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# Careful, the shock might give the kid a heart attack
Then he'll need this.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:03, archived)
# I can't even look at mofaha's
I just end up howling everytime...

Not that yours isn't hilarious. I'm just preventing myself from looking up at the moment...
(I helped save b3ta! Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:05, archived)
# Have some facts!
CPR has only a ~2% chance of restarting someone's heart, but performing it while waiting for an ambulance increases the chance a defibrillator will work.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:07, archived)
# I'll take those odds over no treatment at all
They don't often tell us those odds in First Aid classes.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:09, archived)
# First aid classes was were where I heard them. It was only a three session course though.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:13, archived)
# On the other hand rescue breaths, if someone has only stopped breathing, have a very good chance of simulating their lungs into working.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:11, archived)
# this is why the bums die
...
(I helped save b3ta! Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:16, archived)
# What's really vexing is the way people do it on TV
saying "come on, come on" and giving up if the person doesn't fucking wake up. YOU DON'T GIVE UP! YOU KEEP IT UP TIL THE FUCKING AMBULANCE ARRIVES!

Bloody television.
(I helped save b3ta! Crystal Magnet Like a diamond geezer, but better, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:18, archived)
# That's the point. They're not going to wake up, the goal is to keep them alive until the magic life machine arrives.
(I helped save b3ta! Mu Dinofiddler, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:20, archived)
# because...
only PAs, MDs and the correctly licensed EMTs can pronounce death...

Unless they have no head. Then it's just obvious.
(I helped save b3ta! Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:21, archived)
# What would mouth-to-mouth on a bodyless head sound like?
I suspect a flobbettyflobrassssp noise.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:23, archived)
# Oh.
So Mr Fluffy won't ever wake up ever again?
(I helped save b3ta! Crystal Magnet Like a diamond geezer, but better, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:24, archived)
# No, CM... I am sorry to say he won't...
*anomine Padre, Sancto Sanctus*

*bums*
(I helped save b3ta! Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:26, archived)
# *sniffle*
(I helped save b3ta! Crystal Magnet Like a diamond geezer, but better, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:39, archived)
# 2 minutes of saying that works miracles
It often results in the person regaining full consciousness, staggering to their feet and just looking a bit tired just in time for the nice sunset over the battlefield or wherever.
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:21, archived)
# then onto
ACTION!
(I helped save b3ta! Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 20:25, archived)