I ruined someone's gig
A few weeks back I took my mum to go and see Leonard Cohen at the O2 on her birthday. It was a Friday night and I'd had a bad day at work, so upon arrival I kind of hit the bar pretty hard and by the end of the first half I was a little drunk, but within acceptable parameters. Now I fucking love Leonard Cohen as much as any man can love another man, and as the second half began I was having a whale of a time, my work problems forgotten and singing along to all the classics (even the French bits during the Partisan) with gusto. Probably aplomb as well, or at least the verbal equivalent.

Then, about halfway through the second half, the female portion of the couple sitting in front of me turned around and shouted: "Will you just shut the fuck up?" Since she had asked so nicely, I smiled and very carefully formed the words that precisely summed up my feelings at that point: "Kiss. My. Arse."

She looked at her partner, who shrugged and went back to watching the show. Then, in exasperation, she went to try and find a bouncer to throw me out for singing along at a concert. Having got short shrift there as well, she stood in the aisle for the rest of the show. Her boyfriend didn't even leave his seat.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 15:17, 30 replies)

She said what the internet is thinking... all the time.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 15:20, closed)

Excellent
Keep it coming, this stuff FEEDS me.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 15:24, closed)

"No one ever listens to me - I feel like a Leonard Cohen record."

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 15:32, closed)

"We'll be dead...and alive...at the same time!"

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 15:34, closed)

I keep forgetting this is a support group for social retards.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 16:07, closed)

Is this why you're on here then Shambo?
Mind you then again so am i....
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 30 Jul 2013, 12:48, closed)

No wonder your dad abandoned you if you're this much of a fucking embarrassment to your parents.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 16:27, closed)

Yeah, how fucking embarassing, singing along to songs that I like at a concert
...and like your fuckwit hero Rory, you have got the relationship between me and my dad completely backwards. I appreciate the attempt to wind me up, but you're so far wide of the mark you might as well have been talking about my relationship with Arthur Fowler from off of Eastenders.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 16:37, closed)

Upset. Online.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 17:04, closed)

I also think you're a bit of a div.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 26 Jul 2013, 16:37, closed)

Marvellous

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 16:39, closed)

Hey, if we can't share how we feel about strangers in the Internet? Where can we?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Fri 26 Jul 2013, 16:40, closed)

I believe the etiquette de la jour is to jizz on them on the underground
Then they reciprocate through the means of interpretive dance
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 17:02, closed)

Not sure why you think this woman should
Pay 50 quid to hear YOU sing when it said Leonard Cohen on her ticket.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 26 Jul 2013, 18:06, closed)

If only he'd had the benefit of the O2's speaker system to amplify his voice

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 19:13, closed)

Obviously not enough benefit to stop her
from hearing you.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Fri 26 Jul 2013, 20:09, closed)

Really?
Do you think so?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 27 Jul 2013, 9:48, closed)

I think you're mistaking him for a functioning adult
rather than an autistic child.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 19:33, closed)

He comes across more as a sociopath than an autist.
If he were a sperglord, he'd have played the victim and/or treated the complainer to an hour-long lecture on why he was right and she was wrong.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 21:51, closed)

high functioning?

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 30 Jul 2013, 12:51, closed)

'I fucking love Leonard Cohen as much as any man can love another man'
So, you want to marry him, adopt a baby and spend the rest of your life gargling his jizz while he smashes your back door in.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 19:29, closed)

If he asked nicely

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 27 Jul 2013, 9:35, closed)

Nice one
Dickhead.
(SquidHead, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 21:42, closed)

Cheers
Squidhead
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 27 Jul 2013, 9:48, closed)

I know your type. Boring other sad cunts to tears. If only there was an online forum where you could autism each other up.
(Bum Bag Fashion Boy Burned a home made pizza on, Fri 26 Jul 2013, 23:35, closed)

What?
Like you. Posting here?
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 27 Jul 2013, 9:41, closed)

I think I must have bored him

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Sat 27 Jul 2013, 9:48, closed)

That's a euphemism isn't it?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sat 27 Jul 2013, 23:25, closed)

QED
(Bum Bag Fashion Boy Burned a home made pizza on, Sun 28 Jul 2013, 8:46, closed)

:D
*Clickies*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 28 Jul 2013, 8:33, closed)