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This is a question Abusing freebies

A friend of mine recently attended a 'Champaign Lunch', where he was compelled drink as much fizzy stuff as he could between the first and last courses. In an ideal world we'd ask restaurant staff to tell us stories about fatties stuffing themselves at All You Can Eat places, but we recognise that our members don't all work in the catering trade, so for the rest of you - tell us something about abusing freebies. BTW: Bee puns = you fail.

(, Thu 8 Nov 2007, 14:16)
Pages: Latest, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, ... 1

This question is now closed.

gobble gobble
When at university there are often freebies to be had, and many stories to be told about them some of which can be seen here. I think one of the best I saw was a promotion on Pepperami Gobbler, the not very popular spiced turkey snack. I guess as they werent on sale for very long since they werent that good. For once on a Uni campus they were having trouble getting people to take free stuff so me and a mate pursuaded them to part with a box of 24 each instead of the one per customer.

Cut down on shopping that month anyway.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 15:25, Reply)
Bugger!
My boss has just had 6 guys round the office table having a meeting, I bought biscuits for them and they scoffed the lot.

Freebie abusing bastards. They were posh biscuits as well. I haven't had a posh biscuit in ages.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 15:07, 7 replies)
Apostrophe's
I read the B3TA QOTW this week and got lot's of unnecessary apostrophe's for free!

Bargain!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 15:03, 3 replies)
Nah
I'm more jealous that I don't have the opportunity, or the balls, to do this kind of thing

:(
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 13:51, Reply)
cinnamon shreddies
A few years ago i worked in a toy shop. you can imagine the hell of xmas time, with its ever increasing hours and claustrophobia inducing crowds. so if there werre freebies for the customers they mostly ended up with the staff. none more so than the time we were supposed to give away a mini pack of cinnamon shreddies with ever purchase.

why? I have no bloody idea, i have no idea what correlation toys and shreddies had, except perhap the makers of shreddies thought it would be a good way to get to a target market of kids.

it wasn't. it got to a target market of stoner staff members. we all took a box of 24 home, some people took more.

i called round to a couple of lads i knew one night for a smoke and opened up their cupboards to find every single one filled with boxes, all stacked neatly.

we got a serious fit of the giggles imagining if the gardai called round (as they were due to as the lads had been broken into previously) and saw us sitting there surrounded by shreddies, with crumbs on our chins.

i don't even think most of the boxes were eaten , they were minging, and because of the sheer quantity they ended up going off before they could be consumed. but the 2 lads did try their best.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 13:41, 8 replies)
The London International Wine Fair...
... is one GIANT freebie. It is quite possibly nearly all of the yay.

To this, add one brand new trainee at a wine sales company. Mix with all the free samples said trainee chose not to deposit in the spittoon, but instead, keep in his increasingly sloshing stomach. Leave to simmer for six stumbling hours. Remove from venue and leave to settle.

Once sober, realise the net result of the above is one quite disappointed sparkling wine producer who realised that the enthusiastic young toff he’d been schmoozing all afternoon was in fact just a piss head with no authority rather than the ‘buyer’ he’d claimed to be. Then cry like the mug you are for believing a pissed up 22 year old in a crumpled suit just because he sounded posh. And learn your lesson, fool.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 13:31, 2 replies)
The problem with free biscuits...
You probably think that the chambermaids must stuff themselves silly on those free biccies you get in hotels. And you'd be right.

Unfortunately, last week a whole batch of biscuits got recalled because they might be contaminated. Cue a lot of very green looking cleaners...
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 13:05, Reply)
Scalextric set
Before I started working for the Post Office, I used to work as a scientist. The company I worked for used to buy a lot of consumables from various suppliers (thousands worth a month). As a result, these suppliers would bend over backwards to keep our business. After a while we got bored of coffee mugs, t-shirts, swiss army knives and discmen as free gifts. One supplier was duly asked if he could supply us with a scalextric set for the company to play with.

