Abusing freebiesA friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.
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lizard, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
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To be honestThe 'top' (and I use the word lightly) posts on his profile page are so very bad, they actually become quite amusing. One story in particular had me giggling like a buffoon. I'll repost it as is:
"German Helmet.
Cammelfanny
''the thirteenth devil woooooo!
We did a Wonggy (how the fuck do you spell it?) board in our shed, there we're 8 of us. 1984 I think?''
1983 you silly cow! And there was a Devil! I kicked him in the nuts! If you hadn't have run off you would of seen him. (really! Kids!)
Any way my story.
We went to France to vistit the somme with my Mum and Dad and 1 of my brothers. Because it was something my Mum always wanted to do, plus I found it very interesting as well.
Any way we toured round the battle field and came to a place called Delvil or Devils Wood as the South African soldiers called it. There was only one original tree still left which had been shelled to shit! Any way my Mum said she found it scary as it was getting dark, and there was a funny feeling in the air. Probably the curry I had for lunch.
Any way I bought an WWI German helmet that had been dug up, it had a bullet hole in it. My Mum then Refused to dust my room from then on saying the helmet was haunted by the poor sod who had his brains blown out, in it.
One night I had a vision of shadow on my floor of a German soldier, to be honest I have no idea if it was a dream (probably!) But in the morning I sat with it on me knee and explained to it (twat!) that I was just looking after the helmet and it's owner didn't need it any more.
The next night I had a vision or dream of this shadow waving good bye to me, and I haven't seen it since.
OOOOOOKA SPOOKA! Wooooooooooooooooo!"
It's like the winning essay from a special needs class. He's either seriously retarded, or a comedy genius.
Probably just retarded...
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 20:13, Reply)
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