Friend of mine
In "Sol" nightclub in Bury a few years back (before they demolished it. Obviously). It was 3 bottles of WKD - or something similarly awful - for the price of 1. Very responsible offer.

Anyway, my friend went to the bar and then stood on the upper level at the top of the stairs leaning on the balcony, next to another chap who had also just visited the bar and had three bottles with him.

He put his three bottles on the balcony and proceeded to start drinking one of them. He then accidentally knocked one of them off, which smashed on the dancefloor below.

Now, there used to be a problem in Sol with drunken wankers thinking it was funny to deliberately throw bottles into the middle of the dancefloor from the upper levels. It was that kind of place. Cue one very pissed off looking bouncer making a beeline straight up the stairs to where my mate was.

What happened next was, I think, one of the most quick witted (for someone who was pissed at least) things I've ever seen:

My mate, realising he's about to get thrown out by the bouncer, very quickly and quietly reaches over and grabs one of the extra bottles the guy next to him had just bought and put it with his own. The bouncer came up the stairs, took one look at them both, counted the number of bottles they both had, and then carted the other bloke off, to much protestation.

Once he was out of sight, my mate then helped himself to the other bottle, now standing unattended.
( PMGT -Bacon., Sun 21 Oct 2012, 15:08, 11 replies)

No cunt leaves here until we find out which cunt did it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 21 Oct 2012, 16:25, closed)

Who the FUCK are YOU?

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sun 21 Oct 2012, 17:50, closed)

I knew a not-quite-as-psychotic real-life Begbie when I lived in Glasgow.
Everybody called him "big man". He was about five foot three.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 21 Oct 2012, 18:18, closed)

Reckon you could have taken him?

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Sun 21 Oct 2012, 20:17, closed)

Not in a million years.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 21 Oct 2012, 22:56, closed)

I went to school with a lad called 'Psycho'
I could never work out why, as he was short and slight, and actually quite a nice lad. And then one day I saw him fight several older kids, coming at them with bits of masonry and other building site detritus, and it all became clear. There's no way I would ever have fucked with him.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 8:56, closed)

Given the diet
that is quite big for Glasgow.
(salvadorevincent, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 12:05, closed)

Now that you mention it.
I don't think I've ever met a tall Glaswegian.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 13:42, closed)

Or a nice South African

( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Mon 22 Oct 2012, 14:30, closed)

Hah, Sol was grim

( Major Turd for tonight only, Sun 21 Oct 2012, 17:18, closed)

I quite like that.

( Foxglove -- it all ends in tears anyway..., Thu 25 Oct 2012, 6:33, closed)