Two weeks later two massive fuck-off boxes arrived addressed to me. They'd sent us enough stuff to have a huge four lane track that we used to set up in the staff canteen after hours. The set was also available if you wanted to borrow it for the weekend. About a year later (having expanded said set still further using the sports and social club money) it was announced hat there were going to some redundancies. They'd let us know who in two weeks. To hedge my bets, me and a colleague "borrowed" the set between us asap. Good job too. We were both unemployed two weeks later. Sadly, we weren't then allowed back onto the premises to return it. Shame.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 12:50, Reply)
Free biccies...
...my company's stationery supplier always includes a couple of packs of biscuits with orders that they deliver. Usually, our receptionist keeps them for herself. Bah.

Thing is I can't seem to make a connection in my head; A4 paper + biccies? No. Bic pens + biccies? No. Not even letter trays + biccies. I just can't fathom it.

What am I missing here?

EDIT: oh, ABusing freebies? I read AMusing freebies. Granted, my post contains neither unless you count the receptionist hoarding them to munch on herself, but hey-ho.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 12:41, 1 reply)
Expenses more than freebies
but you'll see where I'm going with it in a minute.

I do a lot of work abroad, which naturally entails running up bills for hotels, meals, flights, equipment etc. which can run into the thousands. Here comes the interesting bit...

Before I go on each trip, I purchase a small amount of the local currency at as bad a rate as I possibly can. I then purchase everything on credit card (which has a better exchange rate by about 5% at times) then submit the receipts, but at the worse exchange rate.

This means that, on average, I'm making 5% profit on every expense I run up. My last set of flights (last week) were just under £1,500 and the total expenses bill for the contract was £13,000-ish. 5% of this is £650, which goes free (of cost to me, and certainly guilt free) straight into my pocket. I'm a bad person.

EDIT: As if to teach me a lesson, my baggage was lost on my last trip, and I still haven't got it back. At least this means that the insurance will buy me new stuff!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 12:38, 5 replies)
Bar mitzvahs
are the best place to get wankered and eat.

Back in the day, my mate Nick (not his real name) turned 13 and by Jewish law (him being Jewish and all) he had to conduct a religious service in order to legally become a man. This, of course, took three hours and left all present in a foul mood that could be assuaged only by mounds of high-cholesterol food and potent bubbly.

My friends and I, being completely against religion (being 15 and rebellious - how ridiculous we must have been, the only ones dressed in black and wearing jewellery [of the men, that is]) had all fucked off outside to have a smoke. We see this caterer's van pulling up, and people unloading vast quantities of the abovementioned tasties and drinks. One of us suggested that we eat early so as not to suffer the crush that is a result of a religiously-inspired feeding frenzy.

We sauntered in and proceeded to load our arms with trays, and sauntered out. After running back to our place, we got well and truly shitfaced before stuffing ourselves with the finest cake and canapés.

Six hours later, my mates had fucked off and the family came in to find me throwing a noisy Herbert in the bathroom. Dad started laying into me and calling me useless. So I ate him, as all that chundering had made me peckish.

Apologies for length, I was born this way
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 12:34, Reply)
Not really a freebie per se
but I do abuse it. The cleanroom and labs here have a house nitrogen supply, which comes from bottles in a service room. The supply is used to connect to bits of equipment, but also is used for drying wafers etc, and for this purpose we have little hand held thingies with trigger valves (I'm sure they have a proper name).

Anyway, by placing the jet in between thumb and forefinger of a gloved hand, it is possible to make the rubber of the glove resonate at a frequency dictated by the pressure applied between the digits. So you can play tunes, bagpipe style, using the nitrogen line.

Very loudly.

My party piece to date has normally been Auld Lang Syne, but today I was feeling inspired and got through a passable rendition of the opening line of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue.

