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# This is very true. Please see below for one of literally some reasons!
On 8th July 2003, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre invented the Internets.
'A lot of people think that it is older than that, but I just spread that rumour so that I wouldn't get arrested by all of the record companies for letting everyone steal their musics and shit!' said the crazy forrin.

'I invented the Internets so that I had somewhere to get to everyone in the world with my mind controlling lettuces with handles without arousing too much suspicion. SOON YOU WILL ALL BE MINE!' said the Dyke building, Celery Fondling (as shown in this picture) Batshit crazy Frisian.

(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:43, archived)
# Only the Dutch
could invent internets
(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:45, archived)
# And other things....
In 1986, The Dutch Inventor Mediocre got a job at Nasa.

"I had been watching Button Moon on my Telly box and that Mr Spoon was really getting on my nerves, the freakish little nutter!"

"So I built this rocket ship out of some old fruitellas and a cigar case and went up there. Turns out that they aren't real, and all I found in space was loads of fucking Clangers and Bucky O'Hare. I was well pissed off. Which is why I turned Bucky green, and ripped out those little Clanger bastards voiceboxes, replacing them with the thistle whistles I had nicked Angus and Elspeth in Scotland the week before!" the demented Edam molesting Clog hopper said.

(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:55, archived)
# You see,
The Dutch invented space too!
(asciifaceofbob bob bob bob bob bob bob bob, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:01, archived)
# No, that's just silly.
I can't be arsed searching back for all of my "The Dutch Inventor Mediocre" posts.

Search yourself, www.b3ta.com/search/board?q=The+Dutch+Inventor+Mediocre
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:03, archived)
# i have celery in my fridge
should i post a guard?
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:48, archived)
# Probably.
I suspect that The Dutch Inventor Mediocre is currently on a stealth mission to somewhere, hence his lack of appearance the last couple of days....
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:53, archived)
# damn that crazy dutch celery molester!
if i find him in my salad crisper, i shall be most vexed!
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:54, archived)
# Dip it in blue food dye if you're really worried.
It won't affect the flavour at all, however, what a lot of people don't know, is that The Dutch Inventor Mediocre is unable to see the colour blue due to an extremely unfortunate radish picking incident.

In fact, if he sees someone riding a blue bicycle, he actually thinks they are floating.
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 22:56, archived)
# i shall do this immediately.
i used to enjoy adding blue food colouring to mashed potato. people would think i was eating some astonishing new foodstuff.
however, making instant mash with chicken soup instead of hot water went very badly wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:03, archived)
# Ha, you fucking nutter :D
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:06, archived)
# i enjoy experimenting with food
only to eat it, not for sex purposes.
that'd just be weird.
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:09, archived)
#
weird a waste.
(I helped save b3ta! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:11, archived)
# that too
if i see a juicy mango, i want to eat it, not attempt to pleasure myself with it
(I helped save b3ta! Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:13, archived)
# You should meet Jimmy Mango.
What a guy!
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Howdy, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 23:35, archived)