i feel i shall have many tales this week
i suffer from a terrible affliction, a curse, if you will: i look RESPECTABLE.
not just respectable, but RESPECTABLE. i could easily pass as a librarian, that's how respectable i look.
this must be the reason people feel so comfortable leaving me with their children, the fools. i'm constantly being told i should start a family of my own(not a fucking chance), as i'm so good with kids. if only these parents knew the kind of shit i've got up to in their houses.

a few things i've got up to with their kids are:
ruining a stair carpet by sliding down the stairs on the lid from the twin-tub.
dressing my cousin in a pink lampshade. he's turned out fairly normal.
getting another cousin shitfaced on port and lemon on new year's eve.
teaching kids how to play cat buckaroo.
teaching kids how to stretch clingfilm over the toilet so it looks like there's nothing there.
teaching kids how to make baking powder bombs.
feeding kids a crapload of sugar when their parents got in 3 hours late. don't piss off the babysitter.
showing a little girl how to "accidentally" ruin her bedroom wallpaper, so she could get it redecorated to her tastes.

there are many more, but i can't think of any just yet.
i will, though.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 15:25, 12 replies)

I dressed the wifes nephew in a sarong.....
now he's autistic!

all my fault apparently!
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 15:36, closed)

pfff!
a sarong? now, if it was a tutu, i might agree! :D
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 15:40, closed)

can you teach me
how to make baking powder bombs?
(jennymnemonic, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 16:19, closed)

it involves baking powder
and vinegar
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 16:39, closed)

Excellent
Cat buckaroo? I can't wait to play that at the in-laws soon! Fucking cat! (it has fleas and I don't like fleas).
(RJWEcology is just sharpening his axe on, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 18:14, closed)

i don't like cats
be careful playing cat buckaroo if the cat has a bad temper
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 18:31, closed)

You sound like you were a little bitch.
But I have to admit, being a little anti-authority myself, you also sound fun.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 28 Oct 2010, 18:44, closed)

A bitch?
Sweet Knights of Columbus - I would have given my middle testicle to have a babysitter like that.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Fri 29 Oct 2010, 8:28, closed)

i am fun!
such as the time we played the dress-up game, which involved a 3 minute deadline to get dressed up in as many items of clothing as we could, including hats, gloves, slippers and wellies, then knocking on the neighbour's doors carol singing.
it was july.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 29 Oct 2010, 20:45, closed)

If only replies could get on the best of
Thats fantastic :)
(Fleximus Rex briefly gave up lurking on, Sat 30 Oct 2010, 3:45, closed)

Youe are for lack of a better word ..awesome!
I tip my hat to you
( jakedamusss I understand, and dont care., Fri 29 Oct 2010, 2:03, closed)

:)

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 29 Oct 2010, 20:48, closed)