*virtual bow to audience*
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 11:53, 7 replies)
Pens
Oxfam sent me a nice Biro the other day. There was some crap about food and starving people(which went in the bin) too. Its a shame they spoil a nice gift by trying to make me feel guilty.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 11:53, 3 replies)
As a law student, I get invited by firms to go to expenses-paid presentations and dinners
Sometimes I think they're excuses for the people running them to have a nice meal and drink at their colleagues' expense, but as long as I get fed I'm happy.
Problems arose at one of these dos, however, the one night I wasn't even supposed to be attending. Two of my friends, X and Y, had signed up but I hadn't. However, on the day X wasn't feeling very well so I decided to go instead of him in order to accompany Y, who had been having girlfriend problems and as such could do with company and drink.
We arrived at the very nice restaurant, introduced ourselves to our hosts, and were seated at the table. Oh, the namecards suggest we're right down at the end, away from everyone we know. Oh well.
We decide to order a bottle of wine for ourselves and the chaps next to us, who seemed to be very pleasant, and had the same sense of humour as us. The firm had ok'd our ordering drinks, so we ordered the third-best one (as is the practise of all good gentlemen when others are footing the bill and say "don't worry about the price".
One bottle became two. Somewhere around the point where I was finishing X's steak, two became five. By now the girls next to the other lads had joined in, and our little coven was cackling away merrily.
As dessert came round, I saw that X had ordered himself an apple crumble. Not my cup of tea, so I decided to wash it down with a cocktail. The rest of the coven got the same idea, and happy to oblige us te waiter brought them over quickly.
Do we want coffee? No! Liqueurs! I don't know what liqueurs. A selection. Thankyou.
As the waiter brought drinks to our table yet again, the partner in charge of the evening got the hint that all was not right with our coven. The girls were now bartering with the two lads about how much the lads would pay to see them kiss, and Y and myself were having a deep intimate conversation. All the liqueurs were in front of the other four.
So they were asked to leave.
Y and myself helped ourselves to the liqueurs. I went for a wee. After weaving my way to the toilet I met a chap I didn't recognise putting his contact lenses in. "Have a good night?" He asked. I then regaled him with my exploits, my sodden brain not realising the idiocy of such an action.
When I went back to my seat having successfully emptied my bladder, I saw Contact Lens Man talking to the partner, before sitting down next to him. Oh bugger. He was a partner too.
Y and myself made a hasty exit, our names forever tarnished with that firm.
But of course, it wasn't my name, but Xs name which was on the card. They had no reason to believe I wasn't X.
This is why the magic circle firm rejected you point blank mate, despite your good marks. They're a bit prudish anyway, they wouldn't like you. You'll be better as a barrister.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 11:28, Reply)
Lock-in in the local...dingding
I used to stay with my folks down in a wee Scottish village. In the arse-end of nowhere, local shops run by look-a-likes from the league of gentlemen and a local pub ran by the biggest tool ever.

Basically they were all inbred.

Anyway one rather depressing night in the pub me and my old man are knocking back the beer and setting the world to rights, getting a mite drunk in the process, when the above mentioned barman stumbles over looking like he's discovered glass in his poo (i.e. no very happy...at all). Anyway as things turns out he hadn't shaken the dew of the lily in a few days mainly because his foreskin had closed over his japs-eye and basically his wazzer now resembled a conical flask so a trip to the local (several miles away) A&E department was in order.

Now my dad has worked in bars for a long time, twattish landlord knows this and asks if my dad would mind staying till closing (it was a Saturday) and locking up. The landlords wife would come by my dads house the next day and get the keys etc. My old mans eyes light up and, being the booze hound he is, sees an opportunity here.

He (my dad) pondered this for a second before replying "Aye no bother as long as a couple of mates can come down for a few drinks and a game of pool, keep me company an that...I'm meant to be meeting them later at **** house'(this was a lie)."

This was agreed, keys were exchanged and of the knob-end of the landlord went with his wife leading the way to their clapped out motor before speeding away in a haze of smoke and burning rubber.

Anyway next thing I know mon pere is behind the bar using the phone to call his mates down to the pub before tossing it to me and telling me to call "that bit of fanny" I was shagging for a while round. I oblige, naturally.

Anywaaaaaay cue to the almost entire village(which sounds a lot grander that it is) sitting in this pub getting rat-arsed...for free. Almost every last drop of booze was drank, the lot. He even had one of those machines with the crispy coated peanuts in them, fucking magic.

