3ta! Elvis impersonator, Wed 1 Jul 2009, 16:09, archived)