Watersports
This one is really more a case of cruelty to the owner and not the animal....

And my apologies in advance for the general nature of my posts this week which all seem to concern farms...Yes, it was just like the Archers.

Sometime ago when I was still with the farmer I kept a few goats - all females. Goats only need to produce kids every other year in order for them to keep milking (unlike cows who need to go in calf annually or else their milk dries up).
Anyway, three of my goats needed to be put to a buck so we could have some kids and keep up milking them too. So I began a search for some likely looking boyfriends for my girls - they were stunning girls and I knew I'd have no problem finding a fit buck or two for them. The evidence of their beauty is here.

So, after looking online for caprine gigolos I eventually discovered a rather handsome looking chap living not far from the farm.

Off I went to view the goods...and yes, I did feel rather like a pimp.

In the depths of the Kentish countryside I found this rather ramshackle and run down smallholding. The owner was a rather quiet and reserved widow who didn't look at all like the usual livestock farmer or part of the horsey/dog set. It transpired that her late husband had been the farmer and she had simply made jam and fed the chickens sometimes.

She took me out into the field where half a dozen goats were grazing - all female except for this huge white beast who resembled a small buffalo and stunk like month old goat's cheese.

The does all seemed entirely oblivious to his rather overpowering presence and continued to chomp away at the grass, the hedge and the trees while he sniffed around them.

All in all a lovely bucolic scene.

Until one of the does decided to answer the call of nature.

She shifted her weight a little so as not to splash her legs and began to pee.....The huge white buck lifted his nose in the air and began to gallop across the field at full pelt. I felt more than a little nervous - male goats may not be as big as a bull, but they are just as mean and dangerous potentially.
He thunders across to the pretty petite doe and then skids to a halt at her rear end...She's still peeing...

He drops his head right into the sparkling flow, rolls his top lip back into an Elvis-esque sneer and then bellows like only a buck in rutting season can.

The widow looks at me, back at the goats and then, red-faced exclaims, "My word! Well, thank goodness people don't behave like that!"

And before I could stop myself....*hangs head in shame*...I opened my mouth and blurted out,
"Clearly you don't know the type of people I do"

I'm not sure who was more embarrassed.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 11:45, 6 replies)

hahaha!
*clicks* for your foot-in-mouth disease moment!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 11:48, closed)

Excellent!
*clicks*

BTW, watersports are not my bag, baby!

[edit: Phew!]
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 12 Dec 2007, 11:52, closed)

Watersports
Are not mine either....but I have some "interesting" friends....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 12:07, closed)

the archers
I listen to it because it's before Front Row, but I can't imagine a more facile, dull and poorly written piece of shit has ever graced the airwaves.
(frankspencer, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 12:17, closed)

The Archers
Is a pile of crap, made worse by their shoehorning of Agricultural Issues into the storyline....Oh! It's time for dipping - let's have a bit where someone falls into the lovely organophosphate soup and gets very ill. Or what about reminding them it's nearly time to submit their SFP forms!

Oh yes, what joy.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 12:31, closed)

another excellent one from you!
classic, living on a farm must be a right laugh.
( Firkinfedup last shat on your wife's tits at, Wed 12 Dec 2007, 13:04, closed)