Just for Second Best Porcupine
One night Alan was in the kebab shop. He told his mate to punch him in the face for a laugh. His mate refused, so Alan punched his mate. His mate was less than impressed punched Alan back breaking his nose .

One night Alan decided he was unhappy with the way a group of bouncers were talking to a young woman. Alan charged in to battle to save the fair maiden. The Bouncers gave Alan a beating, breaking his nose.

One night Alan decided to jump off the bus station roof. He fell flat on his face. Guess what?

There are more.
( Peej, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 11:34, 3 replies)

your bus was late?

(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Thu 2 Jul 2015, 21:11, closed)

Good stuff!

(Porcupine, Fri 3 Jul 2015, 10:52, closed)

I knew a guy, not an Alan though, who managed to break his nose 3 times in a couple of weeks.
He's quite a short fellow, and when a different (large) mate got into an argument with some cunt in a pub the cunt grabbed the small guy instead and broke his nose.

So, a couple of days after that was fixed, he was travelling in a black cab without his belt on when it suddenly braked hard; he went face first into the perspex screen cracking it, and his nose for the second time. The driver charged him for the damage, and the cleanup of blood.

Finally, he ended up in Stringfellows and to cheer him up he was bought a lap dance... the girl in question was very enthusiastic. Normally this is a good thing, but by gyrating her crotch hard into his face she managed to re-break his nose yet again, precipitating exit from club.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 6 Jul 2015, 19:48, closed)