Needless to say the landlords wife wasn't too happy, especially as her husband was in the hospital getting an emergency circumcision.

Anyway 2 weeks later landlord is out and going mental at my dad (whilst wearing exceptionally bagger trousers...MC Hammer stylee if I re-call). Dad couldn't give a flying fuck. As he claimed the landlord agreed to a few mates, he didn't specify how many or what they would drink. Cue disgruntled twat hobbling away muttering some voodoo inbred rubbish.

So the village got pissed for free...and me and my dad were heroes! Well mainly he was...I was bumping uglies with that delightful "bit of fanny...score!"

Anyway first post so apologies. Not really for length...more how its just not very good.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 11:26, 2 replies)
Guilt
Genuinely, do any of you feel any guilt about these stories of running up huge bills etc ? Man, Id be ashamed to take the piss to these extents.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 11:06, 5 replies)
Not very funny, but oh so true.
By means of apeasement for my pitiful salary and his unwillingness to raise it, my manager agreed to pay for my accountancy studies (AAT if anyone cares). Not just a subsidy, but the whole works, college tuition, membership fees, textbooks, exam fees etc. etc.

The abuse is that I have a 4000 word report to write (deadline - end of December) and 2 exams to revise for (first week of December), and what do I do? I spend half my working days reading and posting on b3ta.

I very much doubt that I'll have re-sits paid for (as I'll probably be reduntant anyway) So my failure is YOUR FAULT. All of you, you witty, humorous, distracting, time-consuming bastards!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 10:51, 1 reply)
Last week me uncle gave me a free car (seriously)
It is a Proton Persona M Reg. His other car's a BMW. Could've given me that the tight cunt, now I'm lumbered with a granny mobile.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 10:49, 6 replies)
What's good for General Motors (staff)
Sadly I was too young to avail myself of these but my old mate Sid did. Sid used to work in a car factory back when cars were slung together by actual people. When a staff member bought the base model with the smallest motor production line would come to a virtual halt as the best panels in a batch were chosen, welds were added and extra coats of paint applied.

Alloy wheels – free
V8 replaces 6 cylinders - free
Leather upholstery – free
Air conditioning – free
Stereo system – free
Metallic paint – free
Extra care in assembly - free

But priceless
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 10:21, Reply)
NHS Freebies
There are none - the odd biro, a plaster. Reps occasionally give you stuff but usually to Dr.'s. Even courses which USED to provide lunch don't now, you have to bring sandwiches or pop to McDonald's. Bloody money saving :-(
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 8:30, 3 replies)
I'm still waiting for my free Nelson Mandella.
=[
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 8:09, 5 replies)
You can't park that there, sir.
Working as a removal man isn't all moving house.
A lot of my time is spent moving important people in the council from one floor to another, scraping a desk 3" across a room (they can't do it themselves for health and safety, so they pay £hundreds for us to do it), and generally performing full office moves.

The other day, we enter the 6th or 7th floor of a major council office to find it stacked floor to bastard ceiling full of boxes.
Nothing new there, but what was new were the stickers saying "Disposal" on the side of them.

A few probing questions later, we find out that this floor was moving around the building, but all the disposal was to be taken, by us, to the tip.

Obviously, we start opening the doomed boxes to find...
Child Road safety gear.
Lolly-pop lady gear.
Council Road safey and Parking Officials gear.

Myself and the 4 blokes with me on the day are now all proud owners of:
Jackets with "So-and-so City Council Traffic Warden" Emblazed down the front.
Luminescent Jackets, with same insignia.
Kids toys.
Highway codes, more than you can shake a stick at... each.
Parking offenses ticket Books.
The law book for Traffic Wardens.
Lolly-pop Ladies Lolly-pops.
Etc, etc.

