Music Teacher
My clarinet teacher was a near-retirement, lovely chap who had a few highlights:

-His first instrument was the harp. He named none of his instruments but this harp. The reason? "You should always know a lady's name before you put your arms around her."

-Teaching people to project- he told my friend and I to bring our teddies to the next lesson, and "don't pretend you don't own one." We did, and were told to play TO THE TEDDY! And do it when we practice. If not, "The teddies will tell me, and you'll be in trouble." ... this was when we were 15.

-Proper playing posture- I used to step around a bit while playing. He told me to stop politely, then in annoyance, and then took a flying leap onto my feet to pin them to the ground. He said either my performance or my feet could suffer.

- If we brought any music into the lesson he would play it. Seeing someone sight-read "One Winged Angel" on a clarinet was amazing.

- He once told me that he had to fix a trumpet because someone had put it into a dishwasher. The way he said it, this was the most horrible crime ever conceived.

He retired 5 years ago... a genuine loss to instrument teaching, I feel.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 13:46, 12 replies)

He'll name an instrument he puts his arms around
but none of the ones he fingers?



/coat
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 13:56, closed)

I bet you hug prostitutes






...you adorable man.

::EDIT:: Hang on, Empress? Make that "woman".
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 17 Mar 2011, 14:02, closed)

Only with a hammer

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 15:36, closed)

Not to mention the ones he blows. ;)

(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 14:31, closed)

Does he play the French Horn?
I'd feel duty bound to name something I blow and fist at the same time.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 15:40, closed)

Hmm. Based on his quote, I'd say that he's only inclined to name the female instruments.
Horns, apparently, don't merit names.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 15:51, closed)

I think of the horn as being female

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 15:57, closed)

I don't. :S
Mind you, I think clarinets and flutes are male. Apparently that's not normal either.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 16:03, closed)

I had a drumkit when I was 13.
That was definitely female.

The harder you hit it, the better it worked.
( Not Pineapple anymore, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 16:16, closed)

hehe

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 16:17, closed)

Pfft!

(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 16:29, closed)

I think of my flute and picc as male too.
Although seeing it written out like that it looks a bit dodgy.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Mar 2011, 16:17, closed)