Raped by a bee
Having gotten home from work late, then having had a lengthy telephone conversation with my lovely girlfriend (with whom I shall soon be moving in - yay!), I found myself taking my evening bath at the unusually late hour of 01:30.

Being a short sighted person my contacts were nestled safely in their case, so my eyesight was soft, blurry and most definately not in focus as I probed the pedal of the pedal bin with my foot, nicely softened up by my long hot soak in the bath.

I felt a pinch on my big toe, which rapidly turned to a masive burning sensation and about 2-3 minutes of white hot agony before the adrenaline kicked in.

Two things of importance then occurred to me:

1) What the hell sort of bee was awake and ready to sting at bloody half one in the morning?! (By now it was crawling around dying on the bathroom floor, its guts attached to my toe via its sting - karma is a bitch for bees, I guess...)

2) What do I do with the sting?

The first question remains unanswerable, but for the second I turned to that portal of infallible knowledge (wikipedia) and, alongside the answer of what to do (pinch it out), some interesting info about bees and beestings.

It turns out that a bee sting is the malformed genitalia of a bee, since only the queen bee can reproduce. The sting is the tube down which eggs would roll if the bee it was attached to happened to be the queen.

So, the bee stuck its genitals, violently and unbidden, (definately without my consent) into my toe.

In short, I was raped. By a bee. In my toe. And it bloody hurt.

It could at least have used some lube...

Length and girth? Why thank you I have both, blessed as I am with an enormous schlong.
(Stuffed Chimp, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 22:24, 4 replies)

Clickage
For the title alone had me chuckling
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 22:33, closed)

*Click*
Insightfully hilarious. God bless Wikipedia. If I were you, I'd sue that bees family for your pain and suffering.
(HomeWithTheDownies A towering inferno of penisy pleasure, Mon 28 Apr 2008, 23:22, closed)

being raped by a bee sucks
but congratulations to you, your girlfriend, and your enormous schlong for the upcoming co-habitation.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 28 Apr 2008, 23:57, closed)

@ flirting with badgers
Thanks :-) We're damn excited about the prospect. Never thought I'd get to the point in a relationship where this would be happening, so double yay!
(Stuffed Chimp, Thu 1 May 2008, 22:31, closed)