I think you’re right
It comes down to that identity is a two way street, not an assertion. I can’t see trans women as women. Not because I hate trans people, but because I’ve not heard a non-sexist definition of “woman” that includes male people. So if someone’s identity and expectation is “I am a trans woman. I expect to not be treated disrespectfully because of that”, then I can go with that - I’m not being told to alter my perceptions or deny reality. But if someone says “I’m a trans woman, and as trans women are women, I expect you to consider me to be a woman in the same way that you consider all women to be women, and that includes being entitled to access all spaces and services intended for female people”, then I’ll maintain that someone’s assertions about their identity dont actually mean I have to believe them or affirm them, and sometimes I might have to say “no”
The combover analogy is interesting, because even though it sounds facetious, in your example, the balding man is (in relative terms) “oppressed”, while those with a full head of hair are the privileged.
This is a reversal of the dynamic between trans women and women; in which male people claim to be the most oppressed female people.
Edit: this is partly why the issue is so divided. Well meaning “allies” love to show how great they are by telling trans women how pretty they look. They’re treated like babies, not women. And organisations are telling people that falling short of fawning indulgence is hatred. And that makes for a world that feels unsafe.
(, Sun 8 Aug 2021, 11:39, Reply)
When you add to the mix all the new genders things get even more counter intuitive.
If someone identifies as ‘intersex’ or ‘bigender’ that’s all good and well. But they cannot expect people to know or deduce things like that, and so have no right to be upset when they don’t. They can tell people, and out of courtesy people should use their chosen pronouns, but that’s all it is, a courtesy. The assertion that it’s a fact is inane and incorrect. If there is such a thing as society, we ought to try and belong to it in some way, not belligerently keep screeching ‘I am different! Respect me! Failure to do so is evil!’
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Prufrock Lucifer, son of the morning!, Sun 8 Aug 2021, 14:58,
Reply)