Bah fuckin humbug ...
God what a depressing QOTW a week out from Christmas.

So here's a late entry for Cringe.

My mother slipped in the shower and fractured her L4 vertebra. Well that's Christmas scunnered.

The inconsiderate cow.

Anyway, I have recently spent many frantic hours in our nearest A&E trying to amuse two little girls, aged 5 and 2, for fuck knows how long.

They were well entertained by an impromptu blow-up latex glove puppet show for a bit, much to the amusement of my fellow waiting room internees.

Now this particular hospital also happens to be the war veterans hospital. So that moment all parents dread was just around the corner.

You know the one I'm talking about.

The moment when an amputee comes within the range of your child's curious gaze. My first born child reacted with bemused but silent interest in the elderly (WW2?) veteran who sat close-by. He had lost his left arm just below the elbow.

The nurse called us in to talk about my Mum.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Just as we were mustering ourselves, 5yo politely asks the elderly amputee "Excuse me, but what happened to your arm?"

CRINGE!!!

He gave this beetroot faced poster a wry grin and beckoned 5yo girl closer. He then said in a low voice.

"I was picking my nose."

The look of utter horror on my wee one's face was just magic.

I then had to talk to a nurse about my mother's need for back surgery whilst trying not to wee myself from suppressed giggles.

Merry Christmas all you loverly B3tans.
(Que?, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 2:30, 9 replies)

And a merry Christmas to you too
and to your lovely family. I hope your mother is comfortable.

What a sport that veteran was! Bless him.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 7:10, closed)

I wonder...
...what would he have said if it was a leg he was missing?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 9:29, closed)

heh...
...It's cos you get fed up of people asking, so you make stupid stuff up.

I have a big scar on my cheek, thankfully faded and barely visible now, but when it was birght red and angry looking kids used to ask me all the time how I got it.

I told them I was the real Action Man.

I told adults it was a dueling scar.

Amazing how many people believed it.
(inflateable, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 9:55, closed)

There's a guy in the SouthWest
somewhere who was born without 3 of his limbs. When people ask, he looks them in the eye and says, "Tiger attack."
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 10:20, closed)

Excellent click
I myself am missing all of the skin on my entire body and when someone asks I tell them that it was because of a freak laundry related accident.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 10:34, closed)

?
And in which way is this story related to 'addiction'?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 10:57, closed)

I'm guessing...
...it's because Que's little girls are addicted to picking their nose?

Great story BTW :D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 11:33, closed)

It isn't.
Read the first two paras again :)

Liked it the first time, liked it the second time.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 13:03, closed)

Excellent!
And well done for supressing the giggles. I couldn't, and I was just reading the tale
(cheez is feeling ergophobic, Mon 22 Dec 2008, 14:59, closed)