Of course, when we got back to the yard, we were all dressed as Traffic wardens and plastered the Bosses, our co-workers, and the Staff Fleet, in parking tickets.
Good haul!
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 7:15, 3 replies)
Hoovering cheap freebies
For all the guys who've boasted about grabbing pens, t-shirts, mugs etc. at trade shows, we can see you coming a mile off! I work in the IT industry for a large manufacturer and have had to do stand duty at various events (the boring aspect of the job, but the socialising in the evenings more than makes up for it). You can spot the numpties who are only there to grab freebies as they're the ones who look like they were dressed by their colour blind mum and have a bulging plastic bag in their sweaty little hands. They'll come up and try to grab whatever's on the stand and wander off excited that they've managed to add another squidgy ball to their collection. Whoop dee doo.

Guess what? The crap stuff is out on show, the better freebies are hidden behind/under the stand. If you had the brains to speak to the people on the stand and it was clear you knew what you were talking about then that's when the worthwhile freebies appear. Anything left over at the end of the event is swapped with other companies at the show. I've come away with flat panel monitors, printers, laptops and various other *useful* stuff over the years.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 4:38, 2 replies)
Scottish Weddings
Scots Bride [my cousin] and English Groom. In Edinburgh.

Father-of-the-groom pipes up at a predominately Scottish wedding reception "For the next hour, the bar will be free."

Result?

Two bottles of expensive single malt finished. Two big bottles of gin. Vodka. Someone tapped out the keg of Stella. Pretty much a dry bar after we'd finished.

Final tab?

Don't want to know.
(, Tue 13 Nov 2007, 1:26, 1 reply)
Free Magazines - Every Week
The newsagents across the road from my house used to leave 3 or 4 grey plastic boxes outside the front of the shop every Tuesday night. Curiosity got the better of me and I decided to investigate what was in them and found magazines from the previous week. (which I presume were unsold and therefore could be returned?)
Anyway, I went half a year with free pr0n (evertyhing fom Mayfair to Razzle) and every month got hold of my free copies of FHM, Loaded, Front etc..

Also used it as a good way to bribe my younger sisters. For example, "Clean my car, I'll get you whatever girlie mags you want".

I managed to do this for about 6 months before they got wise to my scheme.

However, a couple of monhs ago, I was walking back from the pub, heavily intoxicated, and I spied a large cadboard box outside. Not bothering to open it, I simply took it home, put it on the end of my bed and passed out.

The contents? 24 instant BBQs....
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 21:57, 2 replies)
I go to work
they pay me

I don't work

just blag money for nothing

capitalist freebie
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 21:44, Reply)
Thin line between abuse and 'being useful'
I have worked in the automotive industry in the UK for around 6 years now. After a couple of years I'd made myself useful in fixing up press fleet vehicles and occasionally Directors' own cars when displaying perplexing electronic issues. Out of gratitude, a fleet manager offered to lend me a car for the weekend, and as I was going down to Cornwall to visit my daughter I jumped at the chance- nice Discovery 4x4 instead of my pokey aged Rover. Was also able to fuel it to the brink before I left so the journey that usually cost me £80 in petrol merely cost me £10 for a top up of diesel to get back.. At the time the cash saving was highly significant part of my monthly budget. Since then I have been allowed to use 'engineering assessment' vehicles on the same basis (and filling out assessment sheets based on observations) or taking troubled vehicles away and finding route cause, usually fixing them on the way.

So I have saved £££s in fuel and also been able to drive Freelanders, Jaguar XKs, XJs, Discovery 3s, Range Rovers, Range Rover Sports et cetera all in the name of doing my job. Jesus.

I now work at Aston Martin. Just waiting for my chance....
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 21:35, 1 reply)
Freebie abuse
Don't really recall abusing freebies myself but I've seen how its done:

1 - Get married and have some kids
2 - Go on holiday
3 - Send one of the kids off to stay at a friends or family members place
4 - Claim the kids missing and that you can't go home without them
5 - Wait for someone to set up a charity site for your "missing" kid

Hey presto! Free holiday! If the local police start creating a bit of a fuss though, piss off home sharpish but see if you can't blag a few days off work in the process...
(, Mon 12 Nov 2007, 20:57, 3 replies)

This question is now closed.

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