Poo related
I'm currently in Australia, having a lovely time. I have recently found myself a job, wandering the streets of sydney offering Energy Australia customers discounts on their bills providing they sign up for three more years.
On my 4th day i awoke feeling slightly dodgy and was tempted to ring in sick but decided i shouldn't having only just started.
I had just spoke to my second customer a Vietnamese lady who i wooed with my knowledge of the vietnamese language, she signed up of course earning me some commision, good stuff, good start to the day.
I wander a little further and think ooooo i need to have a poo.I has a look at my map, and see there is a park about 10 minutes away, i'll aim for there, parks always have public toilets.
1 Minute into my walk, i thinks ooooooooooo this dosn't feel to good, i'm going to have to get a move on, so i start a harold bishop paced power walk, ooooooooo this isn't good my power walk is shifting the poo closer to my sphincter, i'll walk slower and think about other things.
BAM my stomach explodes filling my boxer shorts with cack,oooooooo bloody hell i'm thinking, i'm in the middle of no where, i've pooed myself and i'm about 5 minutes away to the park. I open my backpack, yes yes i have some tissues, i stand in the middle of the street, carefully placing tissues down my crevace trying to create a blockage so the faeces cannot dribble down ones leg. Now what do i do?! I spot in the distance a man with his garage open, i waddle up with hand placed on buttocks, 'hello there, bit of an odd request can i use your toilet,' praise the lord he said yes. I step inside where his stunning wife is, hello i say, he says to her 'i think he's had a little bit of an accident'.
I clean myself up, i remove the bum fudge from my cheeks.
I stick my pants in my backpack and i get the hell out of there. My pants now live in a bin in Botany Bay.
The story does not end there-
I obviously decided i wasn't going to continue with my day, mainly as i smelt a bit.
Anyway, i got the bus back to the city, then a train back to my girlfriends house, yes i hear you cry finally he has a toilet to deposit his bowels in.
No ladies and gentleman i didn't, i had no key, and no one was home. Never fear there is a spare key in the garage, so i ring the wench to ask for its whereabouts, she doesn't answer----------i hear a rumbling in the turd factory------- i ring again, no answer--------again, no answer.
So rather than Shit my trousers (due to the lack of pants), i decided i would excrete in a flower pot and wait until i could get in the house.
The moral of the story is do ring in sick.
I know it's long, but it's my first time and i don't know what to do with it.
(bobthebluenose, Sun 11 Jun 2006, 14:39, Reply)