This is why I hate goats.
Back when I was nineteen and was a racetrack groom I had a near-fatal encounter with a goat.

The stable I worked for was in one side of a barn that had two rows of stalls along the outer walls and two rows of stalls going up the center. One night as I was doing the evening feeding the fire alarm went off. As the barn is full of hay and other highly flammable stuff, this is not something to be taken lightly, so I sprinted around the barn, inside and out. No smoke, but the alarm was still going off. I called track security who assured me that this happens all the time as dust gets into the detectors, and they'd send out the technicians.

The technicians arrived, but were unable to get to the control box- because, tied to a stand pipe directly below the box, was a rather large goat that belonged to the people on the other side of the barn. (Apparently if you have a particularly neurotic and rowdy horse you put a goat in its stall, and it calms down. I have no idea why.) They asked me to take the goat out of there, and I obliged. The goat was tied with a nylon dog leash, so I slipped it over my wrist and untied the knot and led the goat to the door.

Unfortunately a 100 plus pound goat is pretty damned strong, and can easily drag a nineteen year old boy wherever it wishes- and in this case it wanted to cross the highway.

I fought my way down the leash until I got to the collar, then grabbed the collar and lifted the goat's front feet off the ground. It gagged and flailed, but to no avail- I was very pissed off and frankly didn't care if the damned thing died. I stomped back to the barn to the tree I had originally planned on tying it to, and did so one-handed while the strangling goat thrashed. I then threw it to the ground and ran, and it tried very hard to chase me-

-until it got to the end of the leash and did a backflip.

I left the thing there overnight, and thereafter it was kept elsewhere.

...stupid and foul things anyway...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 24 Apr 2008, 16:40, Reply)