Goats
Last year, I visited "Africa Alive", in Suffolk. There was the usual petting area, complete with the usual goats. One of these goats appeared, to me, to be either very fat, or very pregnant.

Now, in the petting area, there was one of those machines; insert 20p, turn the handle, get about 10g of generic goat food, and feed it to the goats. Good fun.

This 20p-machine was bolted to a wooden platform, itself bolted to a brick pillar, holding up the sheltered area. Mrs Pregnant Goat had learned that, by standing on her hind legs, keeping her front legs on the pillar, and smacking her horned head against the 20p machine, she could get free pellets. Smart goat. Greedy.. but smart.

She was only getting one or two pellets at a time, though. So she was more than glad to move out the way while a naïve human comes along and gets more pellets, more easily. Mrs Pregnant Goat would then shove the human out the way, and eat the pellets straight from the tray.

I thought this to be hardly fair, as there were other goats, and they seemed to be surviving on the pellets that Mrs Pregnant Goat was accidentally throwing on the floor. Sometimes, she wouldn't care. Other time, she'd see this "theft", get pissed off, and headbutt the younger, smaller, non-impregnated goats.

So I decided to feed the smaller goats. I stuck in my 20p, turned the handle, and as Mrs Pregnant Goat rose up to push me out the way, I was ready. I pushed back. Shocked, she went to all fours, and headbutted me in the shins. The bitch. Undeterred, I did it again. This time, she rose on her hind legs, 'kicking' at me with her front legs, so I had to step back out the way. No way I'm getting into a fist-fight with a pregnant goat. As I stepped back, and as she returned to all fours, she lunged at me with her horns. Smacked me right in the shin. It really hurt. It bruised. Being the brav smart chicken I am, I gave up at this point. I'd managed to feed one or two of the kids pottering around, but it wasn't worth it anymore. I left the enclosure, and the Pregnant Goat followed me to the gate, mocking. When she was sure I'd left, she returned, victoriously, to her pillar, and started smacking her head against the machine again.

Insert appropriate "length" joke here.
( Thinker, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 0:53, 1 reply)

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I remember going to a farm and being bitten by a massive horse in the tummy because I was feeding the cuter animals more generic goat food than him. So I kicked him and got told off by the farmer.
(reducedfatLOLcat, Fri 25 Apr 2008, 1:02, closed)