Three Bad Dates
all of which ended with me going to bed alone.

At school, there was a girl called Libby I was hopelessly besotted with. To my teenage mind, she was perfect. Brainy, demure, and with quite big tits. Anyway, I eventually persuaded her to let me take her out for lunch one day so we could chat. She agreed. We decided that the next day we’d go to a nice café down the High Street and spend an hour together. I’d made a big effort in the way only a 17 year old boy can: had a shower, sprayed on the Lynx Africa liberally, put a clean shirt on, and ‘borrowed’ my Dad’s nice watch. She turned up to meet me with her gay best friend in tow, who then proceeded to look bored and keep interrupting the conversation to ask about what they were doing after. The next day she told me she didn’t want to see me any more because Graham thought I was dull. I wouldn’t mind so much if I hadn’t paid for both their lunches. Graham had had a dessert too, the fat cunt.

Then, years later, there was the Australian girl I’d pulled in a nightclub. We’d exchanged numbers and agreed to go for a Japanese meal. It was quite pleasant except for the fact she kept banging on about Jesus. We went back to mine afterwards and things got a bit intimate, except she said she wouldn’t go further than kissing and a little light fondling before marriage. I tried to clarify exactly what ‘light fondling’ involved and whether it might involve her touching my willy. She left and texted the next day to say she really liked me but she was worried the relationship wasn’t going to be a good fit with her faith.

The absolute worst was when I was set up with a friend of a friend. She was a nice girl, and I’d met her before, and knew she was chatty, pretty, and we’d got on quite well. The date went well, and whilst I thought it was obvious she didn’t really fancy me, and was a bit out of my league, we got on really well and chatted for hours. I was now quite keen. Luckily, she wanted to go for a second date. Great. What do you fancy doing?

An all day traditional dance workshop encompassing various styles of European folk dance.

I politely but firmly made my excuses despite her insistence that it would be brilliant fun. Instead, I arranged to meet her afterward and take her for a nice meal. The thing is, though, it was immediately apparent that she was really, really angry at me for not going to the thing. Any questions about how it had gone were rebuffed quickly with ‘don’t worry about asking, I know you’re not interested’. We made small talk on various subjects, but it was hard to avoid the elephant in the room. Eventually I asked her if she was annoyed about it, and she said something like ‘I don’t get annoyed. Life is too short to get annoyed. Sometimes I’m just very tempted to get annoyed. That’s all.’ OK… at the end of a long and awkward night of stilted conversation, I walked her to the tube station in the rain, said goodbye, and never heard from her again. She ignored my texts and calls. I later heard from our mutual friend that she was really, really pissed off about the European folk dance workshop.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 17:11, 7 replies)

I like this.
You seem to be building a long and successful career of bullet-dodging.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 17:24, closed)

Yep
Not deliberately, you know, but still....
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 17 Oct 2013, 17:41, closed)

all day traditional dance workshop encompassing various styles of European folk dance
That pretty much describes my idea of hell.

That and gherkins
( Another_tragic_case wished he hadn't eaten all the cake, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 7:12, closed)

I like gherkins
but feel much the same way about European folk dance.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 9:15, closed)

Girls gay friends
absolute bastards, if there is one sure fire way to kill any chances with a girl, having them tow a gay friend along is it. And why in god almighty to gay friends feel the need to put girls off any guy they meet?!
(cochsedd, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 9:43, closed)

Cos then they would lose their friends obviously

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 18 Oct 2013, 9:54, closed)

Because they're only acting gay in order to get chicks, duh.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sat 19 Oct 2013, 10:21, closed)