b3ta.com qotw
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Home » Question of the Week » Parents » Post 2616685 | Search
This is a question Parents

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad" said Philip Larkin. Did he have a point? Perhaps yours are merely horrendously embarrassing? Or are you yourself that embarrassing or terrible parent? No tedious McCannery or nonce strikethroughs please, ffs.

(, Mon 6 Jun 2016, 15:43)
Pages: Popular, 2, 1

« Go Back

My Dad the legend? Try tosspot
I've never really gotten on with my dad. He liked Football, I liked reading. He liked going out on the lash and shagging his secretary, I liked going out with guys my own age and shagging them.

The straw which broke the camels back however was something so trivial that I'm amazed it's come to no contact with him, his wife and my three siblings...

It was my youngest (at the time) sister Christening, I'd been asked to be the God-parent which naturally was no problem, so I packed up some clothing and took the two hour journey to Amersham and settled in for a night. I got there, "hello! hello! hello!" from my step-mum, my dad? "What clothes you wearing", ah cheers, thanks.

I bring out my clothes, some Khaki's and a white shirt, as I've mentioned in another post those horrible black work trousers bring me out in a rash and wearing them for any period of time is literally torture. He takes one look at my clothes, walks upstairs and literally *throws* some of his old clothes at me saying "wear them", and then walks off leaving me and his wife in stunned disbelief.

Rest of the night passes awkwardly as I struggle to figure out am I a 12y/o child being told what to do or a 26y/o man who actually can wear what the fuck I want? So in the morning, I wake up and put on my clothes to both my SM's and Dad's horror. My dad refuses to look at me and just walks off, my SM asks me "why won't you consider wearing them?" to which I reply with the last thing I've said to my dad and SM for a year and a half:

"If the clothes are so important to you then why don't you make the clothes the God-parent instead of me? If you want me to the God-parent then let me wear my own God damn clothes".

My SM looks like I'd hit her with a shovel after digging up her (hopefully) dead grand parents and sodomizing them both with a giraffe. Yes I felt guilty but my dad? Wouldn't even look at me.

We go to the Christening and the rest of my family does the same, lots of whispers about "lack of respect" and "who does he think he is" while I'm pointing out the glaringly obvious fact that all the men there are also wearing Khaki trousers due to the cold weather but apparently, what's good for the goose isn't good for the gander. It's only right that the God parent should freeze his arse off for the sake of a few photos.

We do the Christening, I get the next train home and all due to a pair of trousers my dad no longer refuses to speak to me nor allow any official photos of me with my God-son as apparently I "didn't look the part", which he could only tell me through my older sisters. As a result, this was the last time I saw my brother Liam who is now 18 months old, my sisters Jenny and Anna who are 3 & 4 and another one on the way.

Apologies for the lack of funniez, rather cathartic reading this back. Normally family schisms are caused by men not being able to keep their trousers on at the right time, my schism was caused by keeping mine on...
(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 1:33, 17 replies)
If my memory serves me well
This story wasn't that favourably received the last time you trotted it out.
(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 1:49, closed)

(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 1:54, closed)
Credit where it's due
(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 1:57, closed)
alright shitposter

(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 2:05, closed)
That was a marvelous thread.

(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 22:29, closed)
That was a fucking brilliant thread.

(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 9:33, closed)
a bit similar
i got yelled at by my mother for not wearing the boots she bought me for christmas. i told her that they caused massive blisters up my ankles and i couldn't wear trousers for a week because of it. she just said "couldn't you give them another try?"
(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 17:32, closed)
Personally, I would ask someone with a mild allergic reaction to peanuts to eat them just because the family told them to.

(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 20:37, closed)
I don't think "black trousers" is an actual allergen.

(, Sat 11 Jun 2016, 22:30, closed)
They may conatain nuts though

(, Sun 12 Jun 2016, 10:18, closed)
^replies to win etc

(, Sun 12 Jun 2016, 16:38, closed)
My stand out memory from that whole thread was
that this man and his family must be a right bunch of pikeys to go to a christening in khakis and polyester school trousers. Do none of these people own a proper suit?

(, Mon 13 Jun 2016, 16:14, closed)
Even I have a suit for when people get married or put in the ground.

(, Mon 13 Jun 2016, 17:52, closed)
I keep a black shell suit for cremations. #solidarity

(, Tue 14 Jun 2016, 0:33, closed)
Personally, if I had raised a son that even griped about wearing cheap school trousers
to a fucking christening, let alone a baggy off the rack hundred quid wool-blend suit from Marks, I'd have killed myself long ago. I'm full of admiration for Helo Sr's incredible mental fortitude.

But then, I wore my suit jacket throughout a funeral in 25+ degrees because I felt taking it off would be unseemly. Perhaps I'm the wanker here and wearing khakis in a church is actually socially acceptable. I'm not sure, however, that's a world I want to live in.
(, Tue 14 Jun 2016, 10:19, closed)
I never got this back then
And I don't get it now.

Pride: the enemy of many a relationship.
(, Mon 20 Jun 2016, 16:34, closed)

« Go Back

Pages: Popular, 2, 1