I may be the only one who does this, but on odd occasions when I have the house to myself, I'll masturbate to internet porn
Careful to maintain the illusion that I don't, I'll clean up after myself, then delete my browser history. I find this order works best, so as not to get the mouse sticky. It was on one occasion last year when I had a rare few hours alone, several tabs open buffering away on their videos, that the power went out. My wife came home later and the power was still out. She announced she had some important work to do on the computer when the power came back on. Now, I'm aware that firefox has a feature that will reload all previously open tabs when it's reopened after a shutdown. I could not let this happen.
Like a guard dog, I stood vigil near the computer for the afternoon. The one time I went to the kitchen, the power came back on with a whirring of the fridge. I returned to the living room to find the missus already sat at the computer and windows booting up. I stood behind her in rising panic, trying to think of a distraction.
"Can I show you something in the kitchen, babe? Come and check this out"
"Just let me do this quickly"
Fuck! Windows was open now. Should I kick the power button? That would be too obvious. What about taking the mouse off her? But what reason would I give, and I'd have to open firefox in front of her anyway then close it without saving to fix the problem. No time! She's about to open it....
I'd forgotten the wife prefers IE.
Nowadays, when I have the desire for some Gentleman's Time, I'll use the Private browsing feature in advance.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 17:47, 6 replies)

This is why I make sure the wife and I use seperate browsers,
although my stated reason is that it will save time logging in & out of gmail/fbook/etc., and nothing to do with concealing my browsing habits.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 19:04, closed)

*taps nose*

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 22:54, closed)

Chrome incognito windows yay.
...I don't even have anyone to hide them from.
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 14 Jun 2012, 19:45, closed)

60 seconds work with the screwdriver would have the data cable pulled out of the hard drive and "oh dear, it's not working - the power outage must have done something. I'll have a go at fixing it, give me an hour or so" :)
(Twangy Rubber, Thu 14 Jun 2012, 23:01, closed)

Or do what I did.
Have your wife leave you unexpectedly so you can wank and cry as much as you like in bed on a comfy-ish sea of crusty tissues, with laptop porn windows that wake up when you do the following lunchtime, or when the old people who volunteer at the clinic come round to make sure you aren't swinging lifelessly from a sturdy hook in your bathroom.
(judgetheobscure used to sweep in butchers' shops., Fri 15 Jun 2012, 0:29, closed)

I thought about the advantages of this, but decided against it as I'd always have to make my own cups of tea

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 2:52